Crap you should read Weekend (8/12)

Awesomeness

 

Corporations are People:

Republican Presidential hopefuls have invaded Iowa this week, but it was Mitt Romney who stood out yesterday from the masses. Not in a good way. See, Republicans usually don’t take chances, so they fill their audiences with dutiful supporters to give an image that everyone loves the speaker. Unfortunately someone forgot to tell this to the Romney campaign.

Romney was heckled with actual, dare I say, questions about his policies, particularly whether or not to remove the corporate loopholes that lower their taxes. Romney’s go-to response was that if people wanted taxes raised, he is not their guy; they should vote for Obama. Romney claims he’s out to protect the people by not raising taxes, and he wouldn’t raise corporate taxes because “Corporations are people too, my friend!” Needless to say, this wasn’t met by applause by Iowans.

How out of touch is this guy? Sure, Corporations are considered a “person” for legal purposes, but that doesn’t make it so in reality. Our country’s economy is in the dumps, and he’s vocally protecting Corporations as if they were his friends and most important constituents.

You have to watch the video to see how Romney, maybe the most ‘Presidential” of the GOP bunch, handles the pressure of Improv.

Romney says “Corporations are People too, my friend” — The Slate

 

Bin Laden Rights:

There’s a movie about the Osama Bin Laden raid coming out next year. The movie has been a project of director, Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker, Point Break)  for years. It was originally a recap of the entire frutiless hunt for the al Qaeda leader, but I think the May events changed the story a little bit.

The White House gave Bigelow some pretty top-secret access to get to the bottom of the story, including access to closed-door intel sessions and even a debriefing/celebration of Seal Team 6. Some like Rep Peter King (R- NY) say the access was a little too much. King is calling for an investigation into any wrongdoing by the administration.

It’s kind of a no-brainer. The movie is slated to come out October 2012, one month before the next Presidential election. Coincidence? Nope. I’m pretty sure Obama’s gonna look like a tough-decision-making bad-ass in the movie, not bad for Election Homestretch. At the very least it will be a good reminder of the only good accomplishment Obama can rest his hat on. It’s election propaganda, and the White House has nothing to do with production. It’s pretty brilliant, and a great advantage that other candidates won’t have until Michele Bachmann’s I Caught DB Cooper hits theaters.

Peter King questioning access for Bin Laden Movie — NY Daily News

Who is this Ben Affleck they got to play me? I told them Zac Efron!

 

Barefoot Bandit: 

Colton Harris Moore might be sitting behind bars, but that didn’t stop him from inking a cool $1.3 million movie-deal. Moore, 20, is better known as the “Barefoot Bandit”, the kid who took a plane/car/boat stealing spree across 9 states and 3 countries. Moore lucked out with this 20th Century Fox deal. Even though he won’t see a dime, the $1.3 mil towards the $1.4 he owes in restitution.

It’s great that Moore is using the money to pay back those he wronged, so I hope this set a precedent for other recent criminals, such as sperm-in-her-water guy and sperm-in-her-yogurt guy…those are stories that are begging for the silver-screen treatment. Is that Oscar I smell? No, just protein.

Barefoot Bandit inks 1.3 million movie deal — MSNBC

They should get the kid from 2 & 1/2 Â Men to play him. Coincidentally, 2 & 1/2 Men is what they call play-time in Moore's cell

 

Institutionalized:

Who needs freedom? Surely not, Marvin Lane Ussery, who was caught trying to sneak BACK IN to  New Folsom Prison in Sacramento. Um…Why?

Apparently it’s not uncommon for people to sneak onto prison grounds to drop off and hide contraband, and usually ex-inmates know the lay of the land. But authorities are baffled with Ussery, 48 because he was found sneaking in after midnight with NO contraband. What was he doing?

Maybe Folsom prison ain’t that bad, maybe he missed the “Sisters”, maybe he had a map tattooed on his back and needed to bust out his brother. Personally, I just think that those Folsom Prison walls are funny. First you hate ’em, then you get used to ’em. After long enough, you depend on ’em. That’s institutionalized.

Ex-inmate arrested for sneaking back onto prison grounds — Fox 40

Brooks was here. So was Marvin

 

Horrible Bosses:

Priscilla Agosto is making some bold claims of sexual harassment against her former employer. The 23 year old lesbian claims that her 14 months with People’s Choice Realty was a living hell, particularly due to no less than seven co-workers who exposed themselves to her, rubbed their packages on her, and propositioned her (and her girlfriend) for sexual gratification. She says she reported the numerous matters to her bosses, who brushed her off. She finally quit after one employee hit her.

Odelia Berlianshik, one of her bosses (and a woman) offered this in defense of her allegations: “Who would touch her? She’s an ugly girl anyway…She made up a story because she didn’t want to work.” Sounds pretty iron-clad.

If it wasn’t for the douchiness of that defense, I would be hard pressed to believe Agosto’s story. But it was offered by a woman! Agosto wants us to believe that her female boss approved of this behavior? Plus, if it was so routinely offensive, why was she there for 14 months?! Sure, I bet male co-workers hit on her, but that’s normal. I have a problem with her allegations that multiple dongs came out and were rubbed on her. No chance. That shit doesn’t even happen at whore-houses.

I want to see this this important case go to the Supreme Court. “May it please the Court, do you see how Ugly this bitch is?”

Woman sues for sexual harassment, company’s defense is awesome – NY Daily News 

They kinda have a point....no?

 

Plane-Pissing Update:

Yesterday I told you about Robert Vietze, a dude who got wasted on a JetBlue flight, unzipped and pissed on an 11-year old girl. It’s not his fault he didn’t see the sign above the girl that said “occupied”! Get this…turns out Vietze is a Ski Champion, Olympic hopeful and is a member of he US Ski Team.

I’m sorry, did I say “is”? Whoops, I meant WAS. Veitze got the boot from the US Ski Team following the incident. Fortunately for Vietze, he’s more famous now than he’d ever be as a skier, so at least he has that going for him. When he gets older and wants to show his kids how famous he is, all he has to do is check Federal Sex Offender databases.

Kicked off US SKI TEAM for peeing on a girl — DailyMail

Rob, it's all downhill from here. Too soon?

 

Words with Friends…or ELSE!!!

Bitten by the Words with Friends bug? Check out the video Words with Friends…or ELSE! by Sean Klitzner and Toby Turner. Just a bench, a couple of iPhones, and two friends…or are they? Hilarious crap.

I was addicted to Words with Friends. It starts out as a fun game with a FRIEND over multiple sittings, and a great way to exercise your brain while on the toilet. Then it became an obsession. My innate need to complete every “Your Move” in one sitting was crippling once I’d have 12 games going. I couldn’t mentally leave the bathroom. I’d be washing my hands and hear a “bing” and contemplate sitting back down. I had to find a new bathroom app.

So watch the video below, then follow Sean Klitzner on Twitter and check out more of his videos on his YouTube Page. Funny, talented guy.

Words with Friends…or ELSE! — Youtube

 

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