NFL Preview: Part 1 AFC

YES! Its Football Season!

The NFL kicked off last night and the Packers held off the Saints in a wild 42-34 barn burner that probably ranks up with the best Opening games of all time.

With this excitement in mind, I present to you two days of NFL preview coverage, Ryno style.

Today I prep you for the AFC. Obviously the entire thing comes with the “barring injury” disclaimer.

(Click here for the Ryno’s NFC Preview)

 

AFC East

Patriots:  Oh how I hate this team, but they are just too frickin’ good. The best coached team in the game is looking forward to another cakewalk of a season. They’re not looking forward to unnecessary drama that surrounds big free agent signings, Chad Ochocinco and Albert Haynesworth. Regardless, evil Belichick and his Ice Queen QB Tom Brady will win the East, easy.

Jets:  When I die, I’ll have to beg forgiveness for my repeated wishes for a Jets team plane crash. Gang Green will get another year of stingy defense and get to sweat out all the lucky wins they get in spite of their overrated QB. They’ll push for the Division but will be in the Wild Card hunt.

Dolphins: Blah Blah Chad Henne sucks Blah Blah. Defense is a bright spot, unless they’re playing the Pats.  Miami is ooking forward to watching Reggie Bush play, but dreading the inevitable half-season he’ll miss due to injury. Fins will be right in the playoff hunt, until they’re mathematically eliminated by mid-October.

Bills: Buffalo will get their fair share of awesome games they almost pull out in the end. Almost. They have a couple exciting guys to look forward to in CJ Spiller and Roscoe Parrish, but they’ll be the doormat of the East…unless Miami has something to say about it.

"You are gonna cut that hair, right Tom?"

.

AFC North

Ravens: Baltimore might be the most complete team in the AFC. The Ravens are notorious for their (aging) Defense, but their offense and has awesome has finally caught up. I’m not sure if that’s because of, or in spite of sCam Cameron. Ray Rice is arguably the best RB in the game, and my money is on Joe Flacco to shine this year with new addition Lee Evans complimenting Anquan Bolden (hey ‘Quan, that’s a nice jacket!). Flacco’s Seagulls will take the North with 12 or 13 wins and will definitely go deep into the Playoffs.

Steelers: The Super Bowl Chumps want another Ring for the collection, and Mike Omar Epps Tomlin has the weapons to do it. Big Ben won’t take no for an answer, and Troy Palamalu is the league’s premier safety. Steeler Nation is not looking forward to losing one of those guys to either prison or dandruff. This team will do their usual routine of making the season too dramatic, but they’re just too talented not to make the playoffs. I’ll gladly root against them every week just to spite my Steller Nation friends.

Browns: They got a new coaching staff in place, so at least they have that to be excited about. And Colt McCoy, who has looked Victoria’s Secret perfect throughout the preseason. In order to make any push, they need another big year from the great white hype, Peyton Hillis. Sorry Cleveland, just blame LeBron.

Bengals: The situation is so bad Carson Palmer would rather sit out the year than put on the stripes one more time. Regardless, the new-look Cinci is psyched to see rookie QB Andy Dalton in action. They aren’t looking forward to the pain that comes with starting a Ginger rookie QB. Either way, when are they going to paint the black stripes directly on his Ginger head?

"I said NO! I don't want to go to the bathroom with you!"

.

AFC South

Texans: Houston can’t wait to actually play a season that isn’t ruined by Peyton Manning. Arian Foster had to go and blow it all by Tweeting tweaking his hammy, but this team has enough tools to make magic happen in this new Division. With Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson and a healthy Foster, this team is tough and they have a genuine shot to overcome the Manning curse. Their shot to win the South depends solely on his neck…and their horrible secondary.

Titans: Jeff Fisher is gone. Vince Young is gone. Wins are gone. But at least Titan fans are looking forward to some flashy runs now that Chris Johnson finally signed. They got nothing else.

Colts: Peyton Manning. Out. That is all.

Jaguars: Coach Jack Del Rio cuts starting QB David Garrard, 5 days before the season. I can’t imagine there’s a lot to look forward to in Jacksonville until Florida/Georgia.

"Maybe you can catch me on Twitter!"

.

AFC West

Chargers: The Bolts are the kings of this Division and looking forward to another yard-gulping Offense behind obnoxious cocky Phillip Rivers and some great WRs in Vincent Jackson and Malcolm Floyd. Hopefully they’ll get a good sophomore year from RB Ryan Matthews. The Chargers will win the West, but have no fear AFC; Norv’ll figure out a way to blow it in the playoffs.

Chiefs: The Sleeper pick of the AFC and they’ll put up a damn good fight for the West. They’re definitely looking forward to another big season from fantasy studs Jamaal Charles and Dwayne Bowe. Its hard to think of the Chiefs as a tough team, but this is a new age. KC will fight for a Wild Card with the Ravens and Jets.

Raiders:  They’re fast as hell. Al Davis may be kooky, but he loves a low 40 yd dash. Raider nation is looking forward to a healthy Darren McFadden and maybe a surprise showing by rookie QB Terrelle Pryor. They aren’t looking forward to the inevitable 6 games without McFadden. This team will be fun to watch, and might make a stand if new Coach Hue Jackson can get the best out of the perennially under-performing club.

Broncos: Broncos fans are looking forward to the post-McDaniels era. They’re not looking forward to Jesus’s wrath for sitting his favorite QB. Kyle Orton will continue being the most underrated signal caller in the game, but hopefully he’ll do enough to earn a decent contract in a city that actually wants him next year. Don’t expect to see Denver in the postseason unless RB Knowshon Moreno quantum leaps to the elite level.

Taste the Dwayne Bowe

.

.

Division Winners: New England, Baltimore, Houston, San Diego

Wild Card Contenders: New York, Pittsburgh, Kansas City

Maybe Surprise: Oakland, Miami

.

That’s the AFC how I see it. Agree/Disagree? Comment below…

Click here for the Ryno’s NFC Preview

 

Follow The Ryno on Facebook and Twitter or email ryno@therynoshorn.com

2 Comments

  1. Yup, pretty much exactly how I see it! Can someone please tell me why the Fins are opening with Monday Night Football against the Patriots? The. Patriots. Ugh!

  2. A lot of work that brings good insight to our upcoming season. Thanks for the effort.