Crap you should read

Daily Darwinism Reminder

 

 

Obama Says He Won’t Detain You Forever…Maybe

The White House announced some major changes to the controversial Defense Authorization Bill that previously ok’d indefinite detention for all terror suspects without trial, even for American citizens or residents. The fact that Americans could be held forever without trial infuriated just about everyone paying attention, even when Obama pinky-swore to never use this law on Americans.

You can get all the details here, but know the scope was limited severely to make sure we can’t be detained without the basic freedom of Habeus Corpus. It’s also allegedly promised that Citizens will be thoroughly judged (with no secret evidence) by actual Courts before getting tagged as a terrorist and thrown in front of military tribunals where they’ll have to impress Howie, Sharon and Howard Stern. So basically, its an extra step or two before you get chucked away for good. Phew! Thanks Barry for clearing this issue up that was actually decided 240 years ago when the Country was born.

"I hear you America, and I'm kinda shocked that White People don't want to be locked up for life either. Who knew?"

 

GOPing on Michigan and Arizona

Mitt Romney won both Arizona and his “home state” of Michigan. Not for nothing, not sure if Rom-bot should be bragging considering his lead challenger is Santorum, a guy who brags that the concept of Separation of Church and State makes him “want to throw up“, and that “President Obama wants every child to go to college. What a snob!”

With these moves, Santorum has pushed himself far out of VP contention, and to be honest, I’m not quite sure Rick is going to have any friends left after this race. Not-so-Super Tuesday is up next with 10 states deciding on who’s going to lose in November.

"Hey not so fast, Reality. Stay as far away as possible."

 

Dobbs is a Dick

Last week Lou Dobbs slammed the cartoon The Lorax for indoctrinating kids with anti-big business propaganda. He worries that these cartoons  are “demonizing the 1% and espousing green energy policies” and will “forever try to pit the makes against the takers“. Holy Crap. He called 99% of the country “takers” — hey shumck, 85% of our country is employed!

But is he onto something that cartoons are mind-warping propaganda? After all, The Little Mermaid taught me women that can’t speak are best, and Beauty of the Beast convinced me it’s ok to be an ass and lock a bitch upstairs until she falls in love with me.

"Screw you, Dobbs"

 

  • Facebook is bringing people together…in Court. People are getting sued left and right over pictures posted on Facebook. Fortunately, a court recently threw out a case of a nephew pissed that his Uncle posted an ugly pic of him. On the other hand, an Int’l court ruled for an ex-husband whose ex-wife posted a pic of herself wearing a T-shirt that roughly translated “my ex-husband is an asshole. So basically you can’t collect for being ugly, but slander is still slander.
  • California now requires their Judges to report whether they are gay or straight. The stated purpose is to ensure Gays are adequately represented on the Bench, but why should who you bang be criteria for interpretation of the law?
  • The best order to watch the Star Wars Saga for the first time. It’s  VI, V, II, III, VI in case you’re wondering. Yup, no Episode I, no pod-racing, no Jake Lloyd, no creepy pedophile love story, and certainly no Jar Jar. Sorry, Liam Neeson.

"Baby, you know how to press all the right buttons..."

 

Crap you should Watch

  • Virginia — Last week, on the State House floor, Rep Dave Albo recalled a cute little tale about how his support for mandatory trans-vaginal testing made his wife not bang him. Hey, what good is it to be an elected official if it keeps you from getting laid, am I right? This is how a bill becomes a law…with porn music?

 

  • Cal Poly Pomona and Cal State Domingez Hills played a Double Overtime instant classic. 3 buckets were hit in the final seconds, including a Miracle Buzzer Beater by Cal Poly Pomona’s Mitchel Anderson aka “The Dude who Definitely Got Laid Friday Night”.

 

  • An Israeli movie theater pulled off a great stunt to raise awareness for Israeli Alzheimer’s Association. Moviegoers were shown the wrong movie, and after a few minutes of complete disorientation, were told this is what Alzheimer’s patients feel all day, every day. Most found the stunt to be completely mind-opening, while others were embarrassed for throwing poo at the screen.

 

  • When I saw a drugged-up chick in a car asking “What’s in my mouth?” I immediately thought this was a twisted Bang Bus vid, but then I realized it was an adult David after Dentist thing. Poor Nina isn’t asking the same question over and over again just because she’s a girl, but rather because she’s WASTED on anesthesia, and her mom is a jerk.

 

  • Triumph the Insult Comic Dog at the Golden Collar Awards. It’s hilarious, and that’s all you really need to know. (Starts around 1:00 after Conan’s monologue).
  • Wow, wow and wow. A Girl,  a Hula Hoop and my dreams.  The whole thing is great, but the best moves come at around 2:55.

 

Get over the Hump. Or under it. Either way, it’s ok to stare…
As always, too many Humps to post here, so for more than 40 pics and GIFs, check out  Hump Day Horniness — The Ryno’s Horn

Get more than 40 pics and GIFs at Hump Day Horniness — The Ryno’s Horn

Have a Horn-y Hump Day

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Hump Day Horniness — The Ryno’s Horn

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***Some pics sent in by Hornballs, other courtesy of TheChive.com, RegretfulMorning.com, GirlsinYogaPants.com, and other glorious places on the world wide intraweb.

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