Crap you should read Tuesday (10/11)



LOL: Al Qaeda Wants Rights

Suddenly Al Qaeda thinks it deserves rights to the American legal system. Al Qaeda officials in Yemen confirmed the death of Anwar al-Awlaki, an American-born jihadist who allegedly inspired and planned terrorist plots against the US, but question why he was killed without the benefit of a trial. I’m sorry, are they friggin’ kidding me?

Although American-born, Al-Awlaki was a prominent Al-Qaeda clearic and propagandist. He was an English speaker who understood western customs. He even ran Inspire magazine, a Westernized publication that “inspired” and recruited jihadists from places they couldn’t adequately reach before. American officials allege that al-Awlaki was more than just a public speaker, but also involved in Operational planning for terrorist attacks. His killing was authorized in a Justice Department finding, and he was finally taken out last month by Predator Drone Strike. So now those playing the Morality game want to know why the US used kill-without-trial tactics even though Al-Awlaki was technically an American citizen.

While it’s fun for peace-niks to play Moral High Ground in fine DC eateries, how could Al Qaeda believe the US “violated’ al-Awlaki’s rights (and Samir Khan, a young American-born propagandist who was also killed in the Predator Strike) when they took him out sans trial? Do they suddenly deserve the rights and protections of the very laws they’re trying to abolish and destroy? How many of our innocent civilians have they put on trial before killing them in terrorist attacks? Was 9-11 one big legal proceeding?

Al-Awlaki preached the death of our country and citizens, and “inspired” countless others to do the same. Why does the US have to grant them rights they don’t grant others? Regardless of the extent of their participation, al-Awlaki and Khan certainly weren’t innocent bystanders. American citizens don’t accidentally run around with the Al-Qaeda crowd. Once you stamp your Al-Qaeda membership card, you relinquish the rights and protections of American citizenship. This is a war that they declared on US, and Al-Awlaki and Khan weren’t sitting on the sidelines. It would be nice to think  we should prove their participation to the world to make the naive doves sleep easier, but now everyone in the western world can sleep a little easier knowing that one or maybe two more people plotting to kill them are dead.

Read: Al Qaeda joins those questioning legality of Awlaki killing —

Read: US Kills al-Awlaki —

Take that, Al Qaeda


Occupy This

It’s interesting to watch how the Occupy protests are covered by the news. Liberal organizations praise the intelligence and orderliness of the Protesters while decrying the police brutality. Conservative outlets portray the protests as one big lawless orgy with partiers turning the opportunity into a rave, while trying their hardest to frame the issue as one against the White House rather than Wall Street.

Take Herman Cain and his verbal diarrhea:

“When a reporter asked me the other day: Well, what do you think about those demonstrations up on Wall Street? I said, first of all, Wall Street didn’t write these failed economic policies, the White House did. Why don’t you move the demonstrations to the White House?…You can demonstrate all you want on Wall Street. The Problem is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue!”

I wish I could quote someone else about these protests, but no one from the Financial world is speaking out, and Cain just won’t shut up. And the guy really doesn’t have a clue as to what’s going on. He could care less that 99% of the country is pissed at the Financial system in place. But he’s indicative of how the Right is trying to portray the issue: wait out the protests, completely ignore the issues and try to somehow deflect the attention onto Obama.

It seems like a good tactic, after all, the weather has to change and soon it will be too damn cold to protest. Then everyone goes away, and Wall Street will go back to their business of padding their pockets with cash to keep themselves warm.

Insert Metaphor Here


The Other Side of Steve Jobs

I’m sure you noticed the love and praise for Steve Jobs overflowing in the last week, but some think that all the flowers and butterflies are quite misplaced. Ryan Tate of Gawker breaks down the Jobs mystique; not by dissing his genius, but rather just by saying Steve Jobs is an asshole.

Tate knows full well that Steve Jobs will take his place carved upon the Mt Rushmore of Innovation, but says “a great man’s reputation can withstand a full accounting.” The article describes the standard driven man steps on everyone in his way stories you’d expect from a man who accomplished what he did. Not surprisingly, Jobs was an absent father, and a tyrant/demeaning/over-demanding boss.

Also, let’s not forget that Jobs wanted Apple to be a profitable company (and boy is it ever), so he cut all philanthropic endeavors (why give away profits to someone else?) and he had most of your iGoods made in abusive sweat shops overseas by the hands of tiny children and abused workers.

Tate is right that we have to take everything into account when judging “Great” people, and you need to weigh the negative footprints on society as well as the positive.

