Sports Crap you should Read Monday



RGIII Heisman

It sure does Suck for Luck, but Robert Griffin III won the 2011 Heisman Trophy. While 2010 runner-up Andrew Luck was the odds-on favorite for the trophy all year, the nation just fell too much in love with RG3, the first player from Baylor to ever win the award. What makes the story all the more rewarding is that just a short while ago, an ACL tear appeared to kill any Griffin dreams, but RG3 returned to the gridiron just as fast and agile. 2011 saw Griffin rack up 3998 yds and 36 TDs, while putting up a record shattering 192.31 passer efficiency rating. RG3 also added 644 yds and 9 TDs on the ground to bolster his case for awesomeness.

Now many say RG3 and his kooky socks (he wore a pair of Superman socks to the Heisman ceremony) might be a better Pro prospect than Stanford’s Luck. After a couple seasons swinging from Luck’s nuts, America is awed by Griffin’s sick athleticism, great poise, stellar arm, and heart. Oh yeah, the guy made the honor roll every semester and has dreams of applying to Baylor Law School. Now its time to see if NFL scouts are just as awed as we are. In the meantime, its time for Superman to get some RG3 socks.

Read: Robert Griffin III: Heisman Winner? —


Stupor Sunday

Green Bay laid a 46-16 whoopin’ down on Oakland to stay a perfect 13-0, and make it 19 straight wins going back to last season. Ryan Grant stepped it up for 2 TDs for the first time since LOST was on the air, but WR stud Greg Jennings hurt his knee and could be out for the year. Losing Jennings is a huge blow to what some call the greatest team ever, but this squad is so deep (Rodgers has thrown TDs to 9 different players) they might not even notice.

Houston clinched a playoff birth for the first time in team history with a 20-19 victory over the Bungles. TJ Yates led the Texans to a TD as the clocked ticked down, taking their streak to 7 straight even without top QB Matt Schaub and WR Andre Johnson.

Eli Manning overshadowed Tony Romo in the over-rated QB Bowl, with the Giants scoring two TDs in the final minutes and blocking a Cowboy game-tying FG as time ticked off the clock.

The Patriots held on to beat the lowly Redskins 34-27, but my favorite part of the game was watching Tom Brady get chewed out by his coach after a horrible interception. Even super-hair Brady gets the crap chewed out of him…awesome. Speaking of awesome, Rob Gronkowski put up 160 yds and 2TDs. Gronk set the season record for TDs for a TE with 15, and the 6’7″ monster shows no signs of slowing down. I hate liking a Patriot, so with Wes Welker and Gronk both still suited up for Belichick, I hate myself completely.

Brees, Rodgers and Brady are all still on pace to break Dan Marino’s season passing record of 5084 yds. Each of the 3 need less than 300 yds a game to break the almost 30 year record, with Brees actually needing less than 250/gm. Damn them all.

Playoff news: In the NFC, Dallas and Chicago losses made their postseason bids a bit more difficult, while victories for Atlanta and Detroit helped them gain ground for the Wild Card. In the AFC, Batimore, New England, Pittsburgh, New York and New England, separated further from the next closest pretenders (who all lost) Tennessee, Cincinatti and Oakland. The only AFC bubble team to win was San Diego, but they’re probably too far behind to make a difference.

Was this the playoffs? Dallas goes limp whenever the game is on the lineÂ


Tebow Time

Tim Tebow is blessed. Marion Barber is not. After 3 quarters, the Bears led 10-0 behind a Barber TD and a kickass-as-advertised Defense. Tebow was less than stellar for the first 3 quarters; he tossed an abysmal 3-16 through 3 quarters (11 incomplete passes in a row, with a few dropped balls mixed in) and coughed up a couple of rare turnovers. But when the Denver Offense was still still stalled in the 4th qtr, it seemed like God just had something else to do than watch Bronco football.

Then with minutes left, Timmy dinked and dunked the Broncos down the field, finishing with a roll-out TD strike to Demarius Thomas with 2:08 left. Matt Prader kicked a gorgeous onside kick, but the Bears recovered and only needed to run the clock down to win. Someone didnt give Marion Barber the memo. Barber took a 2nd down handoff too close to the sideline, fell out of bounds and stopped the clock. The Bears had to punt, and Tebow and Co had a minute left to work. That’s like giving Jesus a barrel of water and saying “Get this party started right…”

Tebow threw a few gems, tossed a couple of smart ones into the dirt, and (stop me if you heard this one before) the Broncos had a chance to tie wth seconds left. With some divine intervention Matt Prater hit a career-long 59 yd FG and sent the game into OT. The Bears won the toss, and marched down the field into FG territory, but then Marion Barber choked again, coughed up a fumble and turned the ball back over to the Broncos. Tebow marched his boys right back down the field, and when Prater lined up for the 51 yd game winner, I don’t think there was a person watching that didn’t know that ball was going through the uprights.

After the game, and the obligatory post-game prayers/God-thanking, Brian Urlacher was asked what he thought of the gridiron messiah: “He’s a good running back, man. He runs the ball well.” Apparently the smartass Urlacher forgot to check the stats: Tebow only ran for 49 yds, but passed for 21/40 and 236 yards with 18 of those completions coming in the 4th qtr or Overtime.  Oh yeah, Tebow is now 7-1 as a starter this year, and the Broncos are a full game ahead in the AFC West. Not bad for a running back.


"HAHAHAHA! You see that fumble? Hey Barber, know how I know Jesus hates you?"


Ireland Stays?

