Crap you should read Thursday (8/25)

Awesomeness

 

Apple loses Jobs:

Steve Jobs abruptly resigned from his post as CEO of Apple yesterday. With his health waning, Jobs just doesn’t feel he’s up to all the duties required anymore. He’ll remain on the Board, and named Tom Cook as his successor for CEO.

Jobs was the original market whiz behind Apple, and is widely credited with bringing Apple to its revered status it holds today. Of course he will still remain on the board and still be involved in strategy, but will the market still respect Apple when it doesn’t have its most famous and trusted Face selling the company? Will Apple’s vision still be the same with Jobs just pushing the car, not steering it?

Jobs has battled cancer since 2004, and has been visibly wasting away recently, so his departure signals that all is not well with his health. Its sad to think that one of the most influential people alive today, might not be for much longer. The Horn just wants to take this opportunity to send best wishes to Steve Jobs, the guy who gave me the love of my life, the thing I’m closest to in the world (at least that I can whip out in public) my iPhone.

"Don't worry guys, iJobs 6 will be out in spring, and will have a rear facing camera as well."

 

Qaddafi Cornered:

Tripoli — Although his exact location cannot be confirmed, Libyan Rebels believe they have Qaddafi and his sons cornered in a series of Tripoli apartment buildings. Qaddafi’s people released statements saying the Despot is alive and well in hiding, and that Tripoli is still under the control of Libya and not the rebels.

A big question floating around is, with the country in flux, who has control over Libya’s stockpile of dangerous weapons? Deadly chemical weapons like mustard gas, raw nuclear material like “yellowcake”, tens of thousands of RPGs, all were left under Qaddafi’s control by a disarmament agreement back in the day. (How you can disarm, but still have arms is another topic).

If he still has them, will the besieged Colonel use these weapons against his own people as a last stand? Will the rebels get a hold of the weapons and materials and try to use it to their advantage? Will this stuff disappear and find its way into Terrorist hands? Either way its scary shit.

More importantly, will someone please come to a consensus as to whether we use a “Q” or a “G” to spell this douchebag’s name? Do I sometimes wake up and spell my name with an “H’ in front? “Hey Hryno, nice day!” Just Die already Colonel so I don’t have to keep debating between the letters.

Who control’s Libya’s stockpiles? — The National (from the AP)

Libya’s stockpiles are a concern — AP News on MYWay

"You're telling me we had mustard gas this whole time????"

 

Russian Rocket Crashes:

A Russian Soyez Rocket, Progress, was headed to the International Space Station when crashed in Kazakhstan on Wednesday after its 3rd stage engine failed about 6 minutes after liftoff. No deaths were reported as the rocket crashed in the forest and the shit itself was unmanned, but concerns are great over exposure to  potentially harmful toxic materials around the crash site. Progress was carrying more than 3 tons of equipment and supplies to the Space Station, but those still there allegedly have enough supplies to last for a few months.

The engine failure will be investigated in great detail and could severely damage the Russian Space Program which is holding itself out as the best in the world. This incident will likely delay upcoming Soyez flights to the ISS, including America’s first hitch-hiking expedition to space.

So this was the new safe way for NASA astronauts to travel to space, huh? Good call.

Russian Rocket crashes on way to ISS — USA Today

I hope they took out insurance

 

Colts sign Collins:

Indianapolis — The Indianapolis Colts signed Kerry Collins, bringing the 38 year old QB out of retirement. This signing speaks volumes as it now appears that Peyton Manning, recovering from off-season neck surgery, is doubtful to start the season behind center. Indy opens the season with games against Houston, Cleveland and Pittsburgh, so a couple early losses can be devastating.

Peyton’s streak of 227 consecutive starts (14+ seasons) in jeopardy, but I’m confident we’ll still see his ugly mug on at least 5 commercials come opening day. Hey Fantasy owners, how are you feeling about that 2nd round pick now?

"Kerry, you don't still got any of those pills left over, do ya?"

 

The Porn Teacher:

Miami — Sean Loftis is a substitute teacher assigned to a few schools, both junior and senior highs, in the Miami area. He was highly sought after because of his Masters in Public Administration from UM. The 36 year old loved teaching so much, he went back and got his teaching credentials so he could teach full time. Unfortunately for Loftis, his previous body of work will keep him from teaching in Miami Dade.

Back in March it was “discovered” that Loftis was a porn star named “Collin O’Neal”, with his own website called “World of Men”. Loftis was fired and the Schoolboard agreed that his conduct violated their policy that all teachers “conduct themselves, both in their employment and in the community, in a manner that will reflect credit upon themselves and the school system.”

Loftis believes he was fired because people innately believe that if you’re gay, the you are naturally predisposed to molest kids, but I personally think that’s only a minor concern. His site “World of Men” is gay themed (I hope no one checks my Google Search bar). We all know that parents assume that gay teachers will teach gay-dom to their kids, and that’s exactly what happened here.

Personally I think this is bullshit, because (from my understanding of the facts) Loftis wasn’t filming the porn while he was a teacher. If his porn days were prior to his teaching days, then how did he violate the rule of conduct? Bottom line, this is why you ALWAYS check the “hobbies” section of the resume.

Porn actor teacher fired from Miami Dade schools — Miami Herald

Gay Porn or Golden Shower Fetish?

 

Man/Girl’s Best Friend:

Georgia — What do you get when Man’s best friend meets a Girl’s best friend? A $10k pile of shit.

Honey Bun likes to roam the counters of his owner, Chuck Robert’s jewelry shop and shmooz with the customers, but he may have lost that privilege. Chuck left 4 packages of loose diamonds sitting on the counter, but when he returned he found one bag torn on the floor and the contents, about 1Karat of diamonds, were missing. He also found a dog with a guilty smile. X-rays proved that Honey Bun has expensive taste, and his sparkly crap the next day brought back the diamonds as well as some earring backings.

Moral to the story? Sift through your dogs crap and you can make a fortune. Go ahead, try it.

Dog east 10k worth of diamonds — WSMV/NBC

I'm gonna go ahead and take the less brown diamond, thank you very much

 

Go Topless!

Venice — I basically hate protesters…unless of course they’re naked, so it seems I missed a helluva protest last weekend in Venice California. Go Topless Day is a time for people to band together and take their tops off to protest the inequality of “topless laws” for men and women. I’m not sure if you noticed, but men are allowed to take their shirts off anywhere, while women have to have their chests covered.

“Free your boobies, free your mind!”  “Put the ‘tit’ back in ‘Constitutional!’ ”  “Nobody likes tan lines!”

Obviously many are misinterpreting the law. We’re a capitalist country, and if tits were popping out everywhere, we’d never get any work done. Also, laws like this are in place to protect the innocent eyes of our children. We want to make sure its as difficult as possible for our kids to be subjected to indecency, you know, like the huge obstacles of turning on the TV or signing onto the intraweb.

Its hysterical how shy we Americans are, and how scared we are in our own skin. In a sign of solidarity I instituted a go-bottomless day here in the office. As soon as I hit “publish” I’m going to protest on my balcony.

Have a Horn-y Thursday…I am.

(NFSW) Go Topless Protest — Huffington Post

Guess I know where I'll be August 26, 2012...

So much cooler than the Tea Party rallies

 

Follow The Ryno on Facebook and Twitter or email ryno@therynoshorn.com