Crap you should read this Weekend


Somebody’s Bombing Iran

Isfahan, Iran — At least someone is doing something about Iran’s dangerous lust for nuclear weapons. A mysterious explosion rocked (and leveled) a uranium enrichment facility on Monday. At first, Iran’s government explained the explosion was part of a military exercise, but later denied anything took place. Satellite/drone pics show otherwise; the place was leveled. Why the lies? Lying is easier than admitting your security was compromised and your super-secret non-existent project was sabotaged.

Whispers from the intelligence community say an elite bomb squad sneaked in and reportedly “destroyed Isfahan’s large conversion center as well as stored uranium”. Who was responsible? Obviously many assume this was the handy work of an Israel with a great deal of chutzpah, so what does Dan Meridor, Israeli Intelligence Affairs Minister, have to say?

“There are countries who impose economic sanctions and there are countries who act in other ways in dealing with the Iranian nuclear threat.”

I’m not sure, but I think that’s a tell. This is the 2nd bombing of an Iranian weapons facility in the last month, so with Iran loudly threatening violent revenge against any country named Israel or America that impedes its nuclear program, will their bite match their bark?

Read: Bombing Squad penetrated security at Iran’s Isfahan —

"What explosion?"Â


Afghanistan Hates Women

Afghanistan — “Gulnaz” was raped by her cousin’s husband two years ago. He was arrested and sentenced to 12 years in prison (cut to 7). Gulnaz was also arrested for committing adultery and dishonoring her husband; she was also sentenced to 12 years. You read that correctly: the rapist and the victim received the same sentence.

Gulnaz got pregnant from the rape, and she’s raised the baby daughter in jail. The government finally got involved after public outcry, but Afghans don’t look too kindly upon a single mom who dishonored her husband. Ever the good sport, Gulnaz let it be known that she’d marry her rapist cousin to legitimize her child, and allow her to integrate back into the ultra fucked-up conservative Afghan society. This concession was part of what swayed the powers-that-be to cut Gulnaz’ sentence to 3 years, though they claim she won’t serve the entire thing.

Regardless of the shortened sentence, Gulnaz will still have to serve additional time for failure to report the rape on time. So if you’re a rape VICTIM and tell someone, you committed a crime of dishonor and will be ostracized. If you don’t tell someone, then you’re a criminal and will be ostracized.

Not for nothing, but Afghanistan sucks.

Read: Afghanistan rape victim released from jail because she’ll marry rapist — CNN

Afghan Playboy is boooooring


L.A. Loves Weed

Los Angeles — Its been an interesting week for Marijuana. First, two state Governors (Rhode Island and Washington) called on the DEA to  reclassify Marijuana as a Schedule II drug, which would allow its use for medical purposes. Right now it’s a schedule I narcotic, and nationally accounts for more than half of drug incarcerations.

RI and Washington are 2 of the 16 states that have already decriminalized weed, but recent crackdowns and pressure from the Fed have made the high-life miserable. 16 states (plus DC) means that 1/3 of the country is cool with decriminization. Will the DEA continue the crackdown, or allow the states the freedom to do as they please?

California, the mecca of Pot Pharmacies, is fully stocked with herb stores (some reports say there are more Pot Stores in Los Angeles than Starbucks) even though the State itself is cracking down by charging ridiculous taxes on the weed income.  The taxes are more than 10x the tax on income from other businesses, so many of the pharmacies have closed or gone underground. Surprisingly, 372 stores still registered in the LA area. Three-hundred and seventy-two shops are willing to pay the exhuberant taxes. Are you kidding me? Business must be pretty damn good.

Weed is the number one cash crop in the US (and Canada), so when will the Federal government wise up and legalize it so they can make some cash and stop putting people in jail for something at least 1/3 of the country partakes in?

Read: Governors want Feds to reclassify Marijuana

Read: 327 pot shops register for tax purposes —

They can't keep an NFL team in LA, but pot pharmacies...?Â


Enos’s Shocking Story

Outer Space — 50 years ago, Enos was the first American to orbit the Earth. You just never heard his name before because Enos is a chimpanzee. NASA shot Enos into orbit to see if human bodies and minds could survive in outer space, and the resulting story is quite shocking.