The Dolphins came back down to Earth Sunday and returned to 0-7 form, losing to the Eagles 26-10. Matt Moore tossed an early TD to Brandon Marshall on a fade-route Henne was never able to connect on, but looked downright pedestrian 11/19 for 95 yds and 1TD until he was knocked out of the game. New backup JP Losman was no better. Michal Vick returned to the lineup with a decent 15/30 for 208 and 1TD/1Int, but LeSean McCoy stole the show with 2 rushing TDs to seal the W.

After the game, Armando Salguero of the Miami Herald reported it’s basically all but done that Tony Sparano is out in 2012, but somehow GM Jeff Ireland will keep his job. Tony Sparano’s late season surge won over some hearts, but apparently not Steven Ross who believes his team is stocked with under-performing talent. The obvious implication is that Sparano isn’t getting the best out of his players.

One needs only to point to the embarrassingly fruitless drafts and the failed search for a QB to prove how poorly the Front Office has crapped the bed since taking over in 2008. Sparano might not be perfect, but no one is more to blame than the GM. It’s time to bring in some new blood, and in this Horn-y reporter’s opinion, that means ridding the Dolphins of everything Parcells-related as soon as possible.

UPDATED: Tony Sparano has been fired. Steven Ross decided that with other teams looking to fill their fresh vacancies, he didn’t want to wait until the end of the season and potentially lose a good candidate. Assistant Head Coach Todd Bowles has been named interim Head Coach.

Read: Jeff Ireland to stay in 2012; Sparano Out — Miami Herald

"I can't concentrate, Ireland keeps farting into the microphone"Â


The Trade Crap-storm

David Stern has long been rumored to take special care of his favorite (big market) teams, but he downright screwed the Lakers this weekend. LA shook on a 3 team deal that brought them Chris Paul, but sent away fan favorites Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom to Houston and New Orleans. Stern couldn’t let a moment go by without pissing off the world, so he stepped in and vetoed the deal because the League-owned Hornets weren’t getting enough value.

(I wrote about Stern’s horrible decision here)

After the trade got nixed, Chris Paul let it be known that he was furious and possibly seeking legal action against Stern and the League for screwing with his career. Lamar Odom was devastated by the Lakers ditching him, so he marched in and demanded a trade. Odom got his wish, and now he and his Xena Warrior Princess wife are headed to Laker-rival Dallas Mavericks. Pau was so sprung he allegedly ran into the Lakers front office and begged to be taken back and off the block. So now the Lakers got screwed, the Hornets are pissed because their deal for Paul netted them players and picks; the Rockets are pissed because they missed out on Gasol, and everyone in the basketball world wants David Stern to retire.

I love this game!

Read: In the best interests of the League — The Ryno’s Horn

"No, Kobes, I wouldn't say she looks great naked...I'd use the word 'rich'."Â


Braun Hammered

Milwaukee — Baseball has been on a helluva run. The excitement from the end of the regular season, the bombshell World Series, and the exciting free agency moves, all put baseball back in the national conversation. What the game didn’t need was a scandal, and that’s exactly what MLB may have on their hands after 2011 NL MVP Ryan Braun tested positive for a “high level of testosterone caused by a synthetic substance”. Little is known about the results, but The Hebrew Hammer denies taking steroids/HGH. Braun claims he has a legitimate excuse for the high testosterone levels, but he’s precluded from issuing a statement for the time being. Unfortunately, the PR damage might already be done.

What makes this even more embarrassing is that Braun came into the league in 2007, one year after MLB instituted their strict anti-doping stance. Its devastating for someone to come in AFTER the changes were made, because it makes it seem like the epidemic will never go away. Why would it? Braun just signed a 5 year $105 million extension, so assuming Braun did dope up, he’ll return from his proposed 50-game suspension right back into his boatload of cash. Even still, steroid use doesn’t make much sense as Braun isn’t that big (6’1”, 210 lbs) and his numbers last year (33 homers, 332 avg, 33 steals) are all pretty much in line with career norms.

Someone tell me why performance-enhancers are against the rules again? Don’t give me the “cheating” argument, because taking pills before a game doesn’t affect game play. Don’t give me the “taking shortcuts to better yourself” because all the drugs in the world won’t get you anywhere without the hard work. Don’t give me the “unfair advantage” line because there are many strength-enhancing techniques and body-bettering surgeries available today that weren’t around decades ago. The only arguments that make any sense are “health” and “best interests of our kids” but those are issues that can be fixed with other rules rather than an outright ban on performance-enhancers.

Major Leaguers should be the best of the best, and sometimes that means the strongest of the strong. I have NO problem whatsoever with someone doing whatever it takes to make their body the pinnacle of strength and endurance, and then taking medication to help their body heal as quickly as possible. To not do so is arbitrarily singling out one technological/biological advancement out of many that makes us stronger today than our athletic forefathers.

Braun can just sense the guilt trip about to be laid down by his Bubbie


Number One Stunner

Bloomington —  I always love a good underdog story, especially when that story comes at the expense of Kentucky basketball.

The #1 Wildcats took on the unranked Hoosiers this weekend in Indiana, and though at one point losing by double digits, they certainly made it exciting at the end. The final 2 minutes brought 5 lead changes, and Kentucky was in the driver seat after hitting free throws to put them up 2 with 5.6 seconds left.

That’s when Christian Watford tossed up a 3 from the left wing, and the rest, as they say, is on Youtube….

Watch: Indiana Hits Buzzer Beater to Beat Kentucky — Youtube


Monday Fun Day




Have a Horn-y Monday

Follow The Ryno on Facebook and Twitter or email