Crap you should read Wednesday (5/25)

Heat win in OT:

The Heatles took a commanding 3-1 lead last night when they pulled out the 101-93 overtime victory against the visiting Bulls. What stands out most about this victory is that this game wasn’t won by the Big 3, it was won by the ENTIRE Miami Heat. It might have taken a full season, and well into the 3rd round of the playoffs, but the Heat finally look like a TEAM. Lebron, Wade, and Bosh didn’t have stellar offensive nights, but they all shined when it counted, especially on the defensive end of the floor. Biggest surprise of the night, Mike Miller’s 12 point/9 rebound game; especially with 9 in the fourth quarter giving him his best second half since he beat Butler in 2000.

The Heat are now the dominating force everyone thought they’d be, and while they might be beatable on bad nights, if the bench is playing well this team can’t be beat 4 games in a series. Have fun with that Haters. The Heat will try to clinch their second Finals berth tomorrow night in Chicago.

I do have one major beef with one thing though: I am seriously tired of the Lebron 1-on-5 play where he takes the ball and dribbles it for 23 seconds before throwing up a shot that NEVER goes in. How can this still be our play late in the game at this point in the season? It hasn’t worked a single, solitary time. Lebron is the most gifted player on the planet, but I NEVER want him dribble for 24 seconds without passing at the end of the game. We have D-Wade, and he never sees the ball at the end of games? That’s his forte, why abandon it so Lebron can take on 5 guys? I hate watching any one guy dribble out the clock. I want to see a pick, a roll, a pass…something. Call a play, Coach!

Miller proves, not only can't we jump, but now White men can't celebrate properly either

Quadruple Amputee to swim between 5 continents

Phillipe Croizon lost all his limbs back in 1994 after he was electrocuted while fixing a TV antenna. With the help of custom made flippers, and a former swimming champion partner/guide, Croizon will swim a tour between 5 continents, braving shark-infested waters along the way.

This is truly a moving story, but I dont mean to point out the obvious…from underwater our limbs that differentiate us from other sea-animals and keep the sharks at bay. Sharks have already been Tweeting about his journey and will be lining Croizon’s route like Californians did to OJ.

Quadruple Amputee to swim through shark infested waters — AOL

The Sharks can't wait for the celebrity they affectionately refer to as "Bob"

Netanyahu adresses Congress

Israeli Prime Minuter, Benjamin Netanyahu addressed a friendly US Congress yesterday to discuss his vision for Mideast peace, and try to clear up some discrepancies with President Obama’s 2-state plan for Palestine. Netanyahu took the opportunity to clarify that much was made of the initial rebuff of Obama’s plan, but in reality it’s still very similar to many of the previously offered peace plans. It seems that Bibi’s main issue, as many knew it would be, was Obama’s statement that Israel should retreat to the borders established in 1967. Such a transition would uproot many Israelis who now live in settlements in disputed territories, but Bibi says he is open to ceding some of the land back if it will bring peace; Israel just can’t retreat to the exact 1967 specifications due to major security concerns.  What concerns? Well mainly they need buffers to keep the other nations from following through with their stated missions is to wipe Israel off the face of the Earth.

Netanyahu was also clear that the Right to Return for Palestinians is a no-go and will never be authorized by Israel. They aren’t being stubborn, its just a two-fold practical issue. First, if they grant the millions of displaced Arabs citizenship, then Jews would be outnumbered, and Israel would no longer be a majority Jewish state. Second, too much time has passed since Israel was given Independence, you can’t just let them walk into their homes they abandoned 70+ years ago like nothing ever happened.

If Obama was serious about setting forth an American model for peace, he should make Israel give the Palestinians casinos and tax-free cigarettes.

Netanyahu addresses a friendly US Congress — Reuters

"And 2nd, stop calling us 'Cheap'!"

Egypt Tries Mubarak

Egypt is calling back ousted-President Hosni Mubarak to stand trial for his crimes against his people, namely the murders of more than 800 protesters during the revolution that swept through Egypt. The world will be watching this ordeal closely, as it will likely stage a model for the rest of the Middle Eastern nations dealing with their own democratic revolutions. The question remains whether or not Mubarak will even stand trial as he is currently in a Sharm el-Sheikh hospital, hanging out in the resort town, and dealing with his phantom health issues. Many say Mubarak is being protected by the Military he ran (and made wealthy) during his 30+ year reign, but Military leaders say that he is under the care of the judiciary, and will stand trial as soon as he’s seen fit to do so.

Oh yeah, his people are seeking the Death Penalty, so I’m sure Hosni won’t be asking his doctors for an early release.

Egypt calls for Mubarak to stand trial for crimes against people — Yahoo

"Cameron, if you're not over here in 15 minutes, you can find a new best friend."

Mile-High Club of 1

Kyle Pearce of Florida officially entered the Mile High club on a flight from Spokane to Denver….by himself! Pearce was caught masturbating in coach seat 18D by fellow passengers. The man sitting behind him even nudged him in the arm with a book to get him to stop. I don’t know what the hub-bub was about; its not like he hit the “stewardess help” button, and he was understanding enough to take his one-man show to the bathroom. The lady in 18E said he “ejaculated and got some on the seat.” Jesus Christ lady, there are just some things you don’t talk about in public!

Of course, police are so touchy-feely about this kind of thing, so Pearce was arrested when the plane touched down and faces up to 90 days in jail and $3,000 fine. If he was smart, he’d only fly into Masturbation-friendly Brazil. My question is, if he was being watched, and even went to the bathroom, how long was this beat-sess going on for? Was there even Wi-Fi on the plane, because if not, WTF was he whacking to, empty thoughts? Who does that anymore?

Man arrested for In-Flight Masturbation — The Smoking Gun

CLICK HERE for your caption


Tosh hit the nail on the head with this Hilarious video from last night’s show. These are things you definitely never want to hear your girl say.



To further prove that I am just a big kid, I saw this trailer the other day, and I have never been so psyched for a friggen video game. Call of Duty is coming out with yet another installment to their blockbuster, record-breaking Call of Duty line: Modern Warfare 3.  This looks better than any movie coming out in the theater this summer.

Which means I have to prepare for my week of “saving the world” while getting absolutely no bush whatsoever.


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