Crap you should read Thursday (7/28)

Got Bush?:

Say goodbye to Ricky and Ronnie. Now we got Reggie and Danny. The Miami Dolphins finalized a deal with the New Orleans Saints to put Reggie Bush in aqua and orange. The Fins added Bush for some flash to pair with rookie powerback Danny Thomas.

The Fins are rumored to have given the Saints a late pick, and had to rework Bush’s contract. He’s now expected to get almost $9.75 million over two years, short of the $11 mil or so he was set to get from New Orleans. Sure Reggie won a Super Bowl, but Bush his NFL career never lived up the hype that surrounded the Heisman Winner and NCAA Champion. Maybe since he had to give both those back, he’ll be less burdened.

In five seasons with the Saints, Bush ran for 2,090 yards on 524 carries, and caught 294 passes for 2,142 yards. He scored a total of 29 touchdowns.

The big knock on Bush is he’s made of paper. Bush hasn’t played a complete season since his rookie year in 2006, and last year he broke his right fibula and only rushed for 150 yards  in eight games. He also tore his PCL in 2007 and his meniscus in 2008.

This is such a Dolphin pick-up, by that I mean we’ll bitch about him all year long, then suck his dick after he returns a kick-off for a TD, then hate him again a week later. Sure its cool to say Bush over and over, but can Reg get back to the Kardashian pinnacle? One thing you CAN bet on: This guy will certainly be galavanting around in the LeBron mobile. White women beware.

I hope your new teammates repay you for this, showboat

 

Sucks to be him:

It should have been such a sweet story; jock dates cheerleader, they get happily married, have 4 kids, yada-yada. Problem is Frank Rodriguez was 19 years old when he started dating Nikki…and she was 15. Even though both were in highschool, the age difference disgusted Nikki’s mom. She took Nikki to the police station so the cops could tell her it was wrong. Problem is, Texas’ age of consent is 17, and cops just don’t hand out warnings for this kind of thing. Frank was arrested and charged with stautory rape. He pled out, but has been listed as a sex offender ever since.

As a sex offender, Frank had to move out of his house because he couldn’t legally be around his younger sister. He couldn’t be in public places around kids, and of course he had to avoid Nikki. Sometime later, they reconnected, got married, and had a child. Frank lived illegally under the same roof with his child until his probation ended. To this day, he is still forced to be on the sexual offender registry, which means he can’t vote, coach his children’s sports, and has to endure the constant whispers and funny looks.

There are three things at play here. One is that Nikki’s mom tried to take a parenting shortcut, and ruined a Nick’s life. Cops are not a parenting tool. The second is that its absurd for kids in the same school to not allowed to be intimate together. You lock hormone-infused kids in the same building for years, shit is going to happen. The third is that the law needs to account for a situation like this.

I used to work in Criminal defense, and this type of situation happens more than you think. Young men are turned into sexual offenders for dating younger girls. I’m not talking Jr High, Im talking highschool. People like Frank never harmed anyone; he and the “victim” have led a harmless, love-ful life. Who did he “offend’ and why should his life be punished? I’m not saying steps shouldn’t be taken to avoid young women (or boys) from being taken advantage of, but after all these years, isnt there enough proof that NO ONE was harmed?

I’m juss saying, because its time to get my, I mean Frank’s name off that list.

Man labeled sex offender for sleeping with his own wife  — MSNBC

Sexual Offending Members Only

 

Loreal Magic is Illegal:

The UK is pulling a series of Loreal ads for false advertising. It seems that Loreal went a little too heavy on the airbrush for a Lancome ad with Julia Roberts and a Maybeline ad with Christy Turlington, and the Brits are pissed off about it. The UK is cracking down on shit like this saying its intentionally misleading customers. In this case they say there’s no way their product could make the Pretty aging Woman look like the flawless teenager she does in the ads. After all, she’s not Cinda-fuckin-rella!

No word yet if the UK is making it illegal for consumers to be so friggin stupid that they need such protection. This wasn’t a before/after picture where they lied about results, this is just a picture of a beautiful woman. Ads like this are artwork designed to be attractive. If the background was of outerspace, would they pull the ad because Loreal cant make you go to infinity and beyond?

The big loser here: Julia Roberts, whose wrinkly skin is now the subject of debate.

Loreal ads of Julia Roberts and Christy Turlington pulled for being too airbrushed — Shine on Yahoo

Julia Ghoulia!!!

 

You’re doing what?

I love b0obs, ergo I am never going to Cameroon. Cameroon has 200 different ethnic groups, yet all of them practice Breast Ironing. 1 in 4 women in Cameroon has been subjected to the practice. Breast ironing is a tactic where hot rods or stones are routinely pressed against the chest to keep boobs from growing. Its used by mothers who want to make their daughters less appealing to men, and hopefully put off pregnancy for years.

Sure Cameroon has a teenage pregnancy epidemic, but one would think that talking with, and educating your children would be more effective than torture and physical mutilation. Or maybe a Chastity belt; or maybe dress her like Amy Winehouse (too soon?). Obviously its not our place to judge another culture’s “customs”, but this isn’t a religious thing. This is torture with the intent to make people less attractive.

Its time that the Save-the-Boobs foundation makes a stand to protect these women. For just the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can pledge your support and maybe purchase a Cameroonian Chick. Some might call that human trafficking, I just call it another philanthropic day; kind of like Oskar Schindler if he liked busty Jews.

Cameroon Breast Ironing — CNN

Phew. Thank you, Kelly Brook

 

Drops of Jupiter:

You know the Ryno loves him some NASA news. The Agency is making final preparations for next week’s Juno launch which will take a probe to Jupiter. The $1.1billion spacecraft will be launched atop an Atlas V-551 rocket and will head to Jupiter to investigate the gaseous atmosphere of planet that’s 1300 times larger than Earth, and hopefully unlock clues to the formation of the universe.

Juno is the first solar powered spacecraft, as others such as Galileo (which also toured Jupiter) ran on nuclear fuel. Juno will spend two years circling the inner rings of our solar system before slingshotting off of Earth’s gravitational pull towards Jupiter. By the time it reaches Jupiter in 2016, it will have traveled more than 400 million miles.

While cool and all, its not like we’re landing on the planet, so there isn’t anything too noteworthy of the mission. NASA is just trying to show that it can still do cool things even without a space shuttle, but there definitely won’t be a Michael Bay movie about this mission any time soon.

NASA readies for Jupiter mission — CNN

I know money is short, but why does NASA look like an IKEA showroom?

 

 

Debt Ceiling Rap

Check out this pretty funny Rap by comedian Remy Munasifi called Raise the Debt Ceiling. Munasifi is like Ali G meets a Libertarian Andy Samberg.

Actually listen to the words and its some pretty clever shit. It also might be the one and only time you hear “quantitative statutory budget restraints” in song form.

Have a Horny one…

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