Funny or Die made an almost-hour long movie “based on” Donald Trump’s “The Art of the Deal” (aka the 2nd best book of all time after the Bible) with Johnny Depp throwing on the orange face paint and “blonde” hair thing to play the Billionaire presidential candidate.
To no one’s surprise, Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump dominated their pretend-Party’s New Hampshire primaries.
New Hampshirites came out strong to support two candidates (Sanders: 60% Dems, Trump: 35.2% Reps) with differing views of how to make America great again. One promises to give government back to the People, end American oligarchy, raise wages, strengthen entitlements, protect the climate, fix infrastructure, lessen income inequality, repair racial disparities, end American prison-dominance and put people to work. The other promises to build a wall, kick out immigrants, put Muslims in their place, eschew political correctness (aka say whatever he wants about women, minorities and handicapped) and beat Mexico & China into submission.
New voters accounted for 15% of each Party’s haul, with most of those supporting The Bern and The Donald.
A bit of history was made last night as Sen. Sanders became the first Jew to ever win a US Presidential primary. Hillary Clinton, on the other hand, became the first ever candidate to lose to a Jew in a US Presidential primary. Mazel Tov to both!
Sanders slaughtered Clinton in every demographic, winning all age groups: 18-29 (83%), 30-44 (66%), and 45-64 (53 %); as well as both men (66%), and women (55%). Clinton did win two demos: ages 65+ (55%) and people with incomes over $200k.
Interesting tidbit: Hillary “dishonest” reputation, whether deserved or not, is a huge issue. 34% of New Hampshire Democrats listed “honesty” as one of the most important candidate traits, and 92% of those people voted for Sanders. Guess it just ain’t Republicans who don’t trust Hillary.
On the Republican side, Trump took around 30-40% in every age/gender demo – but the biggest surprise of New Hampshire was Gov. John Kasich, who finished 2nd with 16%. Congrats to New Hampshire for taking their responsibility as first official vote of the nation seriously, and raising the profile of the sanest candidate in the GOP field.
Three Republicans are all vying for scraps,relevance, 3rd thru 5th place with around 11-12% each, Sen. Ted Cruz, Gov. Jeb! Bush and Sen. Marco Rubio.
Iowa “winner” Ted Cruz’s shtick was never expected to play well with “Live Free or Die” voters, and Cruz certainly didn’t help his cause getting caught playing multiple dirty election-day tricks in Iowa.
Rubio personally acknowledged his brain-fart debate meltdown stalled his mojo, and with opponents like Gov. Chris Christie pounding the “inexperienced robot” theme, Republicans seem less enamored with the guy who was their “savior” just a week prior.
Jeb! and his “Please Clap” supporters will claim victory given they didn’t disappear into oblivion, and Camp Christie is surely disappointed Rubio-bashing didn’t earn him any more (Wall) street-cred.
Although the top dogs have enough money to hang around for a bit and wait for the other guys to F up, look for a couple GOP also-rans to start dropping out and endorsing anybody-but-Trump.
South Carolina is up next for Republicans, and we’re surely in for a scorched-Earth blood-bath. Trump supporters will NEVER turn, so expect the other candidates to go full Hunger Games in hopes of capturing each other’s supporters to overcome the Trumpeters. Jeb! and Kasich will pummel Rubio, while Marco and Cruz will out-Conservative each other for the “I’m the only one who can save Christians from scary Liberals and ISIS!” vote.
Gov. Kasich would like to keep momentum, but his sane/positive campaign won’t play well in ultra-Conservative South Carolina. Expect the other guys to mostly ignore him, but Camp Kasich will try to stay positive and push for a big win in Nevada a few days later on the 23rd. Trump might be dominating the disaffected voter demo, but Kasich will continue to sell himself as the Anti-Trump alternative also sick of Washington disfunction.
The Democrats bring their election gambling to Nevada, and Clinton will dig deep into her 3 decade bag-of-tricks to stop the Sanders surge. After losing many areas of NH she won in 2008 against Obama, Clinton has to deliver a better message than “It’s my turn.” It will be interesting if the no-negative campaign Sanders can sustain a full blown Clinton attack the likes of which he’s never experienced.
Expect some fireworks – and duds – between now and South Carolina/Nevada primaries on February 20.
Bringing back the Crap you should read. You’re welcome.
