Crap you should read Monday



Unemployment Figures are Crap

Last week the Labor Department announced that 243,000 jobs were created in January, and unemployment is now down to 8.3% (down from 8.5 in December), the lowest in years. Of course, the White House was quick to brag about the new figures, and GOP candidates were quick to say the President had nothing to do with it (though if they were in office, they’d take full credit).

Fact is, its all bullcrap. NEVER trust unemployment figures, they’re misleading and mean absolutely nothing. Sure it’s great that almost 250k jobs were created last month, but the low Unemployment figure can more appropriately be attributed to the 1.2 million laborers that somehow disappeared from the labor force. Where do they go? The Labor Dept does tricky things, like switching  people to “part-time” workers or just stop counting them altogether because they haven’t been working for so long. Naturally, percentages are affected when you take out 1.2 million people out of the equation.

With today’s technology, and the cheap labor overseas, there will always be millions of unemployed Americans; there’s nothing you can do about it. Now it’s just a matter of how to present those figures in the least detrimental (or most detrimental) way possible. Don’t you just love Statistics?

Read: Record 1.2 million people “fall out” of labor force —

NEVER wait in the unemployment porta-potty line...


Other Political Crap

  • Mitt Romney coasted to an easy victory in the Nevada Caucus. Gingrich lost a lot of steam, though Ron Paul made a strong showing in Libertarian Nevada. Who is Rick Santorum again?
  • Newt Gingrich Campaign is now all about Texas. The man refuses to give up though its obvious the nation can’t stand him. He’ll keep telling the country how horrible Mitt Romney is for just a little while longer. What is he holding on for? His ego? Book sales? A VP nod which will never happen?

"Actually Matt, if you hold their heads here long enough, with both hands...they'll finally give in."


Damn You, Ayatollah
Iran — On Friday, Ayatollah Khamenei gave a little warning to the Jews of the world: prepare for your annihilation. Although they’ve promised to wipe the “cancerous” Israel off the map for years, the Ayatollah claims they’re now justified in doing so because Israel will probably soon strike their nuclear program. Therefore, the Ayatollah laid out the plan for wiping out Jews, and Jewish assets across the globe. 
But we shouldn’t be alarmed by their nuclear program…its for peaceful purposes. You know, the peace you bring to the world by killing Jews and Americans. How will they accomplish such an annhilation? Will it be by nuclear bomb, terrorist attacks, or their super-duper fleet of female ninjas (video below)?



Other Worldly Crap

  • The world is pretty angry at Russia and China this week after they vetoed a UN resolution condemning Syria. Among other sanctions, the resolution called for President Assad to step down amid the brutal government crackdown on the civil war that is quickly turning into genocide. The resolution seemed like a no-brainer, but Russia and China do too much business with the Arab world, and can’t afford to crap on Syria (which is run by Iran).
  • Besides the fact that they constantly call for the destruction of Israel and America, wonder why the US is all hard up to keep Iran from getting a nuclear weapon? Could it have something to do with Iran developing missile to reach the United States?

"No, this is one of our PEACEFUL missles that can peacefully travel 6,000 miles to reach America..."


Super Bowl

Indianapolis — You might have heard there was a big football game last night. To a Dolphins/Gators fan like myself, this dog-crap game had only one story-line to root for: the embarassment of Peyton Manning. Peyton and little brother Eli had one championship apiece, but then MVP Eli went and showed big brother up by beating the Patriots…again. Poor old Peyton and his broken neck, will probably never get the chance to catch him. It’s the small things that get me through the day. Also, how awesome is it that the winning TD was one of the dumber looking Super Bowl TDs of all time?

The only other moderately entertaining part about this game was the halftime show. What started out as another “safe” show of an aging rock star, turned borderline exciting when the 53 yr old Madonna almost tripped in her 10-inch slut heels. Then chick-rapper MIA, brought in to pretend the show was hip, dropped a “shit” on air and flipped-off the audience. Sure it’s no “nipple-gate”, but MIA probably thought she was being edgy and controversial, but instead she came off as a classless attention-whore. Over a hundred million people worldwide tune in to watch a “family” program of  guys beating the crap out of each other, so is it really “cool” to curse and flip off families around the world? At least we got to see an embarrassed NBC try to blur it out, but miss completely.

Stay Classy, MIA

As for the duds of comercials, if you know me, you know this one was my fave…


Other Crap

  • According to a survey of over 5000, most singles are perfectly content with their singledom. The desire to get married is also decreasing. This also just in, masturbation is seriously on the rise….
  • Vermont inmates scored a big one against Vermont police when Inmates managed to hack the system and sneak pigs onto Police Car decal. Not for nothing, but maybe they should take the printing press out of the prison.
  • Apparently these are the closest Pictures of “un-contacted” Peruvian Tribes ever taken. I’m sorry, but just going near these tribes is wrong. Besides bringing them horrible diseases they haven’t developed immunities for, why scare the crap out of them like that crappy M Night Shyamalan movie? I’m sure these people have their own gods, and airplanes circling overhead taking pics or jeeps rolling through the forest, make for a confusing bonfire talk with the native kiddies.  

Stay Horn-y, Peru


Ultimate Tazer Ball

Ever since Friends introduced me to Fire-Ball, I longed for a game as moronically amazing. Someone must have listened to my prayers, because now there’s Ultimate Tazer Ball, a brilliant game combining a ball, a goal, tazers, and complete idiots.

On a side note, I love how regular “Tazer ball” didn’t sound bad ass enough; this is the Ultimate version…..

Watch: Ultimate Tazer Ball — YouTube



This guy lived on his bike for 382 days, and dedicated the video to his dad. I wonder who he dedicated his shower to?

Watch: Man who lived on his bike


Bad Ass Ad of the Day

The creative wacko’s OK GO pulled off another gem of a video. Disguised as an ad for the Chevy Sonic, the group drove their musical car through a 2-mile track of over 1000 “instruments”. The whole thing took 4 months to prep and 4days to film. Just watch the damn thing.

Watch: Netting/Getting — OK GO


Best FAILs of January

A lot of people did stupid Crap in January. Many of them hurt themselves. This video is about 6 minutes of Darwinism reminders. Life is funny. So are friends that keep the camera steady rather than help.

Watch: FAIL compilation of January 2012



 Monday Fun Day

53 yr old dancing like shes 16...Is she more embarrassed than we are?

Thankfully, he didn't have to deuce

Your argument is invalid

Repeal Don't Ask/Don't Tell, and this is what happens

Give us back our Pink Crocs

Worst. Period. Ever.

"Hey, do you guys know a good QB?"

Yeah kid, we get it

Who needs translation?

Have a Horn-y Monday


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