Crap you should read this Weekend (9/9)


Thank God for this Chick


The Jobs Speech:

Last night, in front of a Joint Session of Congress, (and an American public anxious for Packers/Saints) President Obama laid out his $447 billion plan to fix the stagnant economy. It calls for payroll tax cuts, extension of unemployment benefits, breaks to companies who hire unemployed workers or veterans, $60 billion in robust Publics Works projects to fix our nations decaying infrastructure, plans to fix schools and bolster education and job training.

Team Obama claims the American Jobs Act is a neutral, bi-partisan piece of legislation, but the details (including costs and the eventual tax hikes) will be debated over the next weeks. Obama’s speech didn’t just lay out a plan for massive job creation, it was also a STRONG defense of American government and the benefits it brings to our society. Think of it as a big F-You to the strong anti-government stance that the Tea Party has made the cause celebre.

The American Jobs Act will be presented to Congress next week, and the President pleaded with Congress to pass it immediately. Unfortunately for our country, Republicans care more about Obama losing the election than they care about the recovery of our economy. Even though something must be done – anything really, to get things going – Obama’s plan will be ignored; there’s just no way the Republican party will do ANYTHING positive for the country while Obama is in office. So just expect to hear how the President sucks and the bad economy is all his fault; no solutions, just the same country-harming crap for the next 14 months.

At least the speech was kick-ass.

Click here to read The Ryno Reports for my full take on the Obama’s Job Plan


Obama lays out Jobs plan to Congress — CNN

Joe-Bi and J-Bone can't stand looking at the back of Barry's head.


9-11 Threat confirmed:

With the 10th Anniversary of the WTC/Pentagon attacks just 2 days away, security has been beefed up in DC and NYC to prepare for a “credible, but unconfirmed” terrorist threat. Its no secret that al Qaeda would love to “celebrate” the anniversary of their biggest accomplishment, especially after Bin Laden’s trove of information laid out a number of possibilities. Now “chatter” throughout intelligence circles has picked up, and the authorities are taking notice. According to CNN:

The official said the plot was believed to involve three individuals, including a U.S. citizen. U.S. officials believed the threat was a vehicle laden with explosives, but “the intelligence picture is not completely formed,” the official said. “Not enough is known about the potential operatives and their plotting.”

They have no idea what the target could be, or the identity of the bombers. So this means heightened vigilance, otherwise known as racial profiling out the wazoo. So keep a lookout, buy your duct tape, and stay away from “American Monuments” like the Capitol Building, The Empire State Building, anywhere on the National Mall or even Sbarro’s. Consider this your warning. I just saved your life.

In the meantime, check out the video below to see the next building to be attacked a CGI rendering of the future World Trade Center.

US Ramps up security in face of new 9-11 terrorist Threats — CNN


Gatti was Murdered:

After a 10 month investigation, a panel of 10 forensic experts conclusively determined that there was no way Arturo Gatti committed suicide in 2009. Obviously that means he was murdered. His death was always suspicious, but it was officially listed as a suicide because the only reasonable suspect was Gatti’s small wife, and the cops refused to believe she could have over-powered and killed the former Junior Welterweight Champion. The panel determined:

A severe laceration on the back of Gatti’s head couldn’t have happened during a fall to the floor, and the position he was found in, with his head halfway wedged under a cabinet, was not consistent with a hanging…In addition, the handbag strap he allegedly used wasn’t strong enough to hold 78 pounds for more than a few seconds, far shorter than the several hours alleged by police based on interviews with his wife. The laceration was caused by a blunt instrument and could have incapacitated Gatti before he was strangled…Two hand towels covered with blood, presumably from the head injury, were never tested by Brazilian authorities.

The shady truth is coming to light again because Gatti’s family is trying to stall the division of the boxer’s estate. They seem to believe his wife had something do with the murder. Whether or not the murder investigation will be re-opened is another story, but at the very least, the Gatti family got a semblance of peace knowing that their beloved son/brother didn’t take his own life.

Panel determines Arturo Gatti’s 2009 death was murder, not suicide — Huffington Post

Come on Arturo...this is no time to brag


No Dopes Here:

“Hi, is this Linn State Technical School? Yes, I want my application back, please.” The small Missouri College has instituted mandatory drug testing for the entire student body. No thank you!

Linn State is certainly not shooting to climb the charts as a renowned party school, but feels this is necessary requirement for a school that trains in aircraft maintenance, nuclear technology, heavy engine repair, and other highly dangerous tasks.

Some are obviously displeased with the decision, but although we usually feel otherwise, college isn’t a guaranteed license to do illegal drugs. If you don’t like the policy, don’t choose that school. Its just the way it is.

I’m guessing the girls weren’t hot there anyway.

Linn State institutes mandatory drug testing for the entire student body

Everyone is nervous in front of the Linn State Entrance Panel


Nike McFly’s:

I know its dumb, but as a kid, my vision of the future was heavily influenced by Back to the Future 2. I was psyched for the far-off 2015 where cars flew, doors opened by fingerprint or retinal scan, food cooked itself instantly, huge holograms would fly out of movie promos, Miami would beat Chicago in the World Series, and who could forget the biggest technologically believable lie of all time: the hover-board.

But now, more than 20 years later (or 4 years early) Nike is giving us Marty McFly’s awesome self-lacing, light up kicks. Nike made 1500 pairs of the Air Mag, complete with rechargeable LED lights in the soles. They’ll only be made available by auction off Ebay, and all of the proceeds will go to the Michael J Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s research.

Whether people will buy these shoes to wear them (Hello, King?) or just to have a cool keepsake, this is a great promo that will earn a ton of money for a great cause. This is much better than my 1998 failed business ventures of Doc Brown Hair Gel or  Biff’s Manure Fertilizer.

As for the shoes, you might not be ready for them, but your kids are gonna love it.

UPDATE: Whoa, his is heavy, Doc! The auction was a success and generated “tens of millions” for The Michael J Fox Foundation, according to TMZ’s Harvey Levin. He also says that the bids went as high as $38,000. That’s the Power of Love. And batteries.



Rule #459: When you hide, make it somewhere the Polar Bear can’t see you. The reportedly drunk chick in the video below forgot that rule of thumb while she was being hunted by a Polar Bear in the streets of Russia.

I have no friggen idea why a Polar Bear was there, but who the heck knows what those Ruskies are up to. The girl manages to escape too much harm, thanks to the wonders of common Russian weaponry: a flying glass bottle.

Bottom line, this is why you don’t let Polar Bears drink vodka.



Friday Fun:

Um...what were we talking about again?

I love my new iPod

Wow, he's not even looking at her face. Eeeesh!

Actual footage from Obama's Job Speech

Parking is a bitch in these parts


Have a Horn-y Weekend



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