Fighting For Homeless Families: In his 2017 budget, President Obama will propose spending $11 billion over the next 10 years to fight family homelessness. Of that amount, $8.8 billion would go to housing vouchers and $2.2 billion to more short-term assistance. Nationwide, about 64,000 families, including roughly 123,000 children, are homeless. More than half of homeless families with children are in only five states (NY, CA, MA, FL, TX). Prepare to hear about how helping homeless will destroy our country.- NY Times
New Hampshire Primary:Today New Hampshire voters make their choice for president in the first-in-the-nation primary contest. Early polls suggest celebration sex for Republican Donald Trump and Democrat Bernie Sanders. – CNN
Shady NH Tactics: Some voters in New Hampshire opened their mailboxes today to find an envelope stamped in red with “important taxpayer information enclosed” and featuring an official-looking seal that listed not only the recipients’ voting records, but those of their neighbors. Although they’re denying sending this time, these mailers are very similar to the mailers Ted Cruz’s campaign was caught blasting out in Iowa. – Mother Jones
Primary Primer: Over the next several months, Democrats and Republicans will select their parties’ presidential nominees through a series of state-by-state primaries and caucuses.Here’s a good primer for the 2016 Presidential Primary process – how it works, where it came from, and why it matters. – Vox.
How to Make An Oligarchy: The 100 biggest donors of 2016 cycle have spent $195 million trying to influence the presidential election ― more than the $155 million spent by the 2 million smallest donors combined. Politico
Mo Dark Money, Mo Dark Problems: Dark money is the term for funds that flow into politics from nonprofit groups, which can accept donations of any size but, unlike political action committees, are not required by federal law to reveal the identities of their donors. Since 2008, dark money groups have spent more than $690 million in federal races. Internal memos from conservative groups reveal some of the slimy tactics political donors use to hide their campaign contributions from the public. – Alternet
I Can Hear Jimmy: President Jimmy Carter has a lot to say about Citizens United and how it destroyed government: ‘The erroneous ruling of the Supreme Court, where millionaires and billionaires can put in unlimited amounts of money in to the campaign, it gives legal bribery a chance to prevail, because almost all the candidates, whether they are honest or not, Democrat or Republican, rely on these massive amounts of money in order to campaign.’ – Bipartisan Report.
Inmates Better than Congress: Michigan inmates at a nearby prison care more about helping Flint’ s poisoned citizens than the US Congress does, and will be donating $3 from their monthly prison income to buy water for Flint’s poisoned residents. – Fusion
Fighting Poison? No! Fight Anal Sex: Up to 8,000 children in Flint, Michigan have potentially been poisoned by their own water supply, and so the Michigan Senate has bravely come together to push through a bill that bans anal sex. Even though Michigan already has a sodomy ban and the Supreme Court in 2003 declared sodomy bans unconstitutional in all states, Michigan Republican Senators chose to spend their time and money upholding an already existing sodomy ban that is impossible to enforce. Who cares about poor kids? Interestingly, if they ban all interactions with assholes, how can the Michigan GOP legally exist? – US Uncut
Formation of Haters: Beyonce slayed the Super Bowl halftime show, but to many right-wingers, it was an offensive cop-hating shit-show. Last night, Jessica Williams tackled the ridiculous racist uproar. The Daily Show
Red Lobster Hearts Bey: The day after Beyoncé released her surprise new single “Formation,” seafood chain Red Lobster claimed a 33% sales spike over the previous year. Bey’s Formation lyrics brag: “When he fuck me good I take his ass to Red Lobster,” and then Red Lobster was apparently mentioned 42,000 times on Twitter in a single hour and trended nationally for the first time ever. – CNN Money
Sen. Marco Rubio straight up malfunctioned at the GOP Presidential Debate in New Hampshire, and it was hilarious. Rubio often repeats his canned-anger and Obama-hate lines ad nauseum, but here he got caught repeating one of his memorized bits over and over and over again.
8:30 pm: “And let’s dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing. He knows exactly what he’s doing.”
8:32 pm: “Let’s dispel with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing. He knows exactly what he’s doing.”
8:34 pm: “This notion that Barack Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing is just not true. He knows exactly what he’s doing.”
9:21 pm: “I think anyone who believes that Barack Obama isn’t doing what he’s doing on purpose doesn’t understand what we’re dealing with here. Okay?” (from Vox)
Even Gov. Chris Christie called out the overly rehearsed but substance/experience-lacking Robot Rubio glitch:
“You see everybody, I want the people at home to see this. That is what Washington DC does, the drive- by attack at the beginning with incorrect and incomplete information and then the memorized 25-second speech that is exactly what his advisers gave him.”
How did Rubio respond? By repeating the same exact same shit verbatim…again. The crowd got in on it too, booing the glitchy robot even while he bashed Obama. Such a meltdown, and will likely be one of the most memorable moments of the primary season.
