Crap you should read this Weekend

 

Obama is a Power-Hungry Dictator!!!

Just about every republican loudmouth is screaming that President Obama is a power hungry dictator out to ruin our country. Their proof? It’s not the  Defense bill he signed that authorized indefinite detentions of terror “suspects” even if they’re American citizens…no that would make too much sense. Their reasoning is that Obama appointed Richard Cordray as head of the Consumer Protection Financial Bureau while Senate was on recess. How horrible!!!

The CPFB is the organization created to regulate the Financial industry in the wake of the worst financial crisis in 80 years, but has been rendered impotent without an actual leader. Obviously those folks who made/still making billions of dollars f*cking over the rest of the country, don’t want to stop making their millions and billions, so they forced their Republican Politicians in their pockets to stand in the way of the CPFB. And stand in the way they have since the summer, intentionally keeping the Bureau from functioning by refusing to give it a leader.

The obstructionist Senate absolutely refused to even hold an up/down vote on Cordray, so Obama used his LEGAL AUTHORITY to make the appointment while Senate was recessed (though there is some debate on the legitimacy of the recess). So now Republicans are painting him as a dictatorial monster out to ruin our country, because he appointed a head to the organization that would better our country. Ridiculous.

For the record, the “power hungry” Obama has used this 28 times so far. President Bush made 61 up through New Years before his 4th year in office. Before they spew this Crap out of their mouths, do Republicans actually open any books, or do they just burn them? For a great recap of the entire shitshow, watch Jon Stewart and John Oliver explain the whole thing better than anyone can.

 

Bachmann Drops Out!!!!

First I hear Katy Perry is single, and now Congresswoman Michele Bachmann dropped out of the Presidential race. Next you’ll tell me is that number that keeps calling me is Jessica Alba and not Sallie Mae. But the controversial Minnesota Congresswoman finally bowed out after finishing last in the Iowa suck my Caucus. After months of bungling just about everything she touched, Michele decided to stop squandering her campaign funds and slink away into the shadows with her husband Marcus sashaying behind her.

I’ve been harsh on Michele Bachmann, but that’s because she’s horrible and represents everything I dislike in politics. I know she’s done an amazing mitzvah taking in all those foster kids, but anyone who runs on a platform of Hate and intentional misinformation is not cool in my book. I also can’t respect someone who refuses to say “I messed up.” Every time she got caught flubbing something, she’d lie her way out of it forgetting that those things in her face were cameras and microphones.

Bachmann was the worst of all “leaders”, a master/abuser of using Faith to manipulate supporters. Strongly courting the evangelical base, Bachmann repeatedly claimed she had an open line to God who advised her on every step in her life; from going to law school, to working for the IRS, to getting involved in politics, to marrying her gay husband, to running for Congress, to opening up a Christian therapy center to combat society’s ills (and homosexuality) through prayer, to running for President.

Speaking of which, if God did tell her to run for President, why was he so mean to her? You know what, who cares? All M-Bachs did was blame the Liberal media for her current predicament, but in this context “liberal” means anyone with a brain that didn’t believe every word she utters just because she told you God said it first. Bachmann rendered herself irrelevant by refusing to shut her biggest vice: her mouth. Good riddance Congresswoman. Don’t let the door NOT hit you on your way out.

 

Santorum hates Blah People

Now that Bachmann is gone, Rick Santorum is ready pick up the Crazy/Bad politician mantle. And just like Bachmann, he’ll flame out once people actually start listening to what the hate-filled evangelical has to say. Today, just a few days of accidentally falling into the nation’s curious graces, Ricky took to the trail denouncing same-sex marriage etc and bashing blacks.

“I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them someone’s money. I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money.”

WHAT? Are blacks the only one’s who recieve Federal Aid? Uh-oh. This is gonna doom him, right? Nope. Santorum also has Bachmann’s flair for lying (and forgetting that cameras record things), and insists he didn’t say BLACK people, but instead said “BLAH” people. You know, those “Blah” people who constantly milk the welfare system. HUH?

