Crap you should read Monday (8/1)

Debt Deal Reached

President Obama announced Sunday that a bi-partisan and bicameral group of top lawmakers agreed upon a deal to raise the debt ceiling in exchange for drastic cuts in spending. Obama called on both houses of Congress to vote ASAP to avoid defaulting on our payments and destroying our economy. The deal is all spending cuts, but no raising revenue. It calls for $2.4 trillion in cuts over 10 years: $900 billion of the cuts have already been determined, and a special congressional committee will decide on the next $1.5 trillion. The cuts have to be underway by December 23.

Even though Democrats are furious, the deal will easily pass the Senate. The House of Reps is another story given the recent history of House Republicans doing whatever it takes to destroy our country and blame it on the president. Their tactics worked so far, as they got Obama to endorse this plan does not eliminate the Bush Tax Cuts for the wealthiest 2%, which means the Democrats got nothing out of this joke of a “compromise”.

The debt ceiling was going to be raised anyway (if not, there would have been a Depression) so Obama once again led us down a path governed by the policy of giving into the demands of loud House Republicans. One small sect of one of the 3 branches of government is running our country. It’s another embarrassing travesty of governing by the Obama White House. Hard to be excited that a deal was reached in this manner.

Top Lawmakers reach deal on debt ceiling and budget cuts — Reuters

Lawmakers decide how to enforce budget cuts — Reuters

"My bad"

 

Space-X eyes Nov 30 Launch:

Space-X, the California based company with the space-taxi program backed by the US government and private investors, has targeted Novermber 30th for its next “test launch”. The test launch will take the Space-X Dragon capsule all the way to the International Space Station to drop off some cargo, and then return safely back to earth.

Space-X is currently making the capsule human-ready, which makes me think they might want to test this thing a couple more times with a monkey, dog, or Carrot Top, before sending real people inside. I can’t imagine signing up to be the first human to strap into this capsule sitting atop a big-ass rocket.

Although it looks like R2-D2 in the pic below, it looks like a menacing kite when its solar paneled wings are unfurled. But, this is the face of American space exploration for a while, so embrace it like you would any scrotum-shaped vehicle of your dreams.

Space-X eyes November 30th Launch to Space Station — Reuters

 

Space Program killed environment:

Cape Canaveral is facing some serious problems now that Kennedy Space Center has lost the space shuttle program, but the environment is breathing a sigh of relief. 50 years of launches have destroyed the environment. NASA will spend almost $100 million over 30 years to clean-up Kennedy Space Center, and another $50 million cleaning up Cape Canaveral.

This isn’t anything new as NASA has already spent $128million since 1989 to clean up the after effects of the launches. They’ve known for some time that harmful chemicals have been forced into the ground at tremendous speeds, fallout spreads far, and the effects are felt over an area of 2 square miles.

No one drinks the water at KSC because the pollution has seeped as far as 90 feet deep into the soil. Of the 267 contamination sites listed, only 141 have been cleaned up. The rest are gonna take a “minute”.

NASA Environmental Clean-up — USA Today

Did they at one time think this was GOOD for the environment?

 

Catching DB Cooper?

The FBI is bragging that it has its “most promising lead to date” in solving the only unsolved hijacking in American history. They claim they have new evidence pointing to a strong suspect who might actually be the infamous D.B. Cooper. Of course, they’ve had over 1000 suspects in the last 40 years, but this one feels really good. They are currently matching prints and DNA to items (cigarette butts, parachute) found from the original crime.

Quick recap, in November 1971, Cooper boarded a Northwest flight from Portland to Seattle. He ordered a whiskey, smoked a cig, and passed a note to the flight attendant that said: ‘I HAVE A BOMB IN MY BRIEFCASE. I WILL USE IT IF NECESSARY. I WANT YOU TO SIT NEXT TO ME. YOU ARE BEING HIJACKED.’ He demanded $200,000 and four parachutes, and said he’d let 36 people leave the plane when it landed in Seattle. The FBI swapped and the plane took off towards Mexico. Then somewhere over the mountains of southwestern Washington, Cooper jumped from the plane and disappeared into night with the $200k.

This caper has captivated the nation, as well as the Feds for 40 years. To catch him now would TOTALLY make up for 40 years of investigating with your pants down.

FBI closer to catching DB Cooper? — Dailymail 

DB Cooper, master of disguise

 

Medical Marijuana for Dogs:

A Seattle lab is developing a medical marijuana patch for dogs. They claim that dogs suffer from pain and depression as well, and this holistic treatment is much better than a chemical treatment that can severely harm internal organs. Of course, this will require further legalization to cover animals, as well as some fun testing stages. They also don’t mention that its much nicer than blowing the smoke in Cujo’s ear.

Its also obvious that this will patch will be used by the owners as much as the dogs. A weed patch sounds like a wonderful invention, but its only a matter of time that dog and owner will be patchin-up and eating off the floor together.

I’m not sure who’s more excited, the dogs, the owners, or IAMS.

Seattle Company designs weed patch for dogs – WALB News, Seattle

"Fetch your own damn slippers."

 

Olivia Wilde’s Fake boobs:

No she didn’t get implants, but Olivia Wilde let the secret slip that her nudity in the upcoming comedy The Change Up is CGI. That’s right, she wore pasties, and animators drew on her nipples.

I cried a little when I heard, then I ranted in this week’s Ryno Report.

It’s tough to have a Horn-y Monday in the face of such news, but lets Horn on…

The Ryno Report: Saving Ryan’s Privates: Protect our Nipples

 

Follow The Ryno on Facebook and Twitter or email ryno@therynoshorn.com