Crap you should read Thursday (8/4)

Bomb Collar Hoax?

Mosman, Austrailia — A strange drama unfolded Wednesday in a swank Sydney suburb, and the ending has left many baffled. Millionaire heiress, Madeleine Pulver, 18, was home when a baclava-clad intruder snuck into the mansion and placed an elaborate bomb-collar chained to her neck. He threatened he could detonate by remote, and told her she was miked up so he warned against calling the cops.

Her parents found Madeline and called the cops. The neighborhood was cleared and the Bomb Squad was called in.

"You're sending the Wolf? Shit, Negro, thats all you had to say!"

They couldn’t get the collar off, especially without fear of detonation. Nearly ten hours later they finally got it off. Turns out, there were no explosives in the collar. Why the hoax?

A note was left with specific instructions, but no ransom figure. The Sydney Morning Herald says:

The cryptic letter was signed under the name of Dirk Struan, a fictional character from a 1966 novel called “Tai-Pan” by James Clavell. The character of Dirk Struan is a 19th century businessman who goes to extreme lengths to destroy his business rival and dominate Chinese trade.

So was it a ransom plot gone awry once the cops got involved? Was it a threat for her father, William, one of the richest men in Sydney? Was it something to do with a rival destroying his business? My best guess it that it was a distraction for something more nefarious. This is where David Caruso put on his sunglasses after he says “There’s a criminal out there, and we need to make a collar.”

Bomb collar had no explosives. elaborate hoax — Dailymail

Police trying to find answers to collar-bomb placed on 18 year old daughter in parents mansion — Daily Telegraph

You might think its cute, but don't offer to give this girl a pearl necklace for some time.

 

You gotta Huckabee Kidding Me:

Gov. Mike Huckabee was has a well-intentioned line of “educational” cartoons, with the stated hope of erasing the propaganda and teaching a proper history. Unfortunately his cartoons are filled with propaganda and re-write history. Worst of all, some of the subjects are ill-suited for cartoons.

Take the one (video below) on 9/11 and the war on terror. Huckabee claims an unbiased approach, but his is a horribly racist and instigatory re-telling of history. He has al-Qaeda running around hooting and hollering “The time for Jihad is upon us! Death to the Americans!” in accented English, while waving guns around. Then it goes on to imply that George Bush defeated al Qaeda. Wow.

Why do we need to teach our kids about 9/11 in cartoon form? Do we have Holocaust puppet shows? Most kids don’t remember the buildings or life “before” it, so they aren’t dealing with the “crisis” end. They aren’t longing for the good old days. All these videos do is further inflame anti-islamic racisiom and bigotry. This is the equivalent of an afternoon when I was a kid and watched Rocky 4 back-to-back with Iron Eagle.

Huckabee cartoon attempts woeful retelling of 9/11 attacks — Rawstory

 

Oh, Newt! 

Newt Gingrich likes to brag about his Republican leading 1.2 million Twitter followers. A couple of recent studies say that only 106,055 are real, meaning 92% of his followers are fake. PeekYou, one of the groups doing the study, says that 8% is the lowest percentage of real users they have ever seen.

In case you’er wondering, fake means the user has no web presence at all, no email, no chain of tweets, etc. Profiles are usually created by marketing teams, using fake emails, etc.

Whereas Gingrich rates 8% real followers, Sarah Palin is closest with a 20% ratio of real followers, by the firm’s analysis. Mitt Romney has 26%, Michele Bachmann 28%, and Tim Pawlenty 32%.

For the record, a normal celebrity is said to have around 35% to 60% fake users. Its common practice, especially by celebrities who want to seem more popular, but one of the groups conducting the study, PeekYou, says that Newt’s 8% REAL followers are the lowest they have ever seen. They even had to double and triple check their findings because it was so ridiculous.

Of course Newt will cry ignorance, but there is a GREAT chance that his campaign paid for these fake names. While certainly not illegal, its embarrassing that politicians need to go to these lengths to pretend their popular. Maybe they should try something else, like, I don’t know, governing?  Twitter followers don’t establish credibility, if so our country would be led by a Kutcher/Sheen ticket with Rhianna as Sec of Defense, (she can take a whoopin’) and Lady Gaga as Sec of Interior (everyone’s been inside her).

This is just pure non-sense, but its perfect since you can’t believe 92% of what Newt says anyway.

Only 92% of Gingrich’s Twitter followers are fake — Gawker

"8% are real? Thats 7% higher than we thought?!?!"

 

LD Cooper :

I told you Hornballs the other day about a credible new lead for the FBI in closing the only unsolved hijacking in US History. in 1971, Dan “DB” Cooper hijacked a plane, swapped hostages for $200,000, then jumped out of the plane over Washington. He disappeared.

Recently Marla Cooper came to the Feds and told them she believes her Uncle Lynn Doyle Cooper was the infamous fugitive based on some false and suggestive memories. He went by L.D. Cooper, and even had a picture of a comic book character Dan Cooper pinned on his wall. Marla’s mom confirms that there was suspicious activity in their house around thanksgiving that year, and LD returning bloody “from a car accident”.

Marla gave the Feds a guitar strap she had of his in hopes of matching fingerprints. Unfortunately LD has been dead for a decade, so the Feds will just have to accept a token “victory” and the inevitable movie starring Tom Hanks and DB Sweeney.

DC Cooper’s ID might come from niece — ABC News

They might be his initials, but Marla is the only who kinda looks LD in this picture

 

E=MCDuh!

Some Swedish dude tried to split atoms in his kitchen. Richard Handl, 31, has been documenting the nuke-at-home experiment on his blog. Maybe it was after the meltdown on his stove, but he finally realized that this whole thing might be not be so kosher, so he sent a question to Swedish Radiation Authority. SRA shit their collective pants, and sent the cops to Handl’s house.

Handl’s being charged with unauthorized possession of nuclear material, you know mostly harmless stuff like radium, americium and uranium. I don’t know what’s more troublesome, the fact he was able to possess these materials in his home or the fact he was too dumb to realize it was illegal and shouldn’t have called the government. Maybe he was just trying to figure out how they make those little red fish so delicious!

Swedish man tries to split Atoms in kitchen — AP

"They found me. I don't know how but they found me. Run for it Marty! Who? The Sweedish Radiation Authority!"

 

Sand Dungeons:

Newport Beach — Some teenage boys were digging holes in the sand and tunnels trying to make them meet. Suddenly one of the tunnels, about 5 feet deep, collapsed and trapped Matt Mina underneath.

Worried that he might die, fall straight to China, or be lost to and raised by Crabs, beach-goers started digging frantically. Matt had no idea people were 6 feet above scurrying to help, he just knew every breath might be his last, and felt helpless under the weight of the sand.

It took about 25 minutes to reach him, but Mina was finally pulled out unconscious, but breathing. Earlier in the day he learned to avoid the dangers of Newport Beach, particularly the fire-spurts, so now he’s readying himself for the rodents of unusual size.

In any case, some dude videotaped the “rescue” and with that, I leave you on this Thursday. Have a Horn-y one.

 

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One Comment

  1. Forget Huckabee and his propaganda 9/11 cartoon (about as accurate as the 9/11 Commission Report). Don’t waste your hard-earned money, instead read a BANNED 9/11 book like “America Deceived II” by a real rebel and the “World’s Most Hated Author”, E.A. Blayre III.
    Last link (before Google Books bans it also]:
    http://www.iuniverse.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000190526