Crap you should read Thursday



Syracuse — The tale twisting out of Syracuse this last couple weeks just keeps getting more perverse. First came the multiple horrid accusations of sexual abuse against Assistant Basketball Coach Bernie Fine. Then ESPN released a tape they had since 2002 of a conversation between Fine’s wife Laurie and Fine’s victim Bobby Davis. On the tape, Laurie admitted she was well aware of her husbands terrifying crimes, yet did nothing. Even more troubling, Laurie also had sex with Davis, but at least waited until he was of age.

Now the torrid tale gets a little juicier as Deadspin alleges that Laurie Fine banged a lot of the Orangemen. Apparently it well known that sticking it to the Assistant Coach’s wife was a rite of passage for the basketball team. I can only imagine this was some mechanism for coping with the fact her husband was more attracted to little boys and not her.

If the recent Penn State nastiness proved anything, its that widespread knowledge of this, and possibly the molestation accusations, spell nearly certain doom for Syracuse Head Coach Jim Boeheim. And for the pride of any player that has to admit he banged Laurie Fine.

Read: Which Syracuse Players had sex with Laurie Fine —

Sure for Laurie the boys were of age, but I'd certainly still refer to them as victims!Â


County Paid Heat to Not Play

Miami-Wade County — It’s no secret that stadium leases usually screw the city/county. Now its being reported that Miami-Dade County, already embarrassed after the Marlins bent them over the leasing table, has to pay the Miami Heat even though they aren’t playing basketball. According to the Heat’s agreement with Miami-Dade, the county is obligated to pay $6.4 million a year in operating subsidies. That means before they play their first game 2 months later than scheduled, the Heat will have already collected about $1 million in taxpayer money.

They Heat are getting subsidized $1million for operating costs for 2 months of non-operation. There was nothing to operate, the arena wasn’t even open! These crappy deals are the result of crappy county lawyers, or just too many shady city officials on the take.

Not only did the county agree to build a new arena just ten years after the Heat got their old new arena, and agree to pay the operating costs, but the only rent the Heat agreed to pay is part of a profit-sharing deal that has generated no actual rent because the Heat have managed to avoid reporting much in the way of profits.

Now that the story has broke, I’m curious what Mickey Arison, one of the wealthiest of the NBA owners will do. I mean, I feel bad that NBA owners get such a raw deal and are forced into poverty by the millions earned over the season, but should the Heat give the money back to the County or just walk away and cry “tough titties!”?

Read: Miami Dade paying Heat $1 Million to NOT play during lockout —

"Hey Micky, does Spearmint Rhino fall under operating expenses?"Â


Pimping Paralegals

Miami — Some Miami lawyers are taking Attorney-Client Privilege to the next level. Drug Lords in Miami’s Federal Prison are people too, and they just want to have a good time. To ensure their incarcerated comfort, their attorneys hire South American escorts and refer to them as “Legal Assistants”. With no prison regulations limiting who can be a legal assistant, the hot chicks are allowed through the doors and counsel time turns into conjugal time.

Many in the system say this is an ongoing problem, but I’m just thinking of being the Headhunter in charge of placing those paralegals. “Ok, sweetheart, tell me about your Dictation experience…”

Read: Miami Federal Prison Overrun with Strippers Posing as Paralegals — Miami New Times

"How about we discuss your briefs..."Â


More Scientology Shadiness Exposed 

Scientology is shady as hell. If you only know Scientology as aliens who paved the way for Tom Cruise and John Travolta, then you really have a lot to read.

I’ll try to abridge, its a cult. They take you from your family and immerse you in a new world for your betterment. The only way to truly advance through the rankings of the Church is to pay significant amounts of money. Anyone who tries to talk you out of it is labeled a Suppressive Person (SP) and then barred from contact. Many people, including some of their valued celebrities  have come forward with stories about the con that is Scientology.

Like many religions, they run summer camps for children, but those have come under serious scrutiny after former campers exposed them as child labor camps. Last week, Valeksa Paris came forward with stories of being held captive on the Scientology cruise ship, Freewinds. Paris describes how followers are sold a bill of goods about traveling the world and finding themselves, and instead become servants on the ship. They’re rarely allowed to leave the ship, and if they do, its always with an escort. Paris’ original tour was only supposed to be two weeks, but Paris claims she was forbidden to leave for 12 years.

The church vehemently denies all accusations and says that anyone is free to leave Freewinds at any time, but read the Villiage Voice Interview with Valeksa Paris to get the shady details and make up your own mind.

Just don’t forget, Scientology isn’t a religion, it was created out of the blue by science fiction author, L Ron Hubbard. It was later taken over by an ambitious man, David Miscavige, who turned it into the money-milking, slave-running organization it is today. But at least they have celebrities!

Watch the videos below for some insight into this strange scheme.

Read: Interview with Valeksa Paris, Woman held on Scientology Cruise Ship for 12 years — Villiage Voice

Read: Director Paul Haggis speaks out about Scientology — ABC News

Read: CSI Actor Jason Beghe on con that is Scientology


Well Said, Sir

Iowa — Gay marriage will destroy normal marriage. Gay adoption ruins kids lives. Gay anything will lead to the end of the world as we know it. These are the kinds of idiotic things you hear from close-minded dolts all over the country.

Back in February, 19 year old Zack Wahls addressed the Iowa Legislature during debates on an Amendment to the Iowa Constitution that would ban same-sex marriages. Wahls gives an impassioned defense of same-sex unions, discussing how he was raised by lesbian parents, and he turned out pretty damn all right.

Too often, personal prejudices cloud such conversations, but its simply undeniable that any child is lucky to have two parents to love and protect them. Watch the video below to see what a real hero looks like when he addresses Congress (yeah Mark Mcgwire, I’m talking to you…). I’m not sure why this video is making the viral rounds this week, but I am sure that we’re the better for it.

Watch: Zack Wahls Speaks About Family — Youtube


Honestly, Abe….

These days, a penny isn’t worth…well, a penny. Take a look at the informative video below to see why, besides the fact that they taste horrible, many feel the US should abolish Lincoln’s copper cent-piece.

Watch: Death to the Penny — Youtube


Hating Tom Brady

You’re not alone, kid. I feel your pain.


Were gonna need a bigger boat

North Carolina — Not sure if this is cool, or just plain scary, but when a 18 foot Great White Shark circles my boat for 20, I’m not sure I’m going straight for my camera. At that point I’m thinking this shark knows something I don’t, and I start looking for my arm-floaties. But then again, I’m a big vagina.


Thursday Dedication

Goes out to the gorgeous Shay Maria. I have to thank WWTDD for introducing me to this adorable little California bombshell a while back, and since then it’s been hard to keep her from texting and calling me (everyone in my iPhone is listed as “Shay Maria”, so I feel like she and I are close). Not only does Shay look exotic and boast a tremendous breast-to-rest ratio, this little hipster seems pretty damn cool if you stalk  follow her on Twitter.

If you need a little more Shay (don’t we all?), be sure to check her out on Twitter, Tumblr, as well as her new Calendar for The Chive.

You’re welcome.




Have a Horn-y Weekend

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  1. I wish that DDR has sound.

    • “Thud…Crrrrrrrrrrack…..Oh F*ck!”