Jermito’s Strange World

My sexy freak of the week

 

Welcome to my World of the Odd, Strange, Bizarre and Disturbing.

I have a particular penchant for the Bizarre and the “Out There”, so hopefully these random stories will be as shocking to you as they are to me.

These are strange times we live in. We might as well laugh at it.

-Jermito

 

Wet n Wild

Opoczno, Poland — As a lifeguard at Six Flags Atlantis when I was younger, I saw people getting frisky in the hot tubs on the regular. But leave it to Polish Horn-dogs to take it up a notch (insert Pollock joke here). A daring, yet stupid couple was caught in the act at the top of a waterslide by surveillance cameras, and  reports say they were going at it unnoticed for at least 5 minutes. I’m not quite sure how this is possible with all those obnoxious kids waiting for their turn to “ride” the slide.

Just as the daring duo were about to “Get Off” the ride at the bottom of the slide, park attendants gave them the customary Pollock Send Off by dousing them with cold buckets of water. (Probably would have been more effective earlier) That was then followed by a quick escort to the exit without collecting their belongings.

I’m pretty sure they had sex in the parking lot while they waited for the staff to bring them their stuff.

A big thanks to my Aunt (who continually calls me a Perv) for sending me this gem.

Full Story: Couple Busted Having Sex on Water Slide – Huffington Post

Certainly less brag-worthy when you realize he was able to finish before the slide was over

 

Risky Business 2

Keeping with the public sex theme, do you recall the infamous late-night sex scene in Risky Business on an empty subway car? Well this story is nothing like that. Seems some of our crazy (and totally drunk) Canadian neighbors decided to reenact that special scene on a crowded train right smack in the middle of a lovely Sunday afternoon.

Reports say the “Frisky Business” duo made no attempts at discretion and actually got a fellow passenger to press the yellow emergency strip to stop the train. The drunken couple then stood up, staggered off the train, and onto the subway platform where they decided to finish up right there on the floor. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “Mind the Gap”.

It supposedly took the police 14 minute to arrive, so I’m assuming they gave him time to finish up. The couple was arrested and taken to the hospital because they “both appear to be quite intoxicated”. Nothing quite like Toronto in the Winter ….

Full Story – Drunk Toronto Couple Arrested for Having Sex on Subway Platform – National Post

$5 footlong or 6 inch?

 

Pissed Off Banker

Palm Coast — Another Pissed-Off banking customer leaves his mark. It seems a male customer was a bit unhappy when his drive-up Teller informed him that RBC Bank did not sell money orders. He got Pissed Off, literally.

No protests or nasty letters written to the CEO, instead the guy left a little golden liquid gift in the vacuum-tube canister. Unfortunately his bold move did not quite have the effect on the bank as he had hoped. The guy forgot his wits, and forgot to send the piss-tube back up the vacuum highway to the Teller. It was instead delivered to the next customer in the form of a wonderful, wet lap surprise.

Next time push the SEND button dumbass….

Read: Disgruntled bank customer urinated in drive-in banking tube – Orlando Sentinel

"ID? Ohhh, I thought you asked to see some 'I Pee', Yes, ID makes more sense. My bad."


Coitus in a Corolla

Port St Lucie — “What a girl wants, what a girl needs, whatever makes me happy sets you free.” I guess Christina Aguilera wasn’t singing about Jennifer McFadden, because her needs did not set her free…they got her arrested. It seems Port St Jenny was always open. She was also on probation for robbery charges, and living in a halfway house. Halfway to what we’ll never know, but it surely wasn’t towards celibacy.

Instead of running to the store as permitted after-hours, Run J.M.C. met a special friend at a park. Then she met a cop who found them in a parked car and took it upon himself to ruin their perfectly good “Coitus in a Corolla” session. Even worse, Jenny was in violation of her probation curfew. That earned her a free pass back to jail where I am sure she’ll have her fill of hot and steamy encounters.

Read:  PSL woman violates probation to have sex – TC Palm

Mugshot or a "Before" slide for ProActiv commercial?

 

Let’s Play – Hide the Asparagus

Boca Raton – Ever wonder why it takes so long to get your food at a nice restaurant? Our friends at Morton’s Steakhouse let us in on the reason why.

I’ll spare you all the gory details, but let’s just say I now know why asparagus makes your pee smell funny. Let’s also say that the guys in the back have too much fun playing grab ass, exposing themselves, and sexually harassing other employees. I may have also heard a little something about staff shoving vegetables down their pants to get themselves aroused, then serving the veggies to paying customers. Wait sorry, those were some of the gory details.

It seems one abused employee grew tired of watching coworkers get fired for complaining to management’s deaf ears, so he decided to quit and sue the company.

Now it makes sense why they charge twelve bucks for an order of Steamy Fresh Asparagus (Creamy Hollandaise Sauce Included at no extra charge).

Read:  Veggie Tails, Lawsuit served up at Morton’s in Boca Raton – Gossip Extra

Don't you just love D-N-A-sparagus?

 

Twinkle Drinkle

Manatee County – Twinkle Twinkle little star, the cops pulled her over for being asleep in her car. Yes that rhymes, No I am not kidding. You have to be pretty liquored up at 7pm to get pulled over because you “appeared to be asleep”.

Twinkle (Schascle Yochim) a supposed famous musician told cops she was not drinking and was on her way home from an AA meeting. When they put her to the test (The Sobriety Test), she ignored directions, stood on one foot and sang Christian Songs. Not a good move, especially considering it wasn’t quite Holiday season yet. Cops did give her an early Christmas present…. a DUI and a ticket for Driving with a Suspended License.

Read: Singer-Songwriter Twinkle Arrested for DUI – Herald Tribune

"Wait, let me check to see if I parked between the lines..."


Jermito’s Special Friends

Why, Yes.I will....

"So....you like Slayer?"

Did he fall asleep on a newspaper?

Why forceps?

Magnets are not his friend

See, I do have a heart