Read: What everyone is too polite to say about Steve Jobs — Ryan Tate on

What's that on her phone? Argument over.


Iran Hates Women

Iranian Courts have sentenced actress Marzieh Vafamehr to 90 lashes along with a year in jail as punishment for a role she played in a  movie, My Tehran for Sale. The Australian film portrayed the Iranian government and way of life in a less-than-favorable light, particularly in its treatment of women. Ironically, Vafamehr’s character in My Tehran for Sale is a woman whose stagework is banned by the government.

To retaliate, Iran charged Vafamehr for appearing in a movie that failed to get necessary permits. Producers say this is BS because they had all the permit bases covered. In reality, Vafamehr is being punished to prove a lesson against speaking out, as well as for the anti-Islamic stuff she did on-screen for her role: “illegally” shaving her head and not wearing her hijab covering. This all got her 90 lashes.

So Iran proves they aren’t horrible and evil by doing they very thing that was negatively portrayed in the film. Either irony is missed on them or they just don’t give a crap.

Vafamher is appealing the ruling, but will likely have to live with the scarred results of this sentence. It would be nice to think that the public outcry will bring more attention to the absurdity of the Iranian situation, but her family is worried that the desire to spit in the face of the Western world will likely harm poor Marzieh rather than help.

Read: Iranian actress sentenced to 90 lashes and year in jail for role in anti-Iran film — CBSNews

90 lashes is a bit extreme, but at Ieast Iran men know they only like long hair


Horrible Super Mom 

Riverside, CA — Susan Dibene, 33, sacrificed herself to save her 2 year old daughter from an oncoming Metrolink train. Why was her stroller in the path of an oncoming Metrolink train, you ask? It surely wasn’t anything cool like Kevin Coster in The Untouchables. As the Seargent Kendall Banks so bluntly put it:

“The arms were down, lights were going and she tried to cross anyway and the stroller got stuck and she didn’t make it.’

Susan was able to push the stroller out of the way at the last second to save her child. As if it was a scene from a Michael Bay movie, a nearby woman was shocked to see a stroller sitting alone so close to the tracks. She didn’t realize the baby’s mom caught the train earlier than expected.

Read: Southern California Mom killed by train when stroller gets stuck in tracks —

Patience is a virtue. So are adamantium-plated bones.


Shady Creep of the Day

Lakeland, FL — A Florida Appeals Court further solidified that you can masturbate to what you want so long as no one is hurt. In this case, Danny Parker, a Sunday School teacher, had a Possession of Child Pornography ruling reversed because the porn in question wasn’t technically of children. Parker had pictures of legal-aged models, but over their faces he scotch-taped crude faces cut from pictures of young students at the Sunday School where he taught.

Technically no one was harmed by his creepy whack session, so its not illegal. He was just found guilty originally because the jury wanted to keep this creep off the street.

What do you think Hornballs, is it a bigger danger to lock up someone who hasn’t really tried to physically harm anyone, or does a man’s sketchy masturbatory habits and picture-taking of children in his care establish him as a potential danger to our society?

Read: Florida Court reverses ruling and says Pasting Kids’ Faces on Naked Adult Bodies is Not Child Porn —

Hopefully this detracts from the creepiness of the last article


Drop the Chalupa

Jensen Beach, FL — You thought your Saturday night at the drive-thru was horrible? Be thankful you didn’t get stuck behind Matthew Falkner’s truck at Taco Bell. Falkner, 30, passed out in the drive-thru lane immediately after he was given his food. While sometimes this can be attributed to staying up for days on end volunteering in homeless shelters, its usually the result of being wasted off your ass. Assuming that was the case here, T-Bell employees called the cops to get Falkner the hell out of their line.

Cops approached the car, and tried to wake Falkner up. When asked for ID, he produced a Taco. One officer pointed out that a Taco is insufficient ID in Florida, but Falkner laughed and started chowing down. But Falkner’s foot was on the accelerator the entire time he was passed out, so the engine suddenly caught fire, and had to be put out.

In case you’re wondering, Falkner blew a .227, three times the legal limit, so he’ll get plenty of time to catch up on that sleep. Man, if you thought it was bad to be stuck in a car with someone post-Taco Bell, imagine have to share a cell toilet with them…

Read: Drunk Florida Man tries to use Taco as his ID —

"Oh I'm sorry. That sign is misleading."


Someone’s Got Talent

What a Crappy day of news. If you made it this far, you deserve this….


Have a Horn-y Tuesday

Follow The Ryno on Facebook and Twitter or email