One of NASA’s tests for mental and physical acuity had Enos strapped to a chair where he’d complete objectives by pulling levers that corresponded with the correct answers. Incorrect choices resulted in an electric shock. Enos’s first round of tests went “well” (only shocked 10 times on 18 objectives), but Round 2 got a little effed up when the center lever and the objective switch broke. The malfunctions caused a flurry of incorrect answers…35 electric shocks, 33 of them coming in a row. Round 3 with the broken switch/lever brought 41 electric shocks to the poor chimp. Amazingly, Enos’ performance on other tests were unaffected by the shock torture.

Coming home didn’t make things any easier as Enos’ capsule landed in the wrong zone. It was “lost” for 3 hours and 20 minutes, and by the time NASA arrived,

“The subject had broken through the protective belly panel and had removed or damaged most of the physiological sensors…He had also forcibly removed the urinary catheter while the balloon was still inflated.”

Needless to say, Enos didn’t book another trip to Space. The poor chimp died a year later of dysentery, and a year after that John Glenn took all the glory as the first American to orbit the Earth.

Read: The Horrible thing that happened to Enos the chimp when he orbited Earth 50 years ago —

"So what's my 'safe word'?"


You’re Smokin’ Hot

Mobile, Alabama — Kim Grice, 29, underwent surgery to remove 3 cysts from her head. During the procedure, her face spontaneously erupted in flames. Kim suffered horrible burns, but is stable.

Doctors have yet to explain why this happened (could it have been related to the oxygen?), but many naturally assume negligence. Faces don’t just spontaneously combust, do they?

Read: Woman survives facial fire during surgery — Crestview Bulletin

"Quick! Somebody spray her face....with water, you idiot!"


Time Lapse Trip

Need to trip out for a minute? Check out the best time-lapse footage of 2011 and take a break from the Crap this weekend.

Watch: This year’s best time-lapse mash-up —

Go to for more videos.



Friday Fun Day

I hate you

Um...thank you?

Nice Gas

Oh, humor...

Sure, this looks Green

I want to be a wave

Pedobear loves TaylorÂ

Does she play QB? Â

Can they drive anything?

"Fine! I changed it. Status: In a Relationship..."

Somebody please figure out who this is and tell me...


Have a Horn-y WeekendÂ

Follow The Ryno on Facebook and Twitter or email


  1. I love the Iran story and find myself wondering, did the rest of the world look at the US as a loose cannon when we had Bush as president? Perception is a very subjective thing, and I know how we all see that country due to its leader. What did others REALLY think of us then??

    The Afghan story blows my mind. It scares me to go visit the Middle East due to stories like this. Granted I have a deep respect for their culture and religious beliefs (I’m a comparative religion buff) yet as open minded as I try to be some things are just nuts. I can’t even say it’s a minority pulling this crap, it’s a gov’t sentencing!!

    While I believe that the legalization of MJ is a prudent economic choice my fear is always that the gov’t will tax it so heavily that the price will not be competitive with street weed. I think legalization and taxation is the way to go, but there are deeper implications as well. Regulation of the thc levels being one of them. We have a serious enough problem with DUI’s, do we need another “legal” drug? I bring it up because I’ve been in Venice and I know how easy it is to get a medical card. $65 and a bullshit consult where you claim to be restless, unable to sleep, or unable to eat will get your name on the list of legal users. Obama has claimed that he won’t spend Fed money to further prosecute state legitimized sellers, but what happens when the next prez comes in to power?!?

    Lastly, the story of Enos saddens me to no end. While I’m grateful for the advancements we’ve made as a country, and planet, the fact that it’s come at such a high cost sucks ass. It makes me think about these companies that say they don’t use animal testing for their products. That’s bullshit. All products nowadays have been deemed “safe” due to animal testing. Just because a new company doesn’t test on animals doesn’t mean that their knowledge/techniques doesn’t come from data sourced from prior testing. While I understand that sometimes you’ve got to do, what you’ve got to do; couldn’t the “lost” period have been prevented? I wonder if anyone was fired, demoted, or even chastised for the mistakes that occurred during the prep for Enos’ training and actual flight!!

