Crap you should read this Weekend

 

Occupy the Masses

The Occupy Protests in Oakland got a little nuts over the last few days. Sure there are the peaceful protestors, but too many of those Oakland’s Occupiers are taking matters into their own hands. Some stepped up the chaos and occupied the Port of Oakland, caused the shutdown of the Port and other businesses. Of course, as Oakland tends to do, things got violent; protesters tossed molotov coctails and harassed cops; cops gassed the protesters and kicked ass. Oh, Oakland.

Besides the violence and idiocy that have no place in these protests, the main problem I foresee is that stuff like the occupation of the Port was spontaneous and unplanned. Too many people have their own ideas how to “occupy”, and those ideas are often at odds. This is the best argument yet for some type of central leadership; without it, the individual movements are going to cancel each other out.

Take for example what happened in the Port. Occupiers wanted to harm big business by stopping all the shipping activities in the nation’s 5th busiest port. Unfortunately that meant hundreds of Port employees, and those that depend on shipping, etc, couldn’t earn their wages that day. So in the process of trying to screw the Man, they screwed the Masses. No matter which side takes action, the hard working people of this country continued to get screwed.

A massive popular movement won’t stay popular for long if it hurts the majority. They have to get their crap together before they start really pissing off the very people they’re fighting for. But how do you strike against a business without hurting the workers? Ruh-roh.

Some people call it a "peace" sign, but Riot Police call it the "double middle finger"

 

Israel’s Attack Iran Plans Leaked

It should come as no real shock, but its been leaked that Israel was gearing up for an attack on Iran’s nuclear facilities. The “rumor” caused quite the uproar around Israel as well as in Iran who now vows they  are “ready for war” and retaliation in case of a “Zionist” attack.

Allegedly Israel’s Prime Minister Netenyahu and Defense Minister Ehud Barak are pissed because they believe the leak came from the heads of their Intelligence agencies Meir Dagan (Mossad) and Yuval Diskin (Shin Bet). Apparently both agency heads feel that Netenyahu and Barak are pushing too hard to attack the heavily defensed nuclear sites; Dagan has previously called such a plan “the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.”

Some say that Netenyahu has his own agenda/vendettas in pursuing attacks against Iran and President Ahmedinejad. Others insist that Israel should let the International Community pressure Iran rather than becoming the “aggressor” and pissing off the entire Arab world. A few even say that this story was leaked intentionally (as per Netenyahu’s psychological warfare plan) to make it appear Israel is in discord, but can “push the button” at any time.

I’m more inclined to believe that the leak was intentional. Israel might be known for in-fighting, but everyone collectively agrees that survival is more important than anything else. I don’t feel that heads of Intelligence agencies would jeopardize Israel’s safety in a game of wits with Netenyahu. Maybe I’m wrong; desert heat makes you crazy.

In either case, the civilized world is awaiting a UN Report due next week which will detail how Iran is bucking International pressure and continuing full speed ahead with militarization of their nuclear program. Such a public finding would certainly help Israel’s cause, but an Iran with nuclear weapons is the world’s problem, not just Israel’s.

Read: Israel PM peeved over Iran attack leak — Guardian

Read: UN Report due next week detailing Iran’s abuses and pursuit of militarizing nuclear program — Reuters.com

"You guys have heard Ahmadinejad say he wants to wipe us off the face of the Earth, right? I'm not just hearing things, am I? So WTF?"

 

What’s with all the Jew Hate? 

In a separate but related story: Anti Semetism is on the rise. Not just overseas, mind you, I’m talking here in America. A survey from the Anti-Defmantion League says that 15% of American Adults harbor Jew hate of some kind. If accurate, that would be 35 million people with biases, prejudices and hate for Jews. Wow.

Here are some other doozies for you:

14% of Americans believe that Jews have too much power.  (Who are the 1% who hate Jews, but don’t they have too much power?)

15% think Jews are more willing to use shady practices. (Do they mean financially, or does circumcision freak them out?)

16% say that Jewish “business people are so shrewd, others don’t have a chance”. (So they hate someone for being too smart?)

31% say the Jews killed Christ (Probably the same people who “forget” that J.C. was Jewish)

25% say the Jews talk too much about what happened to them in the Holocaust. (It’s either that, or quoting “Seinfeld”, your call)

42% of foreign born Hispanics hold anti-Jew views, 20% of Us born Hispanics; 29% of African Americans (Can we get out own Cable channel now?)

The numbers are staggering and just prove how stupid people are. Jews account for 1.7% of the US population, yet 15% of the population has pastrami beef with them.  I’d say we need better integration, but these hatred stats would be significantly higher if we let them start dating Jewish women. Looks like we just need to hide our horns, put away our “I killed Jesus” t-shirts and our satchels filled with gold coins, and just return to running all the finest banks, movie studios, and bagel shops in all the land.