This is why Presidential Debates are so entertaining…and essential. You get to see how these candidates actually speak and act rather than listen to what paid-for talking heads say about them.
In this case, the scripted-savior Rubio came off looking like a neophyte rookie, while Christie dominated the stage.
Watch the painful but hilarious video for yourself to see the meltdown.
The first official voting for 2016 is in the books. So what do we know?
Iowa Democrats split down the middle between Sec. Hillary Clinton and Sen. Bernie Sanders. The Democratic race ended in a virtual tie, with Hillary given the slight edge over Sanders (49.8% – 49.6%). Interestingly, 3 districts were so close that they were decided by coin-flips – and Hillary won all 3 coin-flips. Bernie needs a better coin-flip consultant.
Both candidates are claiming victory, but everyone must be shocked how well the atheist, democratic-socialist Jew did in middle America. Bernie absolutely dominated the under-30 vote (84%) and took 54% of 30-45 year olds. On the other hand, Clinton took 58% of 45-64 year olds and 69% of those over 65. As the youth vote isn’t particularly reliable when it comes to actually showing up (youth vote down 4% from when Obama won Iowa in 2008), Clinton is still poised to be the more electable of the two.
As far as Republicans are concerned, they got themselves a genuine 3 horse race: Sen. Ted Cruz (26%), Donald Trump (24%) and Sen. Marco Rubio (21%).
Cruz declared this “a victory for courageous Conservatives,” but someone forgot to tell him over 70% of Iowan Republicans voted against him. Also, the last two Republican Iowa winners were Sen. Rick Santorum and Gov. Mike Huckabee – how did they fare again?
As far as numbers go,64% of Republican Iowans are evangelical Christian, so it’s no surprise that Pastor Cruz led the way. Team Trump might be disappointed with a 2nd place finish, but with tens of thousands of more Iowans showing up than in 2012, it’s clear the Donald’s draws out previous non-voters (40% of total caucusers were first-timers) whether they’re motivated to vote for him or against him (only 3 of 10 new voters sided with Trump). Bronze-medal winning Team Rubio declared “victory!” to anyone that’ll listen, but Marco’s hoping to ride this 3rd place momentum to a 2nd (or higher) place finish in the less evangelical state of New Hampshire next week.
Gov. Bush won’t be bragging about his pathetic 6th place showing. Jeb! was backed a mere 2.8% of Iowan Republicans, which means his campaign spent about $2,884 per Hawkeye voter. Someone take away the checkbook.
With the top 3 sewn up, the question becomes: as the others start drop out, who do their supporters back?
Dr. Carson’s supporters pride themselves on being outsiders, and would likely back Trump. Gov. Bush and Gov. Christie supporters would probably back the establishment wunderkind, Rubio. Sen. Rand’s libertarian backers probably go with anti-establishment Trump. Gov. Kasich’s supporter(s) would pick the “saner” choice in Rubio. Gov. Huckabee’s and Sen. Santorum’s supporters (aka their families) would probably back the evangelical Cruz.
Still anybody’s race(s). Let’s see what happens now that the next leg of the Tour de Presidency reaches New Hampshire.
Also, for a good chuckle, check out what 2013 Trump had to say about 2016 Iowa Trump:
On a sad note, there are two candidates who won’t be reveling in celebration-sex today: Gov. Martin O’Malley and Gov. Huckabee both ended their Presidential campaigns after Iowans totally forgot they were running.
Rapper B.o.B has been running his mouth on social media, trying to prove with photos and memes that the Earth is flat. As this is a science/knowledge emergency, astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson came to the factual rescue.
But B.o.B. wanted none of this fact-crap, and instead recorded a lame diss track for Tyson and all those who believe in science over his Instagram feed. Naturally, Tyson had to respond with a diss track of his own.
“The crew of the space shuttle Challenger honored us by the manner in which they lived their lives. We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them, this morning, as they prepared for their journey and waved goodbye and ‘slipped the surly bonds of earth’ to ‘touch the face of God.’ — President Ronald Reagan
For many Americans, January 28, 1986, will forever be a “where were you when” day, but for me, the day the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded has always been something more.
I was in Second Grade at Temple Sinai. School administrators gathered all of us in the lunchroom to let us know the Challenger exploded, killing everyone on board. Like many kids around the nation, we knew that included Christa McAuliffe, the school teacher aiming to be the first private citizen in outer space.
As we watched the news together, our teachers consoled those of us sheltered little Jews for who this was an introduction to death, tragedy, and mourning. The horrific images of smoke plumes and shocked faces we saw that day will forever be imprinted on my mind, but I feel like I can actually trace much of who I am back to the day those 7 explorers and dreamers lost their lives.
