“Suck for Luck” Sucks

Suck for Me

It’s amazing what a weekend without losing does to your perspective.

Sure it was only defeat-less because the Dolphins had a bye week, but it just felt so much better than the last 7 weeks with NFL football. I hate losing. I know I’m a grownz-ass man, but a Dolphin defeat can still ruin my Sunday and set me on pace for a crappy week.

So while “Suck for Luck” might be the new #Winning! in Miami, I can’t possibly cheer for a dismal season.

The catchy slogan could just be theraputic and just a way for DolFans to pretend to accept their lease in the basement of the League, but I just can’t hop on board that wagon.

For what, one college player?

I know Stanford’s Andrew Luck is the best QB prospect since Peyton Manning.

I know he’s the consensus 1st pick of the 2012 draft, and would’ve been 1st in last year’s draft had he decided to come out early.

I know he has a he’s already calling his own plays and running the no-huddle with ease. I know that through 5 games he has 14 TDs and 2 INTs with a 182 QB rating. I know that the lucky (sigh) team who comes in last place is handed a franchise Quarterback for 10+ years.

I’ll be psyched if he does end up on our roster, but do I really want to intentionally sacrifice a full season just to get Lucky? No. I’m not ready to give up on this season like its season 5 of The West Wing.

"Hey guys. See you next season?"

I want to beat the Jets this weekend (and always). I can’t stomach losing to those pompous jerks or having to suffer through the bragging of the misplaced Jets fans who love New York so much they left there.

I’d like to see Brandon Marshall leave his Paxil at home and have a monster game. I’d like to see Vontae Davis, Sean Smith, Jared Odrick and Cameron Wake turn into the stonewall defense Bill Parcells promised us.

Plus, are weekly losses really the way to turn the franchise around? I seem to remember reeeeeally sucking twice before and getting Ronnie Brown and Jake Long from it. I like both of the players, but we’re currently witnessing the stunning future they were supposed to ring in.

And while we’re on the topic of sucking, no matter how loud the chants get, Stephen Ross should not fire Tony Sparano.

I know the team is playing poorly and the season feels lost, but its not time to pack it in. It’s certainly not time to fire Tony Sparano.

What purpose would firing the Head Coach mid-season serve for the organization? Punishment? Motivation? Intentional Suicide?

Tony Sparano isn’t a bad coach. It was just a couple excruciating seasons ago that the Dolphins won the AFC East and Sparano finished 2nd in the AP Coach of the Year balloting. Sparano’s team rarely speaks out against him. The guy is relentlessly positive and even enthusiastically cheers Field Goals. By all accounts he’s a good man, and a great representation for an organization.

Coach Sparano has done nothing to earn the ire of Miami. But that’s precisely the problem. He hasn’t done anything. But is that all his fault?

I’ve already ranted in length about how his career has been a case of Live by a Chad, Die by a Chad. But has T-Spar actually done the best with what he’s been given? A good coach should get the most out of his men, and there is surely no “most” out on that field so far this year.

"So how many more chunk yards til I get to taste me some Field Goal?"

Football is not like baseball, so a new Coach would not bring some magical Marlins/McKeon run. An NFL Head Coach brings in his own system and the organization takes on that personality. The players go to weeks of camp to learn the system, then they live it for months. It’s impossible to replace midseason, and the only chance of even partial success is promotion of a Coordinator already in the system.

Unfortunately, there is certainly no Coach-in-Waiting on this staff. The veteran Defensive Coordinator Mike Nolan would be the obvious choice, except for the fact that his highly-touted Defense has been a poorly conditioned disappointment. The new Offensive Coordinator Brian Daboll isn’t exactly gaining positive reviews since his unit has yet to score more than the opposition.

Hiring from outside is the answer and that can only take place in the offseason.

And while owner Stephen Ross might masturbate to the thought of a Franchise QB, he probably can’t see losing as a good way to put butts in the seats and money in his pockets. Ross certainly doesn’t want to have to buy back tens of thousands of tickets to avoid a local TV blackout every weekend.

Don’t forget there’s another selfish reason Ross can’t hand Sparano a pink slip any time soon…his reputation as an owner. Ross already bungled the situation with Jim Harbaugh in the offseason and now he has to prove to any future coaching candidates that he runs a respectable club.

That said, barring a miraculous run, there’s no chance Tony Sparano is still Head Coach of the Miami Dolphins in 2012. The relationship has run its course.

As for 2011, there’s probably no season left to salvage, but we fans still need to be entertained. Otherwise the club risks losing fans who actually respect the game.

Personally, I still want 12 enjoyable Sunday’s to look forward to, or at the very least, not completely crapped on.

Suck for Luck is not a plan; it’s a spoonful of sugar to make the Dolphin turd go down.

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4 Comments

  1. I disagree w the suck for luck being a bad idea, he’s pretty awesome and what good does a 3 or 6 win season do for anybody?

    • I hear you Jarrett, I will be psyched if he does end up on our team, but I just can’t root for losses all year

  2. ur a good fan. i couldnt agree more (except for the sparano part…hes gotta go). hate the green slime. go phins!

    • Rob, do you really want him gone mid-season?