Crap you should read Wednesday


State of the Union IS Strong

Washington, DC — The Orator in Chief struck again. After a year of listening to Republicans clamor for attention trying to prove why they should be President, Barack Obama gave his 3rd State of the Union Address last night and reminded us all why he is The President. President Obama’s rousing address set the narrative for his election campaign: Populism, Fairness, and rejecting the status quo to be build for the future.

Without delving too much into the details of the speech (you can read all that Crap below), Obama called out everyone standing in the way of American progress (Congress, China, etc) and called on others to do what’s “right” for America as a whole, not just one tiny percentage. But his most brilliant trick, the one that will surely bring him victory in November, were his constant reminders that he is in the top 1% of wealth in this country, but is still loudly calling for changes to level the playing field for the other 99%. He set the example for everyone else: I am doing well, I want to make sure you do well also. (That’s in start contrast to the Republican mantra “If I do well, you’ll eventually do well. Trust me.”)

"YES WE CAN....Hop on the Horn!!!"

You’ll hear a lot of talk from both sides about the policies proposed in last night’s speech, but if you actually take the time to watch it yourself (and I highly recommend you do) you’ll hear Barack Obama as the Educator in Chief, truly explaining why our Union is in the state it is today, and eloquently discussing the changes needed to ensure American greatness far into the future. I find it astonishing that anyone can watch Obama behind the pulpit and then imagine Mitt, Newt, Santorum or Paul carrying off that same speech with the same gravitas.

Listen to Obama’s words, not the words of all the talking heads that distort his words to fit their own agenda. Get over the adversarial nature of politics and remember that  Barack Obama is YOUR President, not just the leader of the Democrats. Put your politics aside and listen to the words, the message: America is great, but we can/should/will do better. Almost everything he says rings true; you might disagree on how to get there, but you can’t deny the brilliance of the message…or the messenger.

***On a separate note, I hate the time-honored tradition of applauding at certain parts of the speech, but I’m always shocked at what people DON’T applaud for. For example, how can anyone possibly EVER vote for John Boehner after his display last night? The Speaker of the House sat behind Obama and refused to clap for things like “equality for women” or “equal pay for women” or “equal rights to all”. I don’t care if you disagree on how to accomplish those goals, but how can you NOT applaud “equality for all”? 


Calling Iran’s Bluffs

Persian Gulf — Things are getting a little heated out in the Middle East. US, England and France sent Aircraft Carrier groups through the Strait of Hormuz and into the Persian Gulf, basically to tell Iran to STFU. Iran constantly threatens to close the Strait (through which a fifth of the world’s oil passes) should the World try to force Iran to abandon its “peaceful” nuclear program…so this was our way of saying “Nope”.

The EU gave Iran another huge spanking on Monday when it threw an embargo on Iran’s oil. Prohibiting the sale of oil to all European nations will surely keep a lot of coins out of their pockets, so Iran will continue to threaten. Fortunately their threats are crap. Take for example when they “warned” the US not to bring another carrier into the Gulf “or else…we do not repeat our warnings”. Yet there our Aircraft carrier group sits, with two of its aircraft carrier group friends from other countries.

The big question is, will the Embargo, the carriers, and all of the upcoming sanctions actually convince Iran to abandon its nuclear program (or change the regime that pursues it) or will it just unify and motivate them to pursue it more aggressively?

Read: Can Europe’s Oil Embargo Force Iran to Back Down on Nukes?  — 

Anyone else feeling "Iron Eagle 5" coming out of this?


Dotcom Loses MW3 Ranking  

New Zealand — While in prison, Kim Schmitz aka Kim Dotcom aka the Bond Villain behind MegaUploads, lost something special to him. I’m not referring to his butt-cherry (he is in prison, after all), but rather his number 1 worldwide ranking on Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 (Xbox360).

So by day Dotcom ran an illegal empire, bought huge mansions and expensive cars with personalized badass plates…and by night he was ruling the MW3 universe under the handle Megaracer. Sadly, while Megaracer sat lounging around a New Zealand prison for over $500million in copyright infringement (and another $175 in subscriptions for the illegal service), Arazos was plugged in and kicking some ass. Now Arazos is the King of the All-Virgin Multiplayer Universe.

I think Dotcom still retains his Farmville Champ status, but now he can sit back and focus on what matters….keeping his cellmates from infringing his copyrights in the showers.


Mourning Joe Pa

Happy Valley, Pennsylvania — Tuesday, hundreds of mourners lined up on the College Station campus to pay their respects to legendary Coach Joe Paterno, who passed away Sunday from lung cancer. Joe Pa was a great coach who spent nearly half a century turning boys to men and transforming Penn State University from a cow-poke school into one of the top institutions in our country, and that was evident by the outpouring of support from all the people he touched, in so many ways. Unfortunately his accomplishments will always carry the asterisk of Sandusky and the people he touched in so many ways.

Here’s my karmic question of the day: knowing now that he only had weeks to live, do you wish that this crap didn’t leak, and that Paterno could have gone out as Head Coach and died a happy man? Or is it karma that he had to pay some kind of penance for failing to do more to ensure no more kids were harmed by Jerry Sandusky? I think it sucks.

It’s a shame Paterno was fired in the manner he was…he deserved a lot more. While he certainly deserved some kind of punishment for “overlooking” Sandusky’s crimes, a rash firing was not the answer. This man gave his entire adult life for Penn State, and it’s sad that Paterno couldn’t survive this ordeal “blowing over” so he HEAR and FEEL the respect he deserved before he passed. Hopefully there will come a time when the asterisk is removed from his name, and we can talk about the legend of the winningest coach in NCAA history with nothing but Pride. Joe Pa deserves that.

Read: NFL stars join hundred of mourners to pay respects for Joe Paterno — DailyMail

"Upset? Nah. Where I'm going I'm confident I won't be seeing Jerry anytime soon."


Dancing Traffic Cop

Philippines — I used to dance in the mall to get people to sign up for Sears credit cards. I get it. Keep it up Filipino Dancing Cop guy, though I have to imagine drivers get confused when you tell them to crotch-grab or scream “Sha-moh..yeah…Sha-moh”.

Watch: Filipino Dancing Cop — YouTube


Destroyed in Seconds

The name of the Discovery Channel show says it all. Check out this montage of big Crap getting destroyed in the blink of an eye.


 Extreme Camera Montage

Here’s a cool montage of people doing cool crap with expensive cameras they don’t care about breaking.

Watch: Life is Beautiful –


Hump Day Horniness

Ladies, your unending compulsion to take butt-pics certainly surprises me, but not as much as the repeated requests from my FEMALE Hornballs for more Horn-y Humps. I can never say no to a Horn-y girl.

Life is my camera, so show me your ass. — No one

Come get your Humps.

(***due to size restrictions, can only post half of the Humpy Horniness here in today’s Crap. But click (HERE) for DOUBLE THE HORN-Y HUMP DAY HUMPS!




Have a Horn-y Hump Day

Need your fix of Horn-y Girls? Click Here!


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