The days following the disaster I became a 7 year old news junkie. I scanned the Miami Herald daily for answers (“obviously a major malfunction”), clipped articles and added everything I found to my black “Challenger” loose-leaf folder. From Reagan’s address to the nation, to learning more about the crew, to news of a faulty O-ring, to blaming freezing temperatures, to hearing the cabin remained intact after the explosion yet was destroyed when it hit water (I still shudder thinking about it) — I was obsessed.
Before Challenger, space to me was Star Wars, The Last Starfighter and Voltron – and space heroes were named Skywalker, Kirk, and Flash Gordon. After Challenger, it was Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, and NASA. Heroes now had real names like Glenn, Armstrong and Aldrin. Space was suddenly real, and there was so much to learn, so much to discover – and the crew of the Challenger (and the astronauts before them) dedicated their lives to this pursuit. How could this not inspire a curious kid?!?
I absorbed everything I could about STS Space Shuttles — which is tough pre-internet (ever heard of a Library?). David Cypkin taught me to draw shuttles, and I proceeded to draw them (along with some main fuel tanks and badass solid rocket boosters) in just about every notebook and schoolbook I had.
I discovered telescopes and planetariums. I found star charts, learned constellations, and studied planets. The Challenger didn’t make me fear space travel, it made me yearn for more. Humans barely made it out of our backyard, and those 7 astronauts could not possibly be the last ones America sent to explore our solar neighborhood.
When NASA finally announced the Discovery mission, I followed it the way I now follow sports teams – from the drafting of the crew to its eventual launch 32 months after the Challenger disaster. I still have all the clippings from its entire mission. And man, that day Discovery launched and returned us to space was one of the happiest (non-sports) moments of my life. My first big dream came true.
There is just something about the void, the great unknown, and those who seek to conquer it. It’s the reason all these years later we know names like Columbus, Ponce de Leon, Lewis and Clark. Names like Mike Smith, Dick Scobee, Ron McNair, Ellison Onizuka, Judy Resnick, Greg Jarvis, and Christa McAuliffe.
They’re heroes not just for achieving their wildest dreams, but for inspiring kids like me to have wildest dreams to begin with.
As humans, we always search for meaning in tragedy, and for me the meaning from the day we lost the Challenger was as clear to my 7 year old self as it is to me today: You can’t always reach the stars, but you’ll certainly be better for trying.
“And I want to say something to the schoolchildren of America who were watching the live coverage of the shuttle’s takeoff. I know it is hard to understand, but sometimes painful things like this happen. It’s all part of the process of exploration and discovery. It’s all part of taking a chance and expanding man’s horizons. The future doesn’t belong to the fainthearted; it belongs to the brave. The Challenger crew was pulling us into the future, and we’ll continue to follow them.” — President Ronald Reagan.
From the Daily Mail– This is the hilarious moment a photographer visiting the Nairobi National Park in Kenya completely misses a pair of rhinoceros going at it right behind him. Greg Armfield, a senior producer with WWF-UK, can be seen lying down with his camera as a male rhino mounts a female right behind his back. Mr Armfield was visiting the Masai Mara for a lion collaring expedition, and was himself photographed seemingly completely oblivious to the animals in the background. The WWF-UK has been visiting the park to follow a rhino ranger as he and his team patrol the park. Nairobi National Park is one of Kenya’s most successful rhinoceros sanctuaries, and it is one of only a few parks in the world where visitors can be certain of seeing a black rhinoceros in its natural habitat.
Sarah Palin shocked the world by pretending she thinks anyone still care what she says when she endorsed fellow Reality TV star Donald Trump for President.
The rambling, 20 minute word-salad vomit-fest was as perfect snapshot of the people Trump is courting for support. Trump is absolutely crushing it with uneducated whites and bringing the angry white nationalists to the forefront, so who better to capture that message than the 2008-loser-turned-celebrity-turned-quitting-governor-turned-political-grifter, Sarah Palin?
This was the type of free-thought (using the word “thought” loosely) word-soup we were treated to:
“Where, in the private sector, you actually have to balance budgets in order to prioritize — to keep the main thing, the main thing — and he knows the main thing. A president is to keep us safe economically and militarily. He knows the main thing, and he knows how to lead the charge. So troops, hang in there, because help’s on the way because he, better than anyone, isn’t he known for being able to command, fire!”
On another note, was there ever really any doubt? Honestly, is there a single Sarah Palin fan that wasn’t going to vote for Donald Trump already?
If you need a good laugh (and a good helping of SMH’s), do yourself a favor and watch (or read the transcript) the Queen of Amurika do her thing. It’s that enjoyable.