Crap you should read Wednesday (10/12)



Really Iran?

An assassination plot targeting the Saudi Ambassador to the US was exposed on Tuesday, and according to Attorney General (for the time being) Eric Holder, Iran was behind the whole thing. Integral members of the plot have been arrested, and according to their testimony, as well as results from an investigation dating back to May, Iran wanted to kill the Ambassador on American soil.

Allegedly, members from Iran’s shady Quds Forces approached a Mexican Drug Cartel with a $1.5 million to take out Ambassador Adel al-Jubeir. A plan was drawn up to take him out while he dined at his favorite Washington DC restaurant, apparently by bomb, or another weapon of mass destruction. According to words of one of the hitman to one of the undercover cops, bystander casualties were not an issue. “‘They want that guy [al-Jubeir] done. If the hundred go with him, fuck ’em.”

Although Iran is denying anything took place, the Mexicans are known to have traveled back and forth to Iran to meet with Quds Force handlers. So were these just phony impostors and Iran is being framed? I’m choosing the option that has “Iran’s government is a lying piece of crap” next to it.

So you got all that right? Iran hired Mexican cartels to kill a Saudi Ambassador on American Soil. Holy Fuck. This is kind of a big deal. So was the fact that the sting also uncovered plans to blow up the Israeli and Saudi embassies.

What happens now? Denials. That’s all Iran does. They deny. But no one is listening. As Saudi Prince (and former Ambassador to the US) Turki al-Faisal put it:

“The burden of proof is overwhelming… and clearly shows official Iranian responsibility for this. Somebody in Iran will have to pay the price.”

Sec. of State Clinton and Vice President Biden have already loudly decried that all options will be on the table in dealing with Tehran. The most likely scenarios all include strict sanctions against the Shi’ite Nation, which they’ll ignore anyway, or use to their manipulative “look how the world treats us” advantage.

Some are questioning the timing of this announcement, suggesting Obama used this as deflection. Anyone that says that is an idiot. Is the President allowed to do anything in his day to day routine of operating the most powerful office in the world without it being tied to campaigning interests?

In any case, this is one to keep an eye on. Between Pakistan and Iran, it looks like we have our Defense/National Security budgets approved for years to come.

Read: Arrests made in Terror plot to kill Saudi Ambassador — USA Today

Read: US says Iran behind plot to kill Saudi Ambassador — Reuters

Read: Details emerge in Iranian assassination plot —


Really Kanye?

New York — Kanye West and Russell Simmons were caught at an Occupy Wall Street Protest proving they were just like the rest of the 99%. Except for the gold chain, gold grill and thousand dollar wardrobe, of course.

Kanye, for the record, the best way to prove you’re just like everyone else is NAHT to pretend your better than everyone else. I know he claims he was silent to avoid his words being twisted into a bigger story, but his silence was just as bad. (Well he would have probably said something moronic, so maybe silence wasn’t so horrible). He claims he didn’t want publicity, but then stood in front of the camera.

How did he get to the Protest by the way; did he pull up in his other Benz, or his other other Benz? Yeezy, I’d fly back to Chi-town ASAP to make sure people aren’t Occupying your front lawn.



Phoenix Jones

Seattle— “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” Come on, Phoenix Jones, you knew this! I had no idea there were so many masked vigilantes running around town, but Seattle is now in the news because one such Vigilante is learning the Hero/Villain lesson the hard way. 

But Phoenix Jones is a true masked vigilante (except we know his name: Benjamin John Francis Fodor) who actually has saved the day before, including one time saving a ma. Unfortunately for Phoenix Jones, last weekend he tried to break up a huge fight, but the crowd quickly turned on him. Next thing you know, some people start charging Phoenix, so he started pepper-spraying people like he’s a NYPD at a protest. Naturally this started a painful chain-reaction and everybody started to freak their savior. To his credit, Phoenix hung around til the cops arrived, and argued that he was only defending himself from the angry mob, but he was arrested nonetheless.

The courts/justice system doesn’t want people taking justice in their own hands. While vigilantes are cool in movies, we do have laws for a reason. We grant certain citizens the responsibility to effectuate justice, but its only because we have societal protections (allegedly) to keep them in line, and to cover people’s asses when things go wrong.

Those pesky cops let PJ go on bail, but kept his badass, custom-made latex pajamas crime-fighting get-up as evidence. But have no fear, another Phoenix will rise from the ashes soon; Fodor has another outfit at home.

Read:  Seattle Crime Fighter not alone; 5 other vigilantes —

Watch: Phoenix Jones: Vigilante gets Arrested after crowd turns on him — Youtube

Kick Ass


Bad Ass of the Day

Libya — The honor goes to this Libyan rebel while fighting against pro-Qaddafi forces. “War…huh…what is it good for?” Good jamming apparently.

"Ok, ok I get it already. No Jason Mraz."Â


Drive is not Fast nor Furious

Michigan — Sarah Deming went to see Drive because she thought the trailer made it seem like a Ryan Gosling version of Fast and the Furious. Deming was so infuriated that the movie didn’t live up to her expectations that she is now suing the production company and the theater for her money back. She also wants to turn the suit into a class-action claim against misrepresentation in cinema.

Now granted, I haven’t seen the movie yet, but it’s called Drive and she’s alleging their ain’t enough driving-action in it. Sounds like a valid complaint, but lawsuit worthy? Deming loses instant credibility because she was hoping to see something similar to Fast and the Furious to begin with. My opinion of her drops even further because she is too stupid to realize that every production company wants to sell their film and sometimes that means showing you the best parts in the preview. I’m guessing she also has suits against New Line Cinema because she thought Lord of the Rings was about a gymnast/jeweler, and Universal because Jaws was supposed to be an orthodontist biopic.

Someone just introduce this woman to Rotten Tomatoes and give her back a $10 bill folded into a middle finger.

Read: Does the Drive Trailer lawsuit lady have a case? –NBC Connecticut 

Josh Hantman tells Ryan Gosling to step on it already


Not so Crappy

Boca Raton, FL — If this video of an Army dad reunited with his daighter after 9 months doesnt move you then you really need to lower the dosage of your Cymbalta.



That’s Buck

South Africa — Ok, I have to make up for the sappy crap by showing you someone getting the crap rocked out of them by a red hartebeest. What’s a red hartebeest you ask? Its a huge buck that hates Mountain Bikers apparently.

Watch Evan van der Spuy of Team Jeep South Africa learn that lesson the hard way.



Have a Horn-y Humpday

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