The Sherms NFL Week 7 Forecast

The Dolphins continue to get their legs taken out from under them


 

by Ryan “The Sherms” Sherman

 

Week 7 of the NFL season features zero matchups between teams with winning records.  Here is how I see it playing out…

 

Chargers (4-1) at Jets (3-3)  §§§

This could be the game of the day.  The Jets beat the hopeless Dolphins last week to improve to 3-3.  Their winning streak will be snapped at 1 as the Chargers will stomp the Jets in front of their home (New Jersey) crowd.  Look for Philip Rivers to go after everyone in the Jets secondary not named Darrelle Revis and to surpass 250 yards passing in the process.  This will be a severe blow to the Jets playoff chances as it will knock them down to 3-4.

Prediction: Chargers 27 – Jets 17

"Norv, I promise, you aren't as bad as I say"

 

Bears (3-3) at* Buccaneers (4-2)  §§

This game is being played in the Buccaneers’ home away from home…good ol’ Wembley Stadium.   Apparently this year the Bucs’ drew the short straw and have to play a home game in London, at a soccer stadium.  Fun!

Fortunately for the Bucs, the Bears are not bringing their offense line across the pond, as they lost it sometime around 2007.   Look for the Bucs D to record at least 5 sacks (a European record!) and get 3 takeaways.  This will be enough for Josh Freeman and the Bucs O to work with, and the Bucs will come back to the good ol’ US of A a winner.

Prediction:  Bucs 24 – Bears 13

 

Seahawks (2-3) at Browns (2-3)  §

This game is basically unwatchable.  It is so bad that I wonder if the Redzone Channel will “forget” to switch to it even when one of the teams is close to scoring. Only thing making this game even slightly worthwhile is the fact that Peyton Hillis is on one of my Fantasy teams…but he’s been out with contract squabbles a hamstring injury and may see limited, if any, playing time.  Seahawks QB Tavaris Jackson also may not play on account of a pectoral injury, thus paving the way for backup Charlie Whitehurst to lead the visiting Seahawks to victory.

Prediction:  Seahawks 20 – Browns 17

 

Texans (3-3) at Titans (3-3)  §§§

The current Houston franchise vs. the former Houston franchise.  I’d personally like to see the Titans wear their old Oilers jerseys, wouldn’t you?

Oilers jerseys or not, this is a game I am looking forward to.  At the beginning of the season it seemed as if the Texans were going to coast to an AFC South division title, especially with Peyton Manning out and Jacksonville, well, being Jacksonville.  I guess Andre Johnson’s injury (hamstring) changes the forecast, as the Texans slipped to 3-3 and are looking up at the vastly underrated Tennessee Titans.

Who would have thought Matt Hasselback still had something left in the tank?  Not me.  I thought that guy was done, and ready to put out to pasture.  Amazing what a change of scenery – and having Chris Johnson in the backfield — does for a guy.   That said, he still is far from great, and Houston has held opposing quarterbacks to the fourth-lowest completion percentage in the league.

In one of my Fantasy leagues (my “South Florida league”) I considered benching Matt Schaub in favor of Matt Hasselback in my matchup against The Ryno/King team, but I will stick with Schaub.   He will lead me to victory, and the Texans as well.

Prediction: Texans 24 – Titans 16

"Matt, just hold still. You have some glitter right by your eye..."

 

Redskins (3-2) at Panthers (1-5)  §§ 

Rex Grossman is benched in favor of John Beck.  That makes sense, Rex Grossman stinks.  However, from what I remember of John Beck’s Dolphin days he’s not exactly a savior either (0-4 as a Dolphin, with a QB rating of -783.39).  On the other side of the ball the Panthers have Cam Newton.  Newton is young and inexperienced, but he’s got a world’s worth of confidence and is quickly improving.   Look for Newton to throw for 300 yards and to connect with Steve Smith for 2 TDs, and for the Panthers to win in front of their home crowd. 

Prediction: Panthers 24 – Redskins 20

 

Broncos (1-4) vs. Dolphins (0-5)  §§

A couple storylines here:

(1) This is the first Suck For Luck Bowl of the season.  If the Broncos win the Dolphins will hold a 2 game lead on the Broncos (0-6 vs. 2-4) and will have the all-important tiebreaker, on account of said loss.  Conversely, if the Dolphins win both they and the Broncos will be 1-5, a half a game behind the 0-5 Rams, and the Broncos will have the tiebreaker over the Dolphins on account of the Dolphins beating them.  Go Broncos.

(2)  In a shameless promotion aimed at getting South Florida Gator alumni to the stadium, the Dolphins are commemorating Tim Tebow and his 2008 Florida Gators with GATOR DAY.  That’s right, why not honor a team who plays over 300 miles away on their TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY of a national title with this bush-league promotion.

