Crap you should read Wednesday (9/7)

Welcome Back, Awesomeness

 

Spy vs. Chspy:

The US got caught with its hand in the spying cookie jar, but this time it was spying on one of its biggest allies, Israel.  The secret was spilled when Shamai K. Leibowitz, an FBI translator, was arrested for spilling hundreds of pages of transcripts from a FBI wiretap in the Israeli Embassy. To be fair, Israel is known to have an extensive network of spies here in the US, but this isnt just a tit-for-tat thing. Leibowitz gave the transcripts to a blogger because:

“of concerns about Israel’s aggressive efforts to influence Congress and public opinion, and fears that Israel might strike nuclear facilities in Iran, a move he saw as potentially disastrous”

The whole affair sheds some serious light on Israel’s legitimate fear that the revolutions pouring across through the Islamic world are allowing extremists to take advantage of power vacuums. With nations like Iran screaming for Israel’s destruction, Israel is worried its headed towards all out war in the region. The US obviously felt it needed to keep an ear on the small Jewish country to make sure its itchy trigger finger is under control.

In the meantime, Leibowitz faces only 20 months in prison for sharing the transcripts, so one has to think the information within was pretty benign. Am I the only one who thinks Israel is wasting its time trying to live in a place its not wanted? Why don’t they just petition the UN for a small piece of Mexico and call it a day?

Leak offers look at US Spying efforts on Israel — NY Times

"I need you to sound more like a Jewish spy...complain a little bit."

 

Oscars get Raw:

Sherman, Sherman, Sherman…get ready because Eddie Murphy is hosting the Oscars. Producer Brett Ratner handpicked Eddie Murphy to host the Oscars because they had such a good time filming the upcoming Tower Heist together. Of course this begs the question, WTF is Brett Ratner doing producing the Oscars? Apparently they don’t want it to be any good.

Eddie is one of those rare stars that appeals to all generations equally; he can just as easily make a shitty kids movie no one will see, or a shitty adult movie no one will see. Fortunately all he needs to do is one give one of his signature laughs and he’d already be a better host than James Franco.

"I got my Oscar, and you aint got none."

 

Glad to Help Out:

The NY Times ran an interesting article about the extended “Family” of kids that come from a single sperm donor. The article says that many families like to keep tabs on other offspring from their donor, and allow their kids the opportunity to get to know their “half siblings”. Sometimes this can get a little tough as a some donors (the Brosnans and Clooneys, I’m sure) are more popular than others. In one case, a single donor is responsible for more than 150 offspring.

Is there anything immoral about this? There are rules against how many times a guy’s sperm can be used in Europe, but no such regulations exist here (they’d probably be considered job killing). This can create some interesting issues, for example, do we want one man’s seed to so heavily populate the community? What if there is some latent genetic flaw, or worse, some genetic gift like awesome hair? Its just not fair! Also, with some figures say there are 30,000-60,000 kids sprouting yearly from donated seeds, many risk running into a “sibling” in their everyday life, without even realizing it. This can obviously lead to some awkward incestuous moments…hilarity ensues.

As someone who has surprisingly never been to a sperm donation clinic, do they pay you for only the bag of magic beans or do you get rewarded by the fruit of the bean stalk as well?

Sperm Donor Families — NY Times
 

"I don't need to fill it up to the line, do I?"

 

Paying for not having Sex:

A French man has been ordered to pay his ex wife damages for lack of sex over the course of their 21 year marriage. The wife won the divorce and got the court to admit the break-up was the sole fault of the husband, but she took him back to court to sue him for 10,000 Euros. The Judge ruled:

A sexual relationship between husband and wife is the expression of affection they have for each other, and in this case it was absent….By getting married, couples agree to sharing their life and this clearly implies they will have sex with each other.

Is it me, or is this the equivalent of court ordered rape? If this was a US Court ruling, there’d be 150 million legal experts carrying a printed copy of this decision around in their wallets to force their spouse to give “it” up.

I guess the French guy’s defense of “Your Honor, look at that ugly bitch” held no sway. If it was a Jewish guy, he’d call his wife in as a witness, let her kvetch up on the stand for a few minutes, and the Judge would understand.

Frenchman ordered to pay damages for not having sex — Telegraph.uk
 

 

One Big Croc:

100 Filipino villagers were needed to drag out a 20ft, 2370 lb saltwater crocodile captured in the marshes behind their homes. The croc is the largest ever found; the previous title holder was a 17 footer in Australia. Villagers have been hunting the large croc for some time because of a few deaths in the neighborhood, but examination of contents from its pumped stomach prove its not the culprit. This means there’s another monster croc out roaming the marshes, so hide yo wife, hide yo kids.

This new behemoth is around 50 years old, and will be the main attraction of a new eco-tourism park likely to bring in 10 or 11 visitors a year. I’m sure the new digs will be ill-suited for a 20 ft creature, but crocodiles aren’t cute and a croc-version of Free Willy would be pretty boring, so don’t expect much hubbub from animal rights protesters.

Filipinos hunt 2nd killer croc after 1-ton capture — AP News

They take pictures like this when Shaq goes to the dentist in Ecuador

 

Brooks was here….so was BoBo:

Going from excitement over putting an animal in captivity, here’s a video of animals freeing themselves of the human shackles. A group of former lab Chimpanzees finally saw sunlight for the first time in 30 years.

The chimps were plucked from their moms more than 30 years ago, and brought to a lab in Austria where they were subjected to years of horrible tests, such as injection with HIV or hepatitis. Tests were ended in 1997, but the chimps were so traumatized (or as Red calls it, “institutionalized”) it took 14 years to re-introduce them to the world.

Watch the video below, and see the chimps literally smile and hug each other as they experience the wonder of the outside world for the first time.

Free lab chimps play outside for first time in 30 years — Dailymail

 

 

Have a Horn-y Hump Day

 

Follow The Ryno on Facebook and Twitter or email ryno@therynoshorn.com

2 Comments

  1. I think you should have a daily picture of Katy Perry. Its my favorite part of reading the daily news.

    • Obviously I agree with you. I’m glad I’m not the only one obsessed with her