Crap you should read Tuesday


Republican Amnesia/Dementia

Oh Republicans, you are so predictably disgusting and ridiculous. In yesterday’s Crap, I wrote about how drastically different the removal of dictators was in Iraq and Libya. In a Tale of Two Wars, I said:

Obama has taken down Bin Laden and had a hand in taking down Qaddafi, and ended the way in Iraq, yet somehow we”re going to hear about how he’s failed us in foreign policy and destroyed our credibility around the world. Those Republicans are brilliant at making up their own news/stats because they just assume you aren’t paying attention anyway.

Thankfully Republicans wanted to make me sound credible, so they took to the airwaves to beat home their message that Obama failed the US by deciding to pull out of Iraq. They even claim it hurts our reputation because we’re bowing to the demands of Iraq (and in essence by Iran, who they claim run Iraq now). Of course they forget that President Bush signed an agreement with Iraq to withdraw all of our troops no later than December 31, 2011, but why would they need that little detail when lying to world to paint Obama with the negative brush? So the war was started by Bush, exacerbated by Bush, and then the end was planned by Bush…yet somehow now they’re putting their war on Obama, and blaming him for the foreign policy repercussions. Why does anyone listen to these liars?

Some, like idiot Michele Bachmann are even going so far as to say it was irresponsible for us to help remove Qaddafi from power because we removed “the devil we know” from power and are unsure who will fill the vacuum. Where the hell has she been for the last 10 years? How can she say in one breath that we should still be in Iraq (where we CAUSED the power vacuum by removing “the devil we knew”) but shouldn’t have helped Libya? Apparently not enough money was spent, and too few American lives were lost to make it a worthwhile engagement. After all, why go if you can’t stay their forever?

Thankfully Jon Stewart and his team put together the clips to show you how horrible these people are….

Watch: End O’Potamia — The Daily Show


Qaddafi Sodomized? 

Libya — A picture speaks a thousand words, but a video of Muammar Qaddafi getting sodomized by his captors speaks volumes.

The cell-video taken during his capture shows the disgraced despot grimacing and bleeding while rebel fighters drag him out of his drainpipe hiding spot. At one point it appears that a Rebel fighter shoves something up Qaddafi’s butt. Many think its a knife or a stick, but its clearly being shoved up his ass. At one point the video shuts off, and returns with Qaddafi dead and a bullet hole in his head.

Now the whole incident is under “investigation” by the NTC, and they are looking into the Human Rights Violations committed against Qaddafi who was unarmed and in custody. WTF? Are they really going to punish people for doing anything to this man? He waived protection of any laws (both expressed or unwritten) years ago by committing heinous acts against Libyans and the world. He reigned over the slaughter of thousands, and vowed to wipe out any rebels standing in his way. He deserved a fate far worse than he got.

Granted, it would be nice to think that the rebels would want to set a positive example for the future of Libya, but there is just no good way to depose a despot. Some people wanted him tried in court for his crimes, but this man destroyed Libya for years while amassing over $200 billion. At the point of his capture, he was no longer a Head of State, but a thief/killer on the run. The Rebel who put a bullet in Qaddafi’s head might have stolen a collective moment for the Libyan people to execute him together, but to sit and judge him (and the sodomizer) for doing what any of us would do to our captor/torturer of 40 years is absurd. Ok, maybe I wouldn’t have sodomized him, but I’m glad someone did.

By the way, today Muammar and his son were buried in a secret desert location. Good riddance.

Read: Gaddafi sodomized on video during capture —

"Ok, now go ahead and cough...."


Anthrax Candy

Washington, DC — The Obama Administration is currently at a crossroads. The National Biodefense Science Board (NBSB) says that to be best prepared in case of attack, the government should start testing the Anthrax vaccination on children, but does the White House really want to condone the intentional subjection of children to this poison?

The vaccine has already been extensively tested in adults and over 2.6 million military members have been vaccinated for anthrax. The vaccine allegedly comes from a strain of anthrax that won’t cause the disease, but no one has the guts to test it on kids yet. Anthrax isn’t the type of thing that people just catch, its a targeted attack; so where is the benefit to the actual child receiving the test vaccination? Is it worth the risk to this kid to try this out even though he won’t, in all likelihood, ever be subjected to the danger?

If they really want public support for the testing, they should turn it into a reality TV show called Immunity. Isn’t this why God gave us Jon and Kate Gosselin?

Read: Possible study of anthrax vaccine-effectiveness in children sparks debate — Washington Post

"Don't worry guys. It's just one little prick and then Mommy can get a new car."Â


Soda POP Ya in the Kisser

Boston — A recent study found a strong correlation between high soda intake and violence. Almost 2000 highschool students were polled, and those who drank more than 5 cans of non-diet soda a week were between 9-15% more likely to be involved in violent acts.

Did it really take a study to determine that the more your kids get yipped up on caffeine and sugar, the more hyped they’ll be, and the more apt to snap when coming down? By the way parents, lots of soda will also give your kids diabetes and make them more susceptible to fat jokes.

Read:  Study finds link between heavy soda intake and violence —

"Let me hold some of that soda, bro...GIVE ME MY FIX!!!!!"


Big Bad Wolf

There are some things that once they’re seen, they can’t be unseen. That just might be the case with Keith Schofield’s video to Duck Sauce’s jam, Big Bad Wolf. Check out the (sort of NSFW) video below…

Watch: Duck Sauce Big Bad Wolf video — StereoGum


 Tuesday Fun



"So you were saying about my flute?"Â

"I just can''t"Â

Here come DeboÂ

"Now back to you, Â Frodo..."Â

How Chris Nolan wrote Inception

Missing: his daughter's good looks

Sorry Peggy, Al is doing much better these daysÂ

Leia better be ready for some Bu-Ewok-ee Â

Have a Horn-y TuesdayÂ

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  1. I can’t say that I blame the Libyan rebels at all for what they did, you know if it was me it would have been a scene from hot shots part deux. A chicken shot from a bow an arrow, right in to his anus. Partly for the comedic aspect, and the other part simply because I wouldn’t want to get close enough to his a*s to insert anything manually.

    The last thing we need is to give children an anthrax vaccine. Next thing you know bogus research is going to come out and claim that it causes autism in children and we’re going to have to deal with Jenny McCarthy trying to write yet another book.

    Lastly, the selective memory disorder that certain Republicans have shown is easily explained. It’s a response to a traumatic incident. Their “hero” ducked as a shoe was thrown at him! Completely embarrassing. He ducked that shoe faster than he ducked out of his military service. It would’ve been a different story had he gone all Daniel-san on it and deflected it with a “wax off” motion. I guess he was too high in the 80’s to remember the movie though. Oh well

    • Jenny McCarthy still sticks by her debunked theories…and she ruined Jim Carrey

    • Forget blocking, why didn’t Bush try to catch the shoe? How much more baller would that have been….”Sir, I think you dropped this…”

      • While most hot chicks are insane (permissibly so), she takes it to a whole new level.

        Jim Carrey ruined Jim Carrey. He needs to get back to channeling his bipolar disorder for the good of mankind like he used to. She probably had him taking all kinds of drugs to “heal” him… Scratch that, she did ruin him after all.

        The catch would’ve been awesome! He could have had one gnarly moment.

        “You think that’s air your breathing?”