Jermito’s Strange World

 

Welcome to my World of the Odd, Strange, Bizarre and Disturbing.

After much begging and pleading (and other unmentionable acts) The Ryno finally convinced me to tackle my own weekly segment for The Horn. I have a particular penchant for the Bizarre and the “Out There”, so hopefully these random stories will be as shocking to you as they are to me.

These are strange times we live in. We might as well laugh at it.

-Jermito

 

Faux Doc Got Back

Miami, FL — I believe it was my Great-Grandfather that warned me: never let a Tranny Doctor stick anything in your ass.

Oneal Ron Morris is not a doctor. Secondly she is not a female. Thirdly, her ass is a serious aftermarket modification. Oneal might have been born a male, but now he looks more like a female bus-stop bench.

The Pretend Dr Morris promised patients a more curvaceous figure and fuller lips with his “special home remedies”. What he never shared was that this remedy injected into their bodies was a highly-toxic combination of cement, super glue, mineral oil and “fix a flat”. One patient received the J-Lo special, but after repeated ER visits for severe pain, sores, and flu like symptoms, she finally told the doctors who sculpted her literally rock-hard body. Now the world knows her tricks, and Oneal is the hot new fish with the cement cellulite in Miami Lock-up.

Broken News…..Another transgendered woman, Rajee Narenisingh, came forward alleging she was a victim of Morris’ “Special Sauce”. This time Morris MD injected the special sauce as botox in his/her face. Its a real shame because I seem to recall his/her E-Harmony profile, and he/she used to be very cute.

Note to self: “Outpatient” does not mean “hotel room”.

Read First Story : Fake Doctor Gives Bad Butt Injections – WPTV Channel 5

Read Second Story: Fake Doctor Injects Cement Into Transgendered Person’s Face – Radar Online.com

Venus, Serena....Oneal?

"Hey Doc, can you make me look like Queen Latifa with a fatal allergic reaction?"

Where’s The Beef?? 

Albany — This is not a cute commercial with an old lady wondering where her Beef is. Nor is it the recurring bad dream most guys have when we’re in bed with some really hot girl. No, this is yet another story of an unhappy Taco Bell customer who found his delicious XL Chalupas had less meat than he hoped for.

Having felt the same disappointment most girls likely experience when taking his Chalupa out of the wrapper, this guy did what any ( I mean none) of us would do. He called, complained, and “asked for his order to be corrected”. After being informed that the store was now closed and there was nothing they could do for him he replied, “You must be one of them niggers up there.” He added, “That’s alright, I’ll just come redecorate the place.”

True to his word, the guy ran back to the Border with a Molotov cocktail and lit the T-Bell ablaze next to the big sign: “Come Try The New XL Chalupa. Bigger Is Better.” I wonder if that Molotov cocktail was filled with Fire Sauce. The things I ponder….

Full Story: Chalupa customer firebombs Taco Bell — TheSmokingGun.com

Is fake beef flammable?

 

Arrest `My Box’… 

Wellington, FL — Having helped my fair share of single moms (and strippers exotic dancers) pay for college, I’m aware how challenging and nerve-wracking parenthood can be. More kids means less sanity…but that doesn’t mean you should get high on Xannies while taking care of your children.

Apparently, Sheila Lederer is on a strict Xanax-diet to help her deal with her brood of brats. PBC Sheriff’s Officer had probable cause to conduct a Welfare check on Super-Mom, but the real fun started before they even got there. Sheila previously called 911 to report someone hiding in “her bushes”.  We’re all hoping she was referring to the ones outside, but we will never know…because when the Officers arrived our fearless and deranged Mother of the Year ordered them to “Arrest her Mailbox”. Again, still hoping she’s referring to the one outside.

Her 2 kids are now safely under the care of the Children and Family Services. I wonder if Sheila thought she was getting a Stripper Cop not a real one, that would explain her whole coy bush/box game…

Full Story: Wellington Mom arrested — Sun-Sentinel.com

Publishers Clearing House got reallllly sexy

 

Sex Toy Beatdown

Bonita Springs — Shhh…Don’t wake the sleeping giant…Or Else. Jeffrey Bowers’ girlfriend found this out the hard way.

After having come over to his house to make dinner, and obviously not getting any lovin from the Ogre for her efforts, she decided to take matters into her own hands (which of course I usually applaud) while he slept.

Unfortunately, she must have used one of those ultra high-powered, super-loud, vibrating, rotating pleasure contraptions…because the vibrating was so loud it woke up the Not-So-Jolly Green Giant. Bowers was clearly perturbed by the interruption-by-vibrator, so he did what he had to: dragged her through the house, kicked her in the face and tossed her out of the house. I need to check my sources, but I don’t think she came.

Full Story:  Bonita Springs man accused of beating girlfriend — NaplesNews.com

Who needs lube when you're this slick?

 

Hit Strip and Run

Chicago — If you’re ever involved in a car accident here is what NOT to do: leave your car, take off your clothes and go for a run into oncoming traffic. I promise, it won’t end well.

It surely didn’t for Daniel Thompson. While speeding on the Tri-State Tollway, Thompson’s pickup truck rear-ended another vehicle. After his truck stopped he got out, took off all of his clothes, and took a nice naked stroll down the parkway. I’m not sure if he hit his head and thought he was at a nude beach, but either way he became a naked hood ornament for an oncoming van. Thompson died on site. His clothes survived.

Full Story: Chicago man died after struck by van — ChicagoTribune.com

"Dude, the quad is the other way..."Â

 

A Fun Drunk

Sarasota — Nobody likes the sloppy drunk girl at the end of the bar…unless, of course, that sloppy drunk is Traci Batcher. Traci, 34, got her drink on, disappeared into the men’s bathroom, stripped down, and returned to the main bar stark naked.

The manager ruined the show for everyone else tried to get her to put her clothes back on, but when she refused, the cops were called. Traci locked herself back in the men’s bathroom, but once the cops arrived, the manager unlocked the door. That’s when an incoherent and topless Traci came out murmuring “You don’t understand, I have been married since I was 13 years old and have been married for 16 years.”

Traci was arrested and charged with indecent exposure and disorderly conduct. I’m still trying to figure out what was so disorderly, all she did was suck at math.

Full Story: Naked Woman charged with disorderly conduct– WTSP.com

She isn't Asian? You don't say...

 

Freaky Fun

She is never fully naked

Spaghetti is NOT her friend

There is zero chance she owns a wool sweater

A ring that never comes off? I can't imagine the husband did this too...

Katy/Steve Perry

You gotta really like that equation...Â

Wolverine's kid brother is a punk

Reason #4 not to get drunk and pass out in Arts & CraftsÂ

"A mirror? No. Why?"

One Comment

  1. Too Freaky this Friday. THAT’S Rated R stuff