Crap you should read Wednesday (8/24)

 

It must be “The World is a Weird Place” Wednesday because today we have some truly creepy Crap….

 

Earthquake Madness:

Yesterday a rare Earthquake rocked the NorthEast, just 90 miles outside of DC in Virginia. The 5.8 magnitude quake was the strongest since 1944 and was felt in New York and all the way down into North Carolina. The East coast is generally unprepared for quakes, and DC took a bit of a hit; the Washington monument was cracked near the top of the obelisk (though not tilting like some claim) and 3 out of 4 pinnacles atop the National Cathedral came crashing down.

Not for nothin’, but this was the 2nd rare quake in 2 days, the first a 5.3 in Colorado, the strongest in a century. Unlike west coast quakes where we can determine plate shifting underneath the earth as a cause, these two quakes did not take place over fault lines, so what was the cause? Nature just having some fun, or could these have been caused by man? Fracking maybe?

In either case, one person who clearly failed Earthquake preparedness class was Torrey Smith of the Baltimore Ravens. Check out his reaction to the quake below, and keep in mind that he’s safe in an open field.

 

GOP Evolution Views:

Wonder where your candidates stand on the important issues? Well this isn’t the article for you, because this is just about where the GOP candidates applying to run what used to be the most powerful country in the world.

Rick Perry: Believes in Creationism, but the preacher says Evolution is an “ok theory” with “a lot of holes in it”.

Jon Huntsman: Call him crazy, but he believes in science and believes in Evolution.

Mitt Romney: Believes in God’s creation, but thinks evolution is what made humans what we are today.

Michele Bachmann: Strong supporter of intelligent design, and constantly fighting to get it taught in schools.

Ron Paul: The libertarian often vocally supports Creationism, and doesn’t support the theory of evolution

Rick Santorum: Very vocal and one of the biggest supporters of teaching Intelligent Design in schools instead of evolution.

Newt Gingrich: Typical Newt, he says he believes in both.

So this is either one of those things that makes you love the candidate more or scares the crap out of you. Personally, I feel that everyone is entitled to their views on God, but anyone who forces their religious views into school curriculum to counter science is a danger to our country.

Candidates views on Evolution v Creationism/Intelligent design — Huffington Post

Clarence Darrow: "WTF? Are we really still discussing this?"

 

Libya Madness:

Libyan Rebels took control of Tripoli and stormed Qaddafi’s compound earlier this week, but the “leader” was no where to be found. The great leader, who has promised to be a martyr for his people, is hiding. Rebels have put a $2million dollar bounty on his head, so let’s see just what a dollar is worth over there.

Humorously, the only person who claims to know the Despot’s location is Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, the Russian head of the World Chess Federation. No one knows if its true, but Ilyumzhinov claims Qaddafi called on Tuesday to let him know he was safe in Tripoli and will continue the fight against the rebels. Qaddafi also pressed to the Chess Chief that reports of Tripoli falling to the rebels are a mere creation of the Western media.

So, to be clear, he is safe, and in control, but the only person he can call is a Russian Chess Master. Doesn’t sound like BS at all Muammar.  Will you die already please so we can see the TV movie?

Info on Qaddafi comes from surprise Russian source — The Atlantic Wire

 

Torture, WTF?

Hamburg, Germany — A 26 year old Israeli woman was snatched off the street as part of some sick, sadistic torture plan. Thomas Fischer, 30, built his own torture chamber in his living room rigged with 8 bombs to explode when he was done with his games. Fischer practiced on a mannequin for a while to make sure everything would work, using syringes, needles and scalpels.

Fischer stalked the woman for some time, and intended to keep her for some time, but the idiot forgot to lock the torture chamber door. After a couple hours of imprisonment, the handcuffed woman unlocked the chamber door and then jumped out a window to safety. Fischer chased his newly acquired toy down the street, but she outran him and got to police. Police arrived, and the creepy Fischer was just waiting for them.

This shit only happens in Germany, am I right?

Israeli woman escapes from torture chamber in Germany – Daily Mail 

"Sweet, this thing gets Wi-Fi!"

IKEA is making the craziest shit these days

 

Oh, Mother:

Florida — Like I said, there’s a creepy theme today, and Alice Bouchard fits right in. Alice insisted that her husband Matt have sex with a 12 year old family friend that was staying with them. This wasn’t a sexual gratification thing mind you, Alice wanted Matt to impregnate the girl so the Bouchard’s could collect state benefits. Plus the girl claimed she was already sexually active, so where was the harm? WHAT???

The best laid creepy plans are for naught; the girl didn’t get pregnant, but did share that she was having sex with an adult. The Bouchard’s were arrested, and hopefully many cellmates will do their best to get Matt pregnant to collect prison benefits.

Woman encouraged husband to impregnate 12 year old for state benefits — Daily Mail

Is it obvious which one got to enjoy the sex before prison?

 

Child Abuse or Parenting?

Alaska — Jessica Beagley was convicted today for Child Abuse abuse after trying to discipline her adopted Russian child to get on the Dr. Phil show. The Beagley’s adopted Russian twin boys in 2008, and while one is fine, the other has severe behavior problems. “Normal” punishments failed, so Beagley figured the brilliantly obese Dr. Phil and his folksy remedies could help. She sent in a video of her child acting up, but the good doctor requested video of her punishing him. She had her daughter videotape her last-ditch punishment efforts such as pouring hot sauce into the boys mouth after he lied, and not letting him spit it out for minutes.

Though I’m assuming the hot sauce wasn’t pleasant, is this physical abuse worthy of imprisonment? Is this any different than washing a kid’s mouth out with soap for swearing? What should, or can, a parent do when their kid just pees on the living room floor just because? The whole thing might have been ignored if she wasn’t trying to get on Dr. Phil. That just makes it look as if shes harming her child to get on TV, rather than trying to sincerely discipline him. That would be fine if it was Kate Plus Eight, but apparently not here.

Woman encouraged husband to impregnate 12 year old for state benefits — Daily Mail

Beating your kid in private is good parenting, on TV its just dumb.

 

Really, lady?

Alice Newstead is devoted, I’ll give her that. The British Performance Artist is “hanging around” San Francisco to protest Shark Finning, the practice of cutting off the valuable fins and throwing the helpless shark back into the water.

Obviously, the best way to bring attention to this atrocity is to paint yourself blue and hang yourself from hooks. Unfortunately when I see this, I don’t think of outlawing shark finning, I think of outlawing people-hook-hanging.

Woman hangs herself from hooks to protest shark finning — Huffington Post

"Throw her back, there's plenty more red-headed freaky fish in the sea"

 

Video Game Malpractice:

Pennsylvania — Attorney Matthew Eshelman was fired from his firm in 2007 because he was neglecting his cases for video games. He then started his own firm, but Eshelman continued to feel his “video game addiction” and missed deadlines, lost track of funds and ignored calls from clients. In the end he screwed up 17 of his cases, and has now been suspended for 3 years.

Boo-yah! That’s a three year excuse to rescue the princess, get the Triforce, and save the world!

PA lawyer suspended for video game addiction — Philly.com

 

"Ok honey, we have to get back, I have a 4 o'clock Depo"

 

Have a Horn-y Humpday…

 

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