(Depressing) Signs from Dolphins Camp

Hey Coach, are those rose-colored glasses?

Owner Steven Ross told Dol-fans to expect big things, especially in regards to our league doormat offense. It’s no secret that this season is Coach Tony Sparano’s and GM Jeff Ireland’s last chance to prove they deserve their jobs. It only seemed natural to think the organization would finally have some good moves in store.

Which QB would be brought in to take over for the still-horrible Chad Henne? Who would replace Ricky and Ronnie? Would anyone be brought in to compliment Brandon Marshall?

Let’s recap some of the shattering, franchise-saving, job-deserving moves have been since the lockout ended…

Ok, now that that’s over, let’s look at what we actually got this week, besides a strong desire to root for the Eagles.


Chad Henne is possibly the worst starter not named Ray Lucas to dress for the Fins since Marino retired. The man has all the tools, but none of the game. He has no touch whatsoever. He can barely hit on a long ball. He doesn’t have a clutch bone in his body and chokes every single game away late in the 4th quarter. He is no good. Sparano benched Henne for being downright horrible last year, because he knew he couldn’t tie his fate to a kid that hasn’t grown one iota as a professional since leaving Ann Arbor.

We were led to believe QB would be the biggest upgrade of the off-season. We heard McNabb, Hasselbeck, Palmer, and Orton thrown in as possibilities. Orton looked the most realistic, but his contract was just too high to deal for.

So what did the Dolphins do? They signed an undrafted rookie in Pat Devlin, and Matt Moore who wasn’t even good enough for the Carolina Panthers. Think about that. Carolina was one of the only teams whose offense was worse than the Dolphins. The organization is high on this guy, but I think it has to be BS mainly because he was in “competition” last year with Jimmy Clausen.

Does Henne feel good that this is his competition, or does he realize how bad he is that this is actually his level of competition.

"I'm Matt Moore, you're QB. Sorry."


Running Back:

Signing Reggie Bush was the highlight of this offseason for Ireland. That’s sad enough to begin with, but the team was talking this weekend about how Reggie is capable of every-down back duties. Do they actually watch tape of players before they get them? Reggie is a dynamic and awesome athlete, but he’s made of paper. I’m surprised they didn’t figure out a way to bring in Clinton Portis too.

This is a team that has to rely on the run, and we brought in someone who hasn’t been able to handle those duties yet in his career.

The future of this position, which has been filled with fan favorites for years, is just too clouded. We don’t know if Reggie is going to hold up, and we don’t know if Daniel Thomas is a legit factor-back. Thomas is 6′, 230lbs, but will his bruiser style will work in the league like it did on Big-12 defenders? In my opinion, the worst thing he has going for him is that our management has a high opinion of him. They haven’t been so successful as of late.

Henne  prepares rookie Daniel Thomas, with his "Horrible Timing" drills.Â


Wide Reciever:

Nothing done here. Same ole, same ole. Let’s be honest, we have a serviceable corps, but our receivers will never shine until we get someone who can throw them the ball. Even so, it would have been nice to get a solid 2nd WR who demands coverage to open things up for Brandon Marshall. Maybe go after Plaxico or Ocho-Cinco, or to try to lure Santonio Holmes away from our rival. Nope. We just will continue to let B-Marshall get double covered, and let Devone Bess get destroyed in the slot.

The most exciting news to come out of camp for WRs was Marshall’s 20 minute diatribe opening up about his Borderline Personality Disorder. This is apparently the reason he has temper tantrums on the field, and scares the crap out of women and everybody he loves. Its also the reason that a knife ended up in his abdomen over the summer during a fight with his wife. He now wants to be a spokesman for the “disorder” that carries a 10% suicide rate. I wish he was the spokesman for the Foundation of Superstar WRs but I guess we take what we’re given.

Marshall claims he’s spent more than $60,000 on  treatment for his disorder, but I wonder how much of that was spent on knife-removal.

Plenty to be excited about here.

Nice shirt. Is it NFL Breast Cancer Awareness time already?


Offensive Line:

Sparano announced that Jake Long, still recovering from off-season surgery, has been placed on the Physical Unable to Perform list. Sparano says he’s confident Long will be ready to go by the season opener against the Patriots, but this means he won’t be playing much before then. The O-Line is all about timing and chemistry, and that’s been severely lacking on this  squad for years.

Even more troubling news is that rookie Mike Pouncey (Go Gata) was taking snaps with 1st team this weekend. At Center. For those of you that aren’t entrenched in Gator football, you have to know that Pouncey, while an amazing Guard, is no where near the Center that his brother Maurkice Pouncey (Pittsburgh) is.

Pouncey, and his horrible QB John Brantley, destroyed the 2010 Gators with more fumbles than you would accept from your Pee-Wee league team. Although Brantley is horrible, there is no way all the fumbles were his fault. Pouncey just never seemed to be able to snap and block properly. I hoped he was drafted as a Guard, but once again Ireland and Sparano demonstrated they never watch film on the players they pick.

Camp isn’t fun anymore. The Lockout was less depressing that this.

No you're not racist; they're twins. We got the one on the right.


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  1. we gonna be good

  2. Favre’s Penis is looking for segment on Deco Drive.