To be fair, assuming he did say “blah”, its only because he caught himself about to say that he doesn’t want to give away the white people’s money (are there any brothas or sistas in that room?) to those lazy “blacks” who take it from them. But Ricky promises he isn’t racist (he only hates gays); blacks were on only his mind because he just watched Waiting For Superman about black kids and the school system.

Oh My Goodness. This is is painfully awesome. I love watching people who hate get hated on. In case you’re wondering, its now Gays, Blacks, and Pregnant women who hate Rick Santorum.

 

Welcome Back Casey

Casey Anthony, our nation’s favorite murdering mom; is doing just fine…or at least she was in October when she starting filming a VLOG. The bitch talked to her new webcam about finding the small wonders in her newfound life and how excited she is to be free and alive. In case your wondering, she never once mentions the name Caylee, you know, her poor little daughter who will never find any small wonders out of life again.

But all is well because Casey now has a puppy. I guess she proved how good she is at loving and taking care of loving, helpless beings. Who sold her this damn puppy? I bet they also gave OJ a set of Cutco knives as a get-out-of-jail gift. Someone just please warn that dog not to go swimming and stay away from the bath.

I’m not posting this for the macabre purposes, but rather to show you what complete pathological insanity looks like.

 

 The Chipmunk Flasher

Illinois —  Everybody enjoys the new Alvin & The Chipmunks movie in their own way. Midway through the movie, Edward Brown walked to the front of the packed theater completely naked, and showed the 86 other patrons his dong. He let the vision sink in, then sat down to have himself a good little laugh at the talking chipmunks. Obviosuly some uptight lady complained, and security pulled Brown out of the theater and arrested him.

Eddie B, 34, claims a special lady-friend promised him some Crack if he got naked in front of the theater. Brown needs to reevaluate his friendships, because he didn’t get the crack, but did get a charge of disorderly conduct, as well as 3 counts of indecent exposure to a minor (ages 4, 6 and 6) and one count of sexual exploitation of a minor under 14.

You know what’s the most troubling thing about that? If he has 4 charges of abuse of minors (4,6,6,14), does that mean the other 82 people in Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked were adults? WTF?

Read: Naked Man Flashes theatergoers at Chipmunks Movie — RBLandmark.com

"I mean they was talkin chipmunks!"

 

Vinnie Jones CPR

You need to know how to perform CPR. What’s gonna happen if you need to save your surfing buddy, or if your Grandma falls and can’t get back up? Are you worried you won’t be able to remember what to do when the moment strikes and your boss’s wife accidentally snorts your heroine and you don’t have an adrenaline shot?

Fortunately, Vinnie Jones made a little CPR instructional video, and when Vinnie Jones tells you how to do something, you do it. And when Vinnie Does it to Staying Alive, it tends to leave its mark.

Watch: Vinnie Jones Fast and Hard CPR Video — Youtube.com

 

Das Deep Love

Friends don’t let friends drive drunk, especially when their daughter is in the back seat. And what happens when that friend is a beligerant ass? You knock him on his ass.

This is oddly touching, in the knockout/sleeper-hold kinda way.

 

Rack City Grandma

Just another perfectly normal video of a dude rapping while his Grandma dances in the background. There’s just something about seeing this old lady breaking it down in the background while mouthing “Rack City, bitches.” Oh, interweb, you got me again.

 

Feel Good of the Day

Germany —  I’m preconditioned to want to see Germans unhappy, but even I was moved by this video of a sick Grandfather surprised by a visit from his Grandson from the United States.

 

Friday Fun

Here is some Friday love for you   I certainly want to thank all you Hornballs that have been sending me Horn-y pictures. It’s a collaborative effort keeping us all Horned up for the weekend. Enjoy the fruits of our collective labor.

 

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