Crap you should read Monday



Cain Out

Herman Cain has finally called it quits. Kind of. After a short reign atop the GOP Presidential race, Cain was unable to withstand the onslaught of accusations of sexual harassment and infidelity. Cain has been trying hard to make us believe that every single accusation is a false rumor created by political opponents and exacerbated by media conspiracy, but too many supporters were jumping ship to keep the campaign afloat.

Cain would like us to believe that the accusations led voters/donors to lose confidence, but a poll of Iowas voters cited Cain’s lack of a grasp on the issues as the reason they were turning elsewhere. Now Cain has suspended his campaign, which means he can still collect your money even though he’s not running. Doesn’t sound sketchy at all.

Cain’s time in the GOP limelight proved that Republicans are so truly desperate for leadership that they will take anyone. It also proves that so many GOP voters are mere sheep who automatically trust who their Media blowhards tell them is the leader. Voters had no idea who Herman Cain was, but just jumped on his bandwagon quicker than Bill Clinton unzips during a government shutdown. Once America heard who Cain really was, and how unqualified he was to lead the country, they jumped shimp.

So long Herman Cain, you really took it the whole 9-9-9 yards.


Driving gets you laid

Saudi Arabia — The Saudis have been debating for some time whether or not they should allow women the right to drive cars. Seriously. The Majlis al-Ifta’ al-A’ala, the Kingdom’s high religious council, decided to weigh in on the matter and sent their “findings” to the legislative council. The Majils decided that women should never be allowed behind the wheel, but not for the rational reason that all women are horrible drivers. Turns out the Majils fell that if women could drive, there would be “no more virgins” within 10 years. Seriously.

If Saudi women are all such whores, why isn’t Riyadh a hot spring break destination? And how desirable are Saudi men that women can’t control themselves and will be driving all over town to bang?

It’s scary is that there’s a strong section of Islamic society that truly believes this Crap.

Read: No more virginity if women allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia —


Can I see your Ark, please?

Ethiopia — If the Ark of the Covenant isn’t locked in a wooden crate in the bowels of Washington DC as Team Spielberg/Lucas would have us believe, then where is it? Bible lore says the Ark holds the Ten Commandments and was allegedly was “lost” after Babylon sacked Jerusalem and the Old Temple. Other legends say that the Ark in the Temple was a forgery and the real one was sent under protection to Ethopia. Today, the Ethiopian Church of Our Lady Mary of Zion claims to house the Ark in the Chapel of the Tablet. but no one has been able to confirm.

Given that legend declares only one man is allowed to “see” the Ark (otherwise your face melts and Nazis die), the High Priest of the Temple is “unable” to let anyone in to confirm the account and verify the Ark’s existence. Quite a convenient rule if you claim to hold the most sought after relic in history, if I must say.

But now the roof to the Chapel is leaking, so the Ark will soon have to be moved to a new Chapel built on the property. Assuming the Ark was built according to God’s exact specifications, its pretty darn big and will likely take more than one old priest to move. Will others finally get to see what”s been hidden for years?

Read: Will Ark of Covenent be Reavelead because of Leaky Roof? —

Why does the Chapel look like Talit storage room at the JCC?


WTF? Albuquerque?

New Mexico — A 13 year old was arrested for “burping audibly” in gym class. The boy was thrown into juvy jail and suspended for the school year without due process. Last week his family brought suit against the School and School Board for the ridiculous decision.

According to the suit, earlier in the school year the boy was found with $200 which he says was given to him by parents for the mall. The school said it was weed money. The boy asked to call his mom, but the administrators refused and made him strip down naked to check for contraband. I’m sorry, WTF?

I’m sure there are other facts about this kid that led teachers to think he was a delinquent, but really? Why are schools so quick to make decisions (suspensions, expulsions) that will impact/ruin a kid’s life rather than finding solutions to the problems at hand?

And burping? Come on. There has to be another reason for arresting a kid, right? Here’s my thought. Juvenile halls and prisons operate just like any other business — they need to keep profits up, which in this case means ensuring that all beds are filled. This is why the Prison Lobby constantly pushes for strict laws that require imprisonment. Juvenile halls are the same, and owners often bribe, lobby and blackmail their way to make sure their beds/cells are filled with kids. Can you think of another reason why over 200 kids have been arrested in Albuquerque in the last 3 years for non-violent crimes? Farting maybe?

Read: Student arrested for burping in class —

"So I get conjugal visits, right?"Â



Intraweb — I told you last week about the “shitty tattoo” a young woman recieved from her ex bf after he found out she was cheating with his best friend. Although the story “leaked” when the woman filed a lawsuit, no suit could be found, so it’s likely one big steaming piled of hoax.

Also last week, I retweeted/reposted a link to a fun blog called Texts from Bennett, which purports to contain screengrabs of actual text messages from David Sheldon and his idiotic 17 year old cousin. Although the site promises the texts are 100% real, the hysterical conversations are fabricated. According to Sheldon’s father, there is no such person as Bennett. Sheldon has defended his site, but the guy has nothing to be embarrassed about as he’s also the Nerdy White Rapper who shot to viral fame this week with his remix of “Look at me now” called I’m Making Pancakes.

But these hoaxes demonstrate a huge flaw in our insta-blogging lifestyle. Verification of facts goes by the wayside in the race to get stories out as quickly as possible. Immediate information becomes fact as few places take the time to follow up on the couple-day old stories that are already stale.  I’ll always do my best to make sure the Horn follows up stories as best as possible, but if you Hornballs see something that doesn’t pass the factual sniff test, don’t be shy….


Another BS News Story

Anywhere, USA — Ever notice how all news these days looks exactly the same? It’s because all networks follow the same outline into duping you to think there’s actually news going on. Check out the hysterical clip below that sounds exactly like every other BS news story you hear.

Watch: Bullshit Story — Onion News Network


Upton Love

In lieu of my normal Monday pics, I am giving you about 50 lovely images of the bodaciously busty supermodel Kate Upton sent to my by Horn-y contributor Jermito. You can thank him later…

Read:  Hottest Kate Upton pics of all time —



 Horn-y Times

This next video is a find from Travis, one of the original Hornballs. Trav thinks you Horn-y bastards would love a chick in a bathing suit shaking her ass doing Wii fit, and to be honest, I think he’s onto something. Here’s Emma Frain, and her “workout”.

(by the way, if  seeing Emma do this kind of thing while topless, you probably want to click here…very NSFW)



Have a Horn-y MondayÂ

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