Crap you should read Thursday

 

 

Qaddafi Killed

Sirte, Libya — After 42 years of destroying, slaughtering, raping, embarrassing, ruining, ruling Libya, Colonel Muammar Qaddafi is finally dead. Qaddafi was found hiding in his hometown of Sirte, but when he tried to flee, his convoy was bombarded by NATO warplanes.  Libyan rebels reached the bombed-out convoy and found their “leader” hiding in a nearby drainpipe, seriously wounded in both legs and his head. The disgraced Colonel begged his captors “Don’t shoot…Don’t shoot!”. They didn’t listen.

Qaddafi’s body was dragged through the streets of Sirte to much celebration, and now the world is left to figure out how exactly to spell his name in obits.

Read: Rebels Capture and Kill Qaddafi after NATO bombing — Reuters

Read: LIVE BLOG: Sirte falls, Gaddafi killed — Telegraph

Qaddafi, Gaddafi, Gadhafi, Kadafi...whatever your name is....Good riddance

 

Prisoner Release Woes

On Monday, Israeli POW Gilad Shalit was released by Hamas in exchange for the release of 1027 Palestinians from Israeli jails. Israelis are morally conflicted over the release; while happy their boy is home, many assume the 1027 prisoners still hold their plans to bring death and destruction to Israel. To give credence to those fears, one of the released Palestinians, Wafa al-Bis, just vowed to fulfill her childhood dream of becoming a martyr for Jihad. Al-Bis was caught back in 2005 at an Israeli checkpoint strapped with 22lbs of explosives; she tried to blow herself up, but her detonator failed.

“I wanted to be the first female martyr from Gaza to kill Israeli soldiers and I wanted to kill as many as I could…I had wanted to be a martyr since I was a kid. I regard what I did as an honourable thing. It was my dream to be a martyr but God didn’t let me…As long as there is going to be occupation over all of Palestine, martyrs will be there to resist and to fight, and I will be among the first of the strugglers…This is an honourable thing and I would be a suicide bomber three times over if I could.”

Oh, its nice to hear about a sweet young girl trying to accomplish her dreams. Al-Bis mother didn’t know about her daughter’s plans, but said ““This is Jihad, it is an honourable thing and I am proud of her.” There is no way to quell this hate, it runs through generations.

I seriously don’t envy the heartburn suffered by Israeli PM Netenyahu over this decision. He let 1000+ terrorists back on the street, and I doubt many of them learned to love Israel and get over their issues while sitting in Israeli jails. They are so screwed. Shalit better go on to cure cancer, or at the very least win Dancing with the Stars.

Read: Freed Palestinian Prisoner vows to sacrifice herself to Jihad — Telegraph

"Oh, is that 22lbs of explosives in your underwear or are you just happy to  be home?

 

Died Free

Ohio — Terry Thompson ran an exotic farm which held 56 “rescued” exotic animals. Apparently Tuesday, Thompson had enough, and freed the animals from their pens before killing himself. Some of the animals took off at the first taste of freedom, while others tried to get their first taste of the other animals. One neighbor said he was shocked to see tigers and bears running free, as well as a lion chasing a horse.

All in all, 50 of the 56 animals were killed, some by cars on the nearby interstate, others were taken down by police after tranquilizer darts failed. 3 leopards, a grizzly bear and 2 monkeys  were captured and sent to neighboring zoos.  The tragic scene looked like a Noah’s Ark warzone, but at least a few people will be getting some nice coats and shoes.

Read: Almost all the Ohio animals are dead — Gawker.com

Read: Ohio cops wrap up hunt for 50+ freed exotic animals — DailyMail

FRRRRREEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOM...Bang

 

Little Texas Harlots

Texas — A recent study says that Texas’ kids love to bang, many starting as soon as sixth grade. Here are the percentages of kids that have done the deed, by grade:

6th Grade — 10%

7th grade — 22 %

8th grade — 29%

9th grade — 32%

12th grade — 62%

I’m not saying there’s a problem, I’m saying I wish I grew up in Texas. But others say there’s a problem because the study shows Texas has almost double the teen pregnancy rate of the rest of the country (6.3% compared to 3.9% nationally) and Texas’ middle and high-schoolers are “more likely to have had sex with four or more partners…[and] less likely to have used any form of birth control than their national counterparts.”

I’m not really shocked by the results as much as I am jealous. I already knew this stuff went on in Texas; I watch Friday Night Lights, and I just assume all guys play football and their chicks wear whipped-cream bikinis. I found humor in how much the world has changed since my senior year where it was 10% tops (yes, I am a 10 per-center). I tried to come up with a funny punchline, then I remembered I have two beautiful nieces growing up in Texas. It’s not so funny anymore.

Read: Texas kids love sex — DailyMail

And I was playing Tecmo Bowl and RBI Baseball...what an idiotÂ

 

That’s the Iceberg?

What you see below is the Iceberg that sunk the Titanic. Pictures taken from the deck of the sinking ocean liner were just released, and many of us idiots are pretty shocked about how small and unassuming the iceberg is.

Damn you Jim Cameron and your cinematic wizardry.

Read: The Iceberg that sank the Titanic — WWTDD

If you listen closely you can hear "I love you Jack" "I Love you Rose" "Don't go Jack." "I have to Rose" "Jack..." "Rose..." Ok, we just sat through 3 hours of this movie, we know your names already !!!!

 

Beyonce Belly Laughter

I’m not sure if Beyonce has a horrible eye for talent, or maybe she wanted to deflect embarrassment away from her fake baby bump, but she put one of her fans on the spot and it makes for a hilariously horrible moment. Take a look…

Watch: Beyonce makes her fan sing…horribly — Youtube

 

Lohan Fun

I’m not sure why it brings me pleasure to see Lindsay Lohan taken away in handcuffs, but in honor of our girl’s revocation of Probation, I think a little photo-retrospective is in order. Lindsay looks absolutely ragged these days at the age of 40 25, so let’s try to remember back on LiLo’s Horn-iest of days….

They should do one of these with mugshots

So young and innocent.. Pre-STD or no chance?

She looks so hot here...for a 38 year old

She has that "I know there's some coke around here somewhere" look in her eyesÂ

Don't look now...she can almost be mistaken as a cute normal girl here

Lindsay as the TwinsÂ

Lindsay and the Twins

bony back so made up for by side-boob

She looks so confused by the concept of a pool

I bet that thing smells like cigarettes

Have a Horn-y Thursday

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3 Comments

  1. They have nothing else to do in Texas! Wasn’t dancing outlawed down there? At least that’s what the Texan documentary called Footloose teaches us.

    Also, if you really think about it Al-Bis is God’s gift to man. Think about your worst date or girlfriend, at least she didn’t try to blow you up for being an infidel. If the Israelite’s suffering is supposed to brig them closer to God and truly appreciate what thy have while on earth then she’s piece of toilet paper stuck to your shoe that won’t let you forget you just visited the bathroom.

    • Yeah, since they can’t dance, all they can do is bang

  2. i like LL as a 38-year old.

    Don’t mess with Texas.