Crap you should read this Weekend

 

 

G.O.P.ing  All Over Florida

Jacksonville — The Republican Presidential wannabes went at it again last night, and dare I say its time to be frightened when Rick rape babies are God’s special gifts Santorum appears to be the sanest man on stage. Amid all the bickering between the two “front-runners” Mitt and Newt, Santorum pleaded:

“These two gentlemen who are out distracting from the most important issues we have by playing petty personal politics. Can we set aside that Newt… used the skills he developed as a member of Congress to go out and advise companies, and that’s not the worst thing in the world, and that Mitt Romney is a wealthy guy who worked hard?”

Of course not Ricky. But in the end the surging Gingrich lost steam with a lackluster debate performance, especially after a few of his patented tricks (like calling out the Liberal, Elite media) fell flat. He took a big hit for refusing to stop/counter the anti-Romney BS his Super PAC runs in their ads, and took even more crap for his “bold idea” to guarantee a Moon Colony by the end of his 2nd term. Newt just seemed like a grumpy old man stuck in a corner.

Mitt Rombot apparently got a new program upload. He was aggressive, well-prepared and confident for the first time in a while. Naturally Mitt had some problems with the truth, but that’s just Mitt being Mitt. Even though a recent poll said 61% think Mitt would say anything to get elected, many pundits anointed him the “winner”…but that’s kinda like being the best player on the New Orleans Hornets.

Ron Paul’s main contribution was looking old and sounding crotchety, both points he played for laughs with mediator Wolf Blitzer.

All in all, it was another boring show, more demonstrative in that none of these candidates has any desire to relate to the majority of Americans, only their own party faithful. 9.5 months left of this? Really?

Read: Mitt Romney wins Florida debate, Newt Gingrich looks rattled and uneven — ABCNews.com

Read: Gingrich jab at Media and Moderator falls flat — Reuters.com

Read: Romney ridicules Gingrich; Calls him repulsive, says he’d fire him — DailyMail.uk

Read: Fact-Checking the Jacksonville Debate — PolitiFact.com

"I know you are, but what am I?"

 

What about Ron?

Ron Paul is not going to win the Republican nomination, and as much as many Republicans can’t wait for Paul to be gone, how are they going to handle his exit? The Libertarian Senator has a ton of die-hard supporters who aren’t exactly “Republicans”, so assuming he isn’t convinced to run as 3rd party, how will Republicans keep these unconventional voters in their corner come November? They’re certainly going to have to embrace him and his ideas, otherwise they risk watching his 15% of GOP share disappear faster than a fact around Mitt Romney.

The “Paul Situation”  will certainly be one of the more entertaining aspects of the election to watch, especially because I assume the future GOP candidate will have to pander to Ron and his base. Once Ronnie is officially done running, who knows what will come out of his mouth!?!

Read: Ron Paul and the pink slip that could decide the election — Blogs.Reuters.com

"I once lifted Newt Gingrich this high...."

 

Iran Crap

Iran — President Ahmadinejad claims Iran is ready to revive talks about their nuclear program. For the record, when he says revive talks, he means only so long as you realize they have no intention of changing their mind because they’re right and everyone else is wrong.

“It is you who come up with excuses each time and issue resolutions on the verge of talks so that negotiations collapse. Why should we shun talks? Why and how should a party that has logic and is right shun talks? It is evident that those who resort to coercion are opposed to talks and always bring pretexts and blame us instead.”

They are so full of Crap. The whole thing is just a farce so they can sit at the table and kill time BSing while they carry on with their nuclear program anyway. Are we going to play along and lift sanctions just because they’re open to talking? They’re not open to changing, so hopefully the world will keep its boot on their economic throat.

Read: Ahmadinejad says Iran ready for nuclear talks — Yahoo.com

"You in section 23, row 8....is that a Bugle Boy Burka you're wearing?"

 

F*ckin’ Cops

New Mexico — Stephen Slevin hit a $22 million jackpot, and all he had to do was get locked in solitary confinement for 2 years without a trial. Slevin was arrested for DWI back in 2005, thrown in solitary confinement and basically left to rot (without a trial). His teeth certainly rotted, and after he was denied dental care had to pull out his own tooth (without a trial).

Those of us in big cities forget that 90% of Amurika is podunk towns, and podunk towns run The Law a bit diff’rent. My experience in national criminal law tells me taught me three things: women are crazy and love to get their men arrested, the South sucks if you’re black, and be on your best behavior in Arizona or New Mexico because they’re the dirtiest cops in the country. When the nearest town is 50 miles away, Cops and Courts do whatever the hell they want. “I know my rights” doesn’t cut it out there.

In Slevin’s case, the Federal Jury felt that the neglect and abuses (without a trial) warranted the $22 million reward against Dona Ana County, one of the largest prisoner rights settlements ever. Who says drinking and driving isn’t worth it?

Man held in solitary confinement 2 years after DWI gets $22M — NBCDFW.com

"Do you realithe how hard it ith to thay my name, 'Thlevin' , with mithing teeth?"

 

Really, Pentagon? Really? 

The Department of Defense is currently testing Argus 1, a super-stealth spy plane with a unique….um….design. Basically, its shaped like a huge sperm.

The Argus 1 (named for the Greek God who watched all with a hundred sperm eyes) has a loose, non-rigid body that makes it easy to transport and quick to set up. It can carry 30 pounds of high tech sensors and cameras, and can “hover over remote locations between 10,000 and 20,000 feet, even in rough weather”.

Although it can’t be tracked thanks to its radar-reflecting skin, enemies still have two choices in how to bring the Argus down…spit or swallow.

Read: US Spy plane design leaves designers red-faced — DailyMail.uk

Once finished with its mission, the Argus can be discarded by tissue, or even a sock

 

Other Crap To Read

  • Contestants on Monday’s Fear Factor drink Donkey Semen and wash it down with urine. NBC was worried about the “stunt”, but were eased once Whitney Cummings promised its perfectly healthy. — Fear Factor Donkey Semen Stunt — TMZ.com
  • A 61 yr old woman drove off the road and into a pond, but remained in the car for a week because the Rental Agency told her to stay with her car no matter what. She survived off Peanut M&Ms, bottled water and pure stupidity. Woman remains in wrecked car for a week — DailyMail.uk

 

IMDABES

It’s been more than a week, and I still can’t stop singing this horribly awesome song. Hopefully it will get stuck in your damn head all weekend too. (swak-swak-swak-swak)

Watch: IMDABES — Youtube

 

 Friday Fun Day

It’s Friday, gotta get down on Friday. Here are some pics to get you Hornballs through the day, weekend, whatever. Shut up and enjoy…

Check out : Twice as Many Friday Fun Day Pics

Why no Horniness???????

It's an arm, you perv

I hate you Gronkowski

Too many pics to include in the Crap, 

So Click Here if you want Twice as Many Friday Fun Day Pics!!! 

Have a Horn-y Weekend

Need MORE Horn-y Girls? Click Here!

Catch Up: Crap you should read Thursday 

Catch Up: Crap you should read Hump Day

Catch Up: Crap you should read Tuesday

 Speak up! Comment Below or email  ryno@therynoshorn.com

If you want this Crap on the regular, then follow The Ryno on Facebook and Twitter.