Crap you should read Tuesday (8/9)

Crazy Eyes Bachmann:

Newsweek‘s latest issue is causing a stir, and its cover is a keeper. Rep. Michele Bachmann’s face terrorizes graces the cover with a headline The Queen of Rage. Conservatives are all a flutter. Never mind that if this same picture and headline was run in a conservative magazine, it would be applauded: “Yeah, take that Rage to DC! We’re angry, so are you!! Yeah!” But Newsweek is a “Liberal” and “mainstream” publication, so there’s crying.

What’s even more hysterical is the hoopla around the undoctored, un-offensive picture of the woman. You know you see it…There’s only one way to describe it: Crazy Eyes. Newsweek didn’t do anything wrong (this time), those are her eyes!!!

As far as content, this woman is terrifying and manipulative so her “supporters” hate when the truth is spilled to the un-indoctrinated masses. I do think its absurd that they put Queen of Rage on the cover, yet the inside article is called Bachmann: Tea Party Queen and doesn’t mention rage. It’s too manipulative. They should have just let the Crazy Eyes do the talking.

Conservatives are also saying this is proof of misogynistic and anti-conservative bias of the mainstream media. It is no such thing. The article doesn’t bash conservatives or women; just Bachmann. This woman is just crazy and they deserve a Pulitzer for capturing the “magic” that is her.

Bachmann: Tea Party Queen — Newsweek

If eyes are the window to your soul, she better shut the blinds before Hell rolls in


Obama’s Hip-Hop BBQ

This next little tidbit happened on Friday. I’m sorry I shelved it, but had to share it none the less. Fox News is so racist…How Racist is it?…Fox News is so racist, they actually ran a story last Friday about Obama’s 50th birthday entitled “Obama’s Hip-Hop BBQ didn’t create jobs”. Under that racist headline were 4 stock photos: Charles Barkley, Obama, Chris Rock and Jay-Z.

I’m not sure what’s the most offensive part about this. Is it…

A) The blatant racism of calling it a hip hop BBQ? B) The blatant racism of only showing pics of black attendees? C) Implying that Obama is a horrible person for having a 50th birthday party? D) That his birthday party didn’t create jobs?

(I rant on a bit further with my answers in today’s The Ryno Report)

Naturally, in trying to show how classless the Pres is by having the chutzpah to have a 50th birthday and celebrating it with Those People, they actually made it seem like a party I’m pissed I missed out on.

(Click here to read my full post, Obama’s Hip-Hop BBQ in The Ryno Report)

Obama Parties while Rome burns — Fox News

Chuck: Yeah. Barry: Awright. Chris: I made it. Jay-Z: Who the fuck are these poor muthafuckers?


Anonymous Syrian Hack:

In the midst of the horrible slaughter of the Syrian people by their own government, the hacking group Anonymous hacked the Syrian Ministry of Defense website and posted this message:

To the Syrian people: The world stands with you against the brutal regime of Bashar Al-Assad. Know that time and history are on your side – tyrants use violence because they have nothing else, and the more violent they are, the more fragile they become. We salute your determination to be non-violent in the face of the regime’s brutality, and admire your willingness to pursue justice, not mere revenge. All tyrants will fall, and thanks to your bravery Bashar Al-Assad is next.

To the Syrian military: You are responsible for protecting the Syrian people, and anyone who orders you to kill women, children, and the elderly deserves to be tried for treason. No outside enemy could do as much damage to Syria as Bashar Al-Assad has done. Defend your country – rise up against the regime!

While this is an awesome thing to do, how many of the attacked and harmed are actually clicking on the Syrian Ministry of Defense webpage?

Anonymous hacks Syrian Defense Ministry website — Atlantic Wire

Bashar Al-Assad's Hip Hop BBQ


All life is Alien?

NASA scientists say they might have proof that life on our planet was created in part by something from outer space.  A recent examination of 12 meteorites shows signs of chemicals similar to the ones that make up DNA. The other two building blocks of life are amino acids and cells that make up membrane barrier; both were found in previous meteorites.

So this means that all of the components that make up carbon-based lifeforms on earth could have come from space. And get this, it didn’t happen in only 7 days!

NASA says meteorites may prove life is alien — Daily mail

"That sy-ance is crap"



Carl Sagan was a science pimp. Seriously, he’s like the product of My Two Dads starring Neil Diamond and Albert Einstein, and even that kid would only be .7658 as suave and smart as Carl. I found the show Cosmos when I was a kid, and even though I barely understood the concepts, that crap opened my mind. Carl taught me to think bigger, and talk slower. It wasn’t until a couple years ago when I DVR’d Cosmos that I truly grasped how amazing Sagan was. This man can teach, and make it damn interesting.

I’m excited that Cosmos is coming back on air (though not until 2013) with some surprising help. Seth MacFarlane (Family Guy, American Dad) pushed Fox to back the show, this time with host, Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Tyson was just on Bill Maher’s show last weekend, and he’s fantastic. He’s smart, witty, funny, and pulled some great anecdotes out of his ass. Think of him of a love child of Billy Dee Williams and Cleveland.

Super excited for this geek fest, and even more excited that the normally brain-dead Fox is giving their viewers something smart to chew on.

Cosmos to get reboot by Seth MacFarlane and Neil DeGrasse Tyson — The Daily

Tyson and Sagan were the Herman Cain and Tim Pawlenty of their day


Vitamin Water Plus:

Santa Ana, CA — The Courts just don’t understand true love. Michael Lallana, 32, was already sentenced to 180 days in jail for his love, but now he has to pay   $27,410.80 in restitution to a former Northwest Mutual Financial Network co-worker. This co-worker says she went to sip her water one day, thought it tasted funny, and saw something floating in it. 4 months later she tasted the flavor add-on again, but this time she got all CSI and took her bottle to be tested. Turns out the added flavor crystals were Lallana’s semen.

The victim’s February statement sums up her side of the saga: “The idea that I had Mr. Lallana’s semen in my mouth, without my knowing, against my will, for his sexual pleasure, sickens me…What I experienced was not rape, but I feel it was a form of rape. I ultimately experienced sexually inflicted harm without my consent.”

So the $27k will pay back her lost wages from having to quit her job, her therapy, and the lab tests. Lallana also has to register as a sex offender since the acts were for sexual gratification.

How did the nut get in the bottle? Was it a direct deposit or a secret drop-in? Did he mix it in, or just let it settle like grenadine in a Shirley Temple? Did Lallana watch her drink it? How much are we talking about that its detectable in water? How are her taste buds so acutely tuned to the taste of semen? Most importantly, was she hot? As a fake newsman, I need to know these things.

The moral of the story: lab testing is way too reasonably priced these days to get away with anything.

Man ordered to pay $27,000 in restitution for Sperm Water — Orange County Register

The Lockout just got more interesting for Coach Spoelstra


Climbing from the Cock-Pit:

Cathay Pacific Airways is under some heat for some leaked pictures that seem to show some racy stuff taking place in the cockpit of their plane.

In the shots, you can see someone in what appears to be Cathay Pacific stewardess clothing, spreading eagle, as well as performing fellatio on the pilot. The Hong Kong based airline is ivestigating, but at the same time claiming they feel this is a hoax to portray their airline in a negative light.

Negative? I just booked a ticket!

If you think the story is awesome, the News obviously couldn’t show the details of the racy shots, so just wait until you see the “recreated” animated footage of what allegedly took place.

Have a Horn-y Tuesday.

Racy Cathay Pacific Cock-pit pictures prompt investigation — AOL



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