    • WhoLeeOh — in regards to your Iran comment, I dont see any similarity between the US under Bush and Iran under Ahmadinejad. Perception of the US might not have been pristine, especially after our unilateral attack on Saddaam, but Bush and our government didn’t take every opportunity to tell the world that we were going to wipe Iraq or Afghanistan off the face of the Earth. The US didn’t establish as policy that Iraqi or Afghan people would be slaughtered and bombed, only their dangerous governments. The US doesn’t blatantly support terrorism that would wipe out all those countries as well.

      Bush might have been a putz, but his wars were to “save Iraq”, save Americans from another 9/11, and of course, to put money in everyone’s pockets that would be “chosen” to rebuild the countries post-war.

      Iran is clearly trying to get the weapon to end all weapons, and has routinely lied to the world. They are loud about their intent to destroy Israel, the US, and every non-believer.

      The rest of the world’s perception of the US is based off 4 diff factors a) jealousy at our freedoms b) hatred of our secularism c) hatred of capitalism d) our mingling in their affairs.

      None of that would change with Bush, Obama, Reagan, Mitt,, Newt, or Julio

    • But in regards to your MJ comment, “decriminalizing” weed would not make DUIs go up. People already drive on weed, and it aint legal; they’re not going to suddenly start driving on weed if they havent before. Decriminalization would still punish those stupid enough to get behind the wheel wasted.

      the other issues you bring up are legitimate, but if it is decriminalized, or even legalized, it can still be regulated. Doctors shouldn’t be giving our scripts willy-nilly, so that needs to be better regulated as well. Bottom line, I dont care how they regulate it, so long as they keep our jails/prisons/courts from having to deal with the petty non-sense. Plus, your country’s #1 cash crop should not be illegal. Its moronic, especially when you think how much $ the gov can earn from it.

    • Finally, in regards to Enos, its so sad how we treat ALL animals like 2nd class citizens. Of course everyone uses the “would you rather we test it on humans?” argument, and my answer is always YES! I never understood how animals are treated as lesser creatures of God, but I’ve always found it frustrating that if it doesn’t speak English, it suddenly can’t feel pain. Disgusting bullshit.

      This is the reason I never ate Veal. Also the reason I stopped growing hair. Well the 2nd one isn’t true, but ya know.

      As for getting lost, or malfunctions, it was 1961, anything could go wrong. Amazing we cold even launch anything into space on that antiquated equipment.

  2. You’re applying things that matter to us, to “them”. Who’s to say they didn’t view Bush as a terrorist? A,Jad clearly doesn’t speak for all his people and the clerics have a strong influence in that country but we have to be careful about filtering our own perceptions on to others.

    They are so different from us, it’s mind-blowing. Again, we have a view of Bush as a putz. What did THEY see him as? And conversely, what did that say about us as a country?

    My cousins in Argentina have a skewed view of the US based on their news. We have a skewed view of other countries based off of our news. We see A,Jad as an asshole. Any logical person agrees. Factor in clerics (when talking about the embassy attack) and that changes things. We have nothing like it here in the US. We don’t have ministers rallying people to attack anything. Synagogues causing a raucous, or mosques creating nationwide dissent. Yet we, as a nation look a A,Jad and think: what a crazy, insane, crazy mofo. Do other countries think the same of us sometimes? -Bush invading Iraq? WTF?? What a crazy mofo…

    About the weed, how could their not be an increase? Some folks don’tsmoke because it’s illegal. Those same people will smoke when it gets legalized and are then exposed to a DUI. I think it should be legalized for economic reasons but I dislike the idea of people just saying “make it happen” without taking in to consideration all that it takes to do so. It’s not a magic wand, folks. A lot of planning needs to happen to make it happen right. In the end though, we have to start somewhere.

    Now, about the rape victim. Which is madness. Karzai pushed a pardon through :

    She doesn’t have to marry to be released and it’s set MASSIVE precedent for the civil rights in that country.

    But, in regards to animals. 1961 being a stone age in comparison to today’s standards isn’t a excuse to not hang people for shit. Expectation and consequence still meant the same. I know I’m applying my mental filter to 50 years ago (1961 doesn’t sound that long ago, but 50 years is a LONG time) but damn. On the positive side, we really have come a long way as a country. Hopefully we can continue this trend; doesn’t it blow your mind, in 2061 what will people in their 30’s think of people who were 30 in 2011?