Crap you should read Tuesday (8/23)




Huntsman on the Scene:

At this moment, there is only one Republican candidate who I’d proudly call my President, and that’s ex-Utah Governor and former Ambassador to China, Jon Huntsman. He’s intelligent, witty, rational, and the only candidate who’s not extreme or pandering to his party’s extremists. Realizing that most Americans have no idea who he is or what he stands for, Huntsman basically solidified his Centrist place in the race over the weekend.

First he tweeted “To be clear. I believe in evolution and trust scientists on global warming. Call me crazy.” This one statement basically separates him from every other GOP candidate for Pres, except for Mitt Romney, who’d change his answer depending on the audience anyway. Huntsman abhors the direction his party has taken, and especially offended that Republicans are seen as a religious party that eschews science. He believes in science, and calls out the “fringe candidates” who pretend that 98% of scientists are lying.

Huntsman recognizes that the majority of the country doesn’t hang out on the “fringe”, and that Independent voters don’t want a pandering extremist (Left or Right) in the White House. It’s extremely refreshing to see someone buck his party’s extremist platform, but can it work? The last time we saw something like this was with the “maverick” John McCain in 2000, but when that failed, McCain resorted to pandering to the extreme right in 2008 and got the nomination.

As of right now, Huntsman is setting himself up as the Centrist candidate and proving he is not a Party Puppet. Such a tactic will hopefully earn credibility among independents, and woo rational Republicans and disappointed Democrats alike. Unfortunately there’s just no way a Centrist will be nominated by a party that wears “extreme” as a badge of honor. Time to go Independent, Jonny! Check out Huntsman’s ABC interview from the weekend and be seduced by his rational views and simple explanations of policy.

Huntsman leads from the Center — Washington Post


MLK Memorial:

The Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial was unveiled last weekend in Washington DC and will be officially commemorated on Sunday. The 30 foot tall granite statue designed by Lei Yixin sits majestically on DC’s tidal basin, and appears carved out of the “Mountain of Despair” that sits behind it.

The statue is beautiful, and I don’t want to nitpick, but every white guy on the National Mall gets his own full statue; why does the black guy get the the rough and unfinished one?

MLK had a dream, but it obviously didn't include black sculptors


Hurricane Warning:

Miami Hurricanes fans received more fun news yesterday when it was announced that current players are under investigation. The Canes were hoping that the illegal gifts scandal brought to light by scumbag, Nevin Shapiro, was a thing of the past, but out of the 65 players named, 15 are currently in the program. The future eligibility of those 15 current players are now under review from the school. Those players are believed to be:

…Jacory Harris, Vaughn Telemaque, Ray Ray Armstrong, Travis Benjamin, Aldarius Johnson, Marcus Forston, Olivier Vernon, Marcus Robinson, Adewale Ojomo, Dyron Dye, JoJo Nicholas and Sean Spence. Shapiro also alleged to Yahoo that he paid $10,000 to ensure basketball player DeQuan Jones signed with the Hurricanes.

A decision is expected from the University on the future of the players by the end of the week. A strong decision could go a long way in mitigating the NCAA’s eventual punishment, but with 7 of the players listed as projected starters, will UM shoot itself in the cleat and cripple its own program before the season even starts?

15 current UM players under investigation — USA Today

"I believe the expression is 'We're Fucked!' or something to that effect"


R-2 Signs On:

NASA pushed the power button on Robonaut, their robotic astronaut assistant on the International Space Station. Although it wasn’t allowed to move yet, Robonaut, or R2, powered up the systems in its stomach, kicked on its 4 camera-eyes, and checked the 30+ processors in its arms. Right now R2 is only 3’4″, has two 2’8″ long arms and weighs 330 lbs, but legs will arrive in 2013. He has four cameras for eyes, and an infrared camera in his mouth to ascertain depth and spatial recognition.

NASA and General Motors combined to create this automated wonder that will help with research, measurements, and other operations around the ISS. Eventually he’d be a full fledged member of the ISS team, but until then he’s relegated to looking cool and tweeting, kind of like Ashton Kutcher with less STDs.

NASA’s Robonaut powered up on International Space Station — USA Today

"'To be, or not to....'...damn, what's my Line?"

Hey @Johnny5...I'm in outer space. #SuckIt


More Space News:

Orbital Technologies, a Russian Space Exploration firm, released pictures of the Commercial Space Station they plan to open in 2016. The CSS is a hotel 217 miles above Earth that can accommodate 7 guests. A 5 day stay will cost nearly $1million, and visitors will be shuttled back and forth by a Russian Soyuz rocket. Orbital assumes that the CSS will mostly be used as a comfortable place for space research, but wealthy tourists are always welcome.

If not conducting tests, Guests basically wake up, eat a nice breakfast, stare out the portholes for a while, then stare back inside at the people you’re stuck staring at for 4.5 more days. Creature comforts include sleeping standing up in a bag tethered to the wall, crapping into a tube, and masturbating in zero gravity.

I’m pretty shocked at how “affordable” such a trip is. Wasn’t it just a few years ago that Russia was charging ‘NSync’s Lance Bass $20 million to hitchhike to the ISS? Now Bass can take 6 of his closest boyfriends and still save a cool $13 mil.

5 day Trip to space costs a cool million — Daily Mail

I hope they're stocked full of Immodium AD.


Transformers back in IMAX:

The Autobots and Decepticons are bringing their war back to the IMAX screen for a limited run from August 26th to September 8th. Transformers 3: The Dark Side of the Moon has earned $1.1 billion so far worldwide, with $59million coming from IMAX screens.

As J-Smitty so eloquently put it in his Synema Synopsis, See Transformers 3 in IMAX or you’re a jackass. While TF3 won’t stretch your brain, Michael Bay’s visceral orgy is basically an amusement park ride in a movie theater. Bay remembered everything James Cameron did right in Avatar, forgot everything he did wrong in Transformers 2, and made one of the most heart-pumping experiences you’ll ever be lucky enough to see.

Read Smitty’s synopsis, and see the damn movie before its gone.

See Transformers 3 in IMAX or you’re a jackass — The Ryno’s Horn

Some are bigger fans than others


Just Dance:

Team Aruba was getting spanked 16-0 by Asia-Pacific in the Little League World Series, when Coach Luigi Bergen saw his 11 year  son Vaughn crying in the dugout. “You’re coming up here,” Coach said to his kid.”Do you want to do it crying or do you want to do it happily?” Vaughn wiped his eyes and grounded out to 3rd, but damn it, he was going to have some frickin’ fun.

Vaughn was caught by ESPN cameras dancing it up like a buffoon in the outfield, but his antics changed the team Mojo. Sure Aruba only scored 3 runs to eventually lose 20-3, but in doing so they learned a great life lesson: its fun to laugh at your friend when he makes an ass out of himself.

Watch Vaughn dance it up below, and if you don’t crack a smile, go have a drink and lighten up, you jerk.

Have a Horn-y one.

Follow The Ryno on Facebook and Twitter or email