Tebow Love vs. Jets Hatred

"Hey Mark. I'm your Peyton Manning. God Bless."

 

Damn the New York Jets. It’s not enough that they find ways to embarrass my Miami Dolphins year after year, but now they have me questioning my relationship with Tim Tebow. 

I’m an unabashed Tebow supporter; one of those obnoxious Gator fans most of the country envies despises. I’ve watched nearly every single game #15 played since he first stepped foot in The Swamp. I’m also a Miami Dolphins fan, born with a hatred of the New York Jets that runs deep in my core. I was fine when he joined the Broncos (and actually welcomed another team to cheer for while my Fins pretended Chad Henne wasn’t a donkey), but I CANNOT root for the New York Jets — a team with fans so dumb their only chant is four letters long and spells their name. I just can’t. Can I?

I understand that I’m a grown-ass man with hero-worship issues, but the bottom line is John Elway effed up my world. The Toothy-One always saw The Chosen One as The One He Didn’t Choose, and last season even traded away their #1 reciever (Brandon Lloyd) just to hurt their offense so he could later justify dumping him. Even after Tebow took the Broncos to the playoffs, he became expendable once Denver signed a broken-necked legend (and loser Tennessee Volunteer who could never beat the Gators).

NY is about to salute its very first virgin

I just don’t understand why the Broncos dumped their rushing TD leader rather than figure out a way to utilize his unique, defense-destroying skill-set 5-10 plays a game. Why not keep him as insurance for their new QB who’s one sack away from Stephen Hawking-ness?  Did they hate his game so much that they thought he couldn’t benefit from learning under the smartest QB in the League?

The Broncos –  and the rest of league –  refused to see the greatness that is Tim Tebow (shut it, haters). The kid is a Swiss Army knife of intangibles – complete with the emblazened cross – and he’s only in his 3rd year. It’s understandable many don’t think he’s ready to start at QB, and that he still has to develop. So don’t start him! Develop him, and dare I say…coach him!!!

Denver’s asking price for Tebow was so low, the FTC almost had to step in. How weren’t there more suitors? Sure, whatever team traded for him had to fork over $2.5 million to cover his bonus, but Timmy makes that in flippin’ Jersey sales (in case Tim’s reading) and free press starting Day 1. He brings with him a built-in fanbase the likes of which haven’t been seen in 2012 years. Plus, not sure if you’ve been paying attention since 2006, but this is Tim Tebow: all he does is win (except against New England).

Good coaches find a way to use great players and Tim Tebow is a great football player. The question now becomes, are Rex Ryan and Tony Sparano good coaches?

The Jets might seem like morons because they can’t read a contract, but history will prove them to be Warren Buffet-like geniuses who saw great value where others shunned it. Damn them.

Screw everyone crying that the Jets traded for Tebow as a publicity stunt (that’s you, Joe Namath, Antonio Cromartie, Santonio Holmes, Stephen A Smith, et al). This piece of *&%# team actually did something right, assuming they didn’t just bring him in because Rex Ryan loves a QB with good feet.

"Man, I'd love to smell his socks..."

It kills me to utter these words, but the JETS are a perfect situation for Timmy, and here’s why:

  • Tim now has coaches that actually WANT him and know his value. Rex and Sparano love to run the football and they love the Wildcat formation. For the record, the Wildcat formation will love #15.
  • With much of the UF student body made up of Long Island kids using their grandparents’s Florida addresses to get cheap in-state rates, Tim has a built in Gators fan base that will ease the transition to the big apple. 
  • Mark Sanchez sucks, and if NY has to sit through 13 point games and rely on Defense, they’d probably rather do it with Tebow at the helm.
  • Did I mention that Mark Sanchez sucks? 
  • Tim gets to preach his gospel on the biggest stage in the world, and do more for his “church” than he could do in Denver. 

HBO must be jizzing their pants right now for Hard Knocks, although this year’s installment will actually play more like a Disney movie: The good All-American preacher-boy gets traded from his small town to the big city team where he faces the sins of NY, both in the city and in his new lockerroom filled with disbelievers; but soon both the choir-boy and the sinning rough-necks find ways to rub off on each other, and together they bring hope (and a Super Bowl) to the city. Think Angels in the Endzone meets Kingpin.

I love hate every second of it. I’m so jealous.

God Damn the Jets? Wait, God certainly won’t be damning the Jets anymore.

This sickens me to my core. I hate the fact I now have to watch sixteen JETS games a year. I hate that I’ll be rooting for someone wearing Green and White. I hate that when I cheer for Tebow, people nearby will mistake me as a member of Gang Green.

Is it possible for my Dolphins-loving self to put aside such ingrained JETS hatred? If anyone can help pull off this miracle, it’s Tebow.

Damn you, Timmy. Love hurts.

C-R-A-P-Crap! Crap! Crap!

 

***originally written for The Fan HubMarch 23,2012

"God, do you ever visit New York?"

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