Sad truth: it worked, to the tune of an estimated 7,000-10,000 tickets extra tickets were sold on account of GATOR DAY.  I know, I can’t believe it either.  The 2008 Gators are not playing, and the combined record of the teams that are is 1-9, but South Florida Gators are still going to rush out to Sun Life Stadium in droves to watch Tebow and Urban Meyer get presented with some oranges (or whatever) at halftime.  This is the lamest thing ever.  It doesn’t even seem real.  Somebody pinch me, this has to be a dream.  What?  It’s real.  It’s really GATOR DAY, primarily in honor of the opposition’s QB, at the Dolphins’ home stadium on Sunday?  I still can’t believe it.  Oh well, hopefully Tebow will pay the Dolphins back by handing them a big fat L and the inside track in the Suck For Luck sweepstakes.

Prediction:  Broncos 20 – Dolphins 13

"What am I supposed to do...EVERYBODY is open!!??!"


 

Steelers (4-2) vs. Cardinals (1-4)  §

The Cardinals are pretty bad, and shouldn’t put up too much of a fight against the resurgent Steelers in this Super Bowl XLIII rematch.   Big Ben throws for 300, Rashard Mendenhall and Mike Wallace both chalk up 100 yards and a TD, and Troy Polamalu scores a defensive TD in a route.   The Cardinals are left wondering if Kurt Warner will come out of retirement.

 Prediction:  Steelers 31– Cardinals 13

 

Chiefs (2-3) vs. Raiders (4-2)  §§

The Raiders signed Carson Palmer this week after losing Jason Campbell to what could be a season-ending collarbone injury last Sunday.  Palmer, who had retired after not being able to force a trade from the Bengals prior to the season, must be thrilled to return to California and unite with Darren McFadden and the Raiders’ young and speedy receiving core.

It is unclear whether Palmer or Kyle Boller will get the start at this point.  However, and for what it’s worth, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, a former teammate who has been working out with Palmer since last season, said the improvement in Palmer’s throws from last year to this year is “very noticeable.”

I’d bet that Palmer comes in the game at some point…if for no other reason than to shed the rust.  Look for the Raiders to win by a touchdown.

Prediction:  Raiders 24 – Chiefs 17

This is the exact moment Carson smiles, because this whole time he though he was brought in to be Quarterback's Coach


 

Packers (6-0) vs. Vikings (1-5)  §§

Aaron Rodgers is going to have an absolute field day in Minnesota on Sunday.  Clearly, Rodgers and his Packers’ offense can hardly be stopped and the Vikings won’t be the exception to that rule.

The Vikings will also continue to struggle in their passing game, though at least head coach Leslie Frazier heeded my advice from last week and benched Donovan McBadd in favor of rookie QB Christian Ponder.  (“Vikings QB Donovan McNabb is beyond washed-up and if Christian Ponder isn’t starting by Week 8, Leslie Frazier should be summarily fired.”)  Ponder will take his lumps, and will probably throw at least two interceptions, but it’s a step in the right direction for the Vikings.  That said, the Packers win easily and stay undefeated.

 Prediction:  Packers 38 – Vikings 20

 

 

Rams (0-5) vs. Cowboys (2-3)  §

The Cowboys need a win to keep their reasonable playoff hopes alive.  Perfect time to be playing the St. Louis Rams.  Though I am certainly HOPING that the Rams find a way to pull this out (in order to help the Dolphins Suck For Luck, of course) I don’t see it happening.  Romo bounces back and throws for 350 yards with 3 TDs and only 1 INT and the Cowboys improve to 3-3.

Prediction:  Cowboys 30 – Rams 10

 

Colts (0-6) vs. Saints (4-2)  §

Speaking of Suck for Luck, the Phins could really use a Colts win. Not going to happen.  Brees puts on a clinic and the Saints go into halftime up by 20 in this Sunday Night Snoozer.

What happened to that whole flex scheduling thing, anyway?

Prediction:  Saints 37 – Colts 13

 

Ravens (4-1) vs. Jaguars (1-5) §

A terrible Sunday Night game followed by a just-as-bad Monday Night game.  Just great.

Of course, I have MJD in both of my Fantasy leagues — and am playing Joe Flacco in one, and Ray Rice in the other — so I will inevitably have to watch this shit-show.  Of course, the Jaguars will be starting rookie QB Blaine Gabbard and, thus, the ravenous Baltimore D (see what I did there?) will have 8 men in the box the majority of the game and, consequently, MJD will take a beating.

I’m sensing going into MNF with an 8-10 point lead in both leagues and then suffering through MJD getting outscored by both Flacco and Rice by double digits.  The Jaguars will lose by double digits as well.

 Prediction:  Ravens 30 – Jaguars 17

Ray-Ray dancing all the way to Week 8....

2 Comments

  1. Love the Chargers prediction!! And I say we start a petition to commemorate the undefeated Dolphins team from the 70’s. I mean shoot, as long as we’re celebrating things that aren’t even remotely applicable anymore!

    Go ‘fins! Go Teebow!!!

  2. hope you didn’t put your $$ where your mouth was this week Sherms