Speaking of Jew-hate, I’d love to send a birthday shout-out to one of the biggest Horn-balls around, Mr. Goldy’s Nugget himself, Marc Goldberg. Live it up, and go remind people why they hate us.

Read: ADL Poll finds Anti-Semitic attitudes on the rise in America 

 

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life…

England — …Never make a pretty woman your wife, or from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you. Or just make your bitch ugly as sin so she won’t leave the house.  At least that was the plan of a British man who crushed up steroids with pestle and mortar and slipped them in his wife’s food. The way he figured, the steroids would distort her appearance, and the uglier she was, the more likely she’d stay home to cook, clean and take care of the kids.  His wife developed facial hair and facial abrasions/spots. Ugliness confirmed….Muhuhuhuhuhwahh!

Unfortunately, Super-Husband’s nefarious plan came undone when his daughter caught him crushing up the ‘roids in his bedroom. Needless to say, the cops weren’t too pleased. He was arrested (got a suspended sentence) and got his ass booted from the house. Personally I think the better ending to the story would have been for her to find the pills then kick his ass in some ‘roid-rage, so that’s what I’m going with…

Can you believe she ripped his limbs off, then mounted his head on the wall where it now greets visitors with “Take me to the River…”?

Read: English Man gives wife steroids to make her ugly — Fox News

"I would have got away with it too, if it wasn't for my pesky kids!"Â

 

Holy Crap, What?

Oregon — Jasha Lottin is one freaky chick. The 21 year old’s boyfriend put down a horse for “humane reasons”, but that’s where the nice things end and crap got a little kinky. She and her boy slashed the horse open, and out of a desire to be “one” with the animal, Jasha got naked and climbed inside the horse’s carcass.

Jasha said she was inspired by the scene in Empire Strokes Back when Luke slices open his Taun-Taun and climbs inside for warmth. Only she wasn’t freezing to death. She was in Oregon, so probably just bored to death.

I’m not sure how “being one” with the horsey explains the pictures of Jasha “bathing” in the blood and “pretending” to eat the horseflesh and organs. You just know the two of them banged in horse guts too…to feel “three” with the horse.

Read: Jasha Lottin, Naked Woman climbed inside dead horse because of Star Wars

First Star Wars, now Game of Thrones. Please don't anybody show her Twilight

 

 Saving the Rhino 

South Africa —  This story hits a little close to home. My cousin, the Black Rhino, is an endangered species. Last year it was reported that more than 330 Black Rhinos were poached and killed. That number has already been surpassed for 2011 in just 10 months. Poachers kill the beautiful animals for their horns, which go for about 35,000 pounds/kg, or worth more than gold.

Fortunately some conversationalists actually care about animals and are doing their best to save the Black Rhino. A team from the World Wildlife Fund removed around 19 rhinos from the South African hills to a private breeding preserve far away from poachers. Due to a lack of roads, the WWF team had to airlift the Rhinos by military helicopter for 15 miles (20 minutes) then drive them 1000 miles away to the secret preserve.

This week’s herd is the 7th herd moved to the preserve by the WWF, but the first time 4400 pound rhinos were tranquilized and saved by airlift. This is pretty much the same way they have to take me home from Taco Bell.

Read: South African Rhino herd saved from poaching death by air

"They're gonna have the Red Zone Channel there, right?"

"Man, did any of you idiots even think to grab my porn?"

 

J-Mac

The video below from 2006 is one of my favorite feel-good stories of the last decade; I’m not sure why its making the rounds on Facebook today, but I’m happy it is. Jason McElwain was diagnosed with autism at an early age, but that never stopped him from loving basketball with every ounce of his being. Although he couldn’t play on his highschool team, he was made team manager and became the unofficial mascot of the squad. In recognition for everything he did, Jason was allowed to suit up for the final game.

What happened will absolutely bring tears to your eyes and make your whole friggen day. I’ve watched this video so many times over the years, but just seeing it again, and hearing “I was just hot as a pistol” put a smile on my face that will last the weekend.

Trust me. J-Mac is the man. Enjoy.

 

Friday Fun

Tickle Me KatyÂ

The exact moment Miguel decided to quit playing hackey-sack and pursue other interests

Do the pregnancy math...

Like a Boss

Love is in the air...

They finally found the perfect hat for Sarah Jessica Parker

Blondes have a hard time with the expression " Go out there and break a leg"

#NeverGoingOutsideAgain

Couldn't wait the extra 5 seconds, bub?

"Great job ladies. You proved you can work the pole. Now lets try The Horn"Â

Have a Horn-y Weekend

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