Crap you should read Thursday (8/18)

Miss me? I’m back, just been spending time with my new niece, Lyla.

Just couldn’t find the cynicism after looking into this face.

"What you lookin at, Horn-ball?"

 

Ok, I’m back now. Let’s talk some shit….

 

Cheeky Piers:

I thought former Tea Party Witch favorite Christine O’Donnell would never been seen or heard from again after she choked and lost the Delaware Senate seat, but she popped back into the news just long this week enough to embarrass herself. O’Donnell went on Piers Morgan’s show to promote her new book, but walked-off halfway through because of Piers’ questions regarding her view on same-sex marriage. Even though they’re discussed in the very book she’s promoting, Christine repeatedly called Morgan “rude” for bringing up her controversial views. She scolded Piers, saying he should only ask about what the guests want to discuss; in her case that was her life as an inspiration to others. When he persisted, she had someone block the camera, made a couple of stupid excuses and left.

Lets be honest, Christine was expecting softballs like she gets on Fox News. She would later claim that Piers couldn’t stop talking about sex, but that just made her sound more stupid. O’Donnell was correct that she’s no longer running for office, so the “issues” should be saved for the candidates, but Christine made her name as the moral authority, especially on sex — rather abstinence. For her to think she’s immune from questioning on the topic is just mor0nic.

I guess that’s to be expected from a woman who had someone else unsuccessfully block the studio camera to magically make the television audience disappear.

Watch the walk-off below…

 

Cain says ImpeachAble:

Herman Cain, is grasping at straws trying to remain relevant in the GOP Presidential race. Earlier this week he loudly suggested that President Obama should be impeached. Obama didn’t bang any staffers that we know of, so what illegal activity did he do to sully the office of the Presidency? According to Cain it’s pushing Health Care legislation and ignoring the Defense of Marriage Act which says marriage is only between a man and a woman.

Yup. Herman Cain thinks a President should be fired because he tried to give Health Care to everyone, and he tried to let love-birds marry.

Good job Herman Cain, you are the idiot of the week. You entered the race as the GOP’s “See, we’re not racist!” candidate, then gained some momentum as the Marcus Burnett to Obama’s Mike Lowrey. But now we’re all a little uncomfortable with the dialed up rhetoric of this Right Coast/Left Coast war. Tupac surely wouldn’t approve of this black-on-black Impeachment,  so although Herman thought it was heaven sent,  I guess we ain’t ready to see another black President.

Herman Cain resorts to babbling about Impeachment — Gawker

"Go back to your pizzas. I'll take the crazy reins from here."

 

Oh, Gators:

Yesterday some horrible news for Gator fans was dropped on ESPN’s “The Herd” with Colin Cowherd. Colin’s topic was the University of Miami booster debacle, and an “anonymous” caller named “Pat” phoned in to share some more damning evidence. “Pat” says that an NCAA investigation is underway regarding a HUGE Western Union check that will compeltely damn a football program from Florida. Colin assumed it was UM, but Pat finally admitted that the program belonged to the University of Florida.

Is it even true? Colin prefaced the call by saying that “Pat” was very creepy, but the last couple bits of horrible information he leaked were credible and blew up into huge stories. Assuming the Western Union check is true, this means an investigation is already underway, and likely has been for some time. This would obviously be devastating for the future of the program, but could this jeopardize any of our previous National Championships?  Is this why Urban Meyer left?

I’m sure there’s a joke in here somewhere, but I’ll leave it to my Seminole friends to figure out….

"A bunch of us at the office we're kinda hoping maybe you could shed some light on the subject. We have an envelope in our possession  for 2000 years. It's from a 'Jesus' to a 'Timothy Tebow.'"

 

Perry abuses Michael:

Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream now has Five #1 hits, tying Michael Jackson’s Bad for most #1 hits off one album. MJ might be King of Pop, but Bad was only atop the charts for 7 weeks while Perry’s Dream has ruled for the last 18 weeks. Pretty crazy that anyone can stay popular for that long in todays ADHD society. I’m thinking it has something to do with her impossibly perfect boobs.

Perry and her girls bursted onto the scene back in 2008 with “I kissed a girl, and I liked it”…which drew the following response from MJ: “How’d you get away with it?”

Calls from The Ryno to Katy Perry for comment went unanswered, as they have for the last 3 years.

Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” taking on MJ’s Bad” — MSNBC from the AP 

What was I talking about again?

 

Getting Off Easy:

Gemma Redmond is going to have some beef with whoever suggested that she and husband honeymoon in Seychelles. Sure, Gemma was enjoying the picturesque beach, but only until she heard her new husband’s blood-curling screams for help. Ian Redmond was less than a hundred feet from shore when he was attacked and mutilated by what many think was a Bull Shark. Ian’s arm was ripped off, parts of his torso were missing, and his leg was shredded. Ian was pulled back to the beach, but he didn’t survive.

I don’t mean to be cold, but it was all downhill after the honeymoon sex anyway. Gemma would have killed him slowly from the inside-out over the next 50 years, so let’s be honest, he got off kinda easy.

Bride sees shark eat groom in Seychelles — The Sun

"Guy was on his honeymoon, and now I feel sick about it. Not guilt, I just tasted some of that Vay-Ag-Ra, and my fin hasn't gone down in 2 days."

 

Oui, Wee:

Plane Peeing is cause celebre these days, and this week Has-been actor Gerard Depardieu is the latest to relieve himself mid-cabin. While the plane taxied pre-takeoff, Gerard warned the Flight Attendant that he had to piss. He was told to wait until the plane was in the air 15 minutes before the bathrooms could be unlocked. Some say Gerard was drunk, whipped out his French pee-pee and proceeded to piss right there on the floor in front of the passengers.

Gerard’s team tells a different story: The actor was sober and ok with the 15 minutes wait, but once the flight was delayed further, he couldn’t hold it. A friend gave him an empty bottle to “discreetly” pee in, but when some sprayed onto the floor, the attendants freaked out and returned the plane to the gate for cleaning.

So what’s the truth, and does it change anything? Is Gerard just a spoiled brat who gets what he wants when he wants it? Was he a guy plagued by a beligerent bladder? We’ve all been there, and that “gotta-go” feeling can be all encompissing; urine big trouble if it hits! (See what I did there?) Lets just all be thankful Gerard didn’t need to drop a Depar-Deux!

Watch Anderson Cooper lose it while trying to “report” on this story….

Desperate French actor Depardieu urinates on plane — NY Post

 

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