Crap you should read Tuesday (7/12)

CIA sets up elaborate vaccination operation to catch Bin Laden. TF3 not allowed in China. Rhino’s Horn Kingpin arrested. Kids Reaction to meeting first gay couple. Brook Mueller back on crack. Dude shoots himself. Guy falls off roof while proposing.

 

Pissing off Pakistan:

The CIA set up an elaborate hoax to confirm that Osama bin Laden was in Abbottabad. They set up an elaborate vaccination cover to try to get DNA from people in the compound to see if it matched DNA from bin Laden’s sister obtained in 2009. To pull it off they recruited a Boesky, a Jim Brown, a Miss Daisy, two Jethro’s, a Leon Spinx, not to mention the biggest Ella Fitzgerald ever, Shakil Afridi, a senior Pakistani doctor, and they actually gave out free vaccines. They started in a neighboring town to build credibility, then made their way to Abbottabad.

There’s no definitive answer if the mission was successful, but it shows the great lengths we were going through to find this bastard.

The shitty part? Dr. Shakil Afridi was arrested by Pakistani Intelligence (ISI) for cooperating with American Intelligence in the operation. This is just another example of Pakistan punishing people who tried to catch bin Laden rather than hunting down those that helped him survive in their country for years. The kinda humorous part? They administered the first part of a 3 part vaccine. Those Pakistani kids are going to be waiting for the next part of their treatment for a while, just like myself when they ended A.L.F. with a “to be continued…” but never had another episode.

CIA staged fake vaccinations to try to get Bin Laden DNA — The Guardian

"Did someone call for a doctor?"

 

Communism doesn’t Transform

Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon has grossed an impressive half -billion dollars worldwide, but people aren’t seeing it in China. It has nothing to do with boycotting on behalf of Megan Fox, but rather that China isn’t letting the Autobots and Decepticons battle it out in Chinese Theaters.

Right now China is only allowing ONE movie to play in ALL of its movie theaters, The Beginning of the Great Revival. The movie is pure Communist Party propaganda celebrating 90 years of Communist Love with historical figures portrayed by the country’s top actors and heartthrobs. CNN says:

[Beginning of the Great Revival] describes the party’s influence as having led China down a glorious path of ethnic independence, liberation, national wealth and strength. No mention of the Great Leap Forward, the famine, the Cultural Revolution, or, of course, Tiananmen Square. The Chinese Communist Party has made sure that this movie will be seen by its people. It’s released Beginning of the Great Revival in more than 6,000 theaters accompanied with massive publicity.

Of course it sounds absurd to us, but this is standard-operating-procedure in China where the government strictly controls everything their people see. They usually only let in about 20 foreign movies a year, and they’re all censored before they hit the screen. The Chinese government only gives producers back 20% of the ticket sales (less than anywhere else in the world), but with over a billion people, (CNN says China is building two theaters a day) Bay and Spielberg probably still want in.

Transformers can’t bust into China because of communist propaganda film– China

"Screw this. Autobots, roll out. Iron Giant is playing back at the hotel."

 

Rhino Horn Kingpin Caught:

Have no fear hornballs, I am not in prison. Instead justice has been brought to my beautiful horny brethren now that Chumlong Lemtongthai, a kingpin of Rhinoceros poaching was arrested in Johannesburg after a year long investigation. Poaching has been on the rise in South Africa, with more than 300 rhinos illegally slaughtered last year for their valuable horns used for medicines and luxury items. Fortunately, authorities have been increasing attention on the industry, even busting horn-poaching rings as far as Ireland.

According to the BBC:

Mr Lemtongthai allegedly obtained trophy hunting permits and used them to organise illegal poaching expeditions – he would then buy back the horns from the hunters for an average of 65,000 rand ($9,700; £6,034) per kilogram and export them, officials say.

I just hope Johannesburg Courts use the old eye-for-an-eye, or horn-for-a-horn method of justice for Lemongthai, who then surely wouldn’t be Chum-LONG anymore.

Rhino Horn Kingpin in South African Court — BBC

Seeing this gives me John Wayne Bobbitt flashbacks

 

You’re Much Alike!

It’s not really a tough concept, but even a kid understands that gay people can love one another too. Although I have no idea why no one thought it was creepy that these guys have the kid cornered in a bathroom, its cute to hear how how goes through the thought process to appreciate of a husband and a husband.

Did the kid turn gay? No, not yet anyway. He gets that two people, who are “much alike” love one another and thats it. Then he invites them to play ping pong.

Kid’s reaction to first gay couple — Youtube

 

Charlie Sheen’s Ex on Crack…Again:

Can you imagine that Charlie Sheen might be the saner parent in his children’s lives?

Crazy ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, was caught walking around town holding a home-made tinfoil crackpipe. Somehow thru her haze, she noticed she was being photographed, and took off running down the block. Sure it looked suspicious, but hey, maybe she just suddenly needed to drop a monster deuce. Nah, it’s the crack pipe.

Mueller has been in and out of rehab 16 times, yet somehow a judge recently awarded her Charlie Sheen’s garnished wages, even though he’s been “responsible” never missed a child support payment. He gives them plenty of money, yet this crackhead convinced the court that she needed to protect the money “for the kids”. I think she calls her crack pipe “the kids.” One would think this would screw her in the eyes of the court, but she and Sheen agreed in custody docs NOT to be drug tested. You don’t say!
Hey Brooke, maybe the 17th time is a charm.

Brooke Mueller back on crack? — TMZ

Crackhead, they're called pockets. Look into 'em.

 

Beautifully Ironic Moment of the Day:

Derek “Tex” Grebner is a moron gun enthusiast who posts NRA-loving videos on his Youtube channel. Now he’s is an accidental advocate for gun safety thanks to God’s sense of humor.

Tex was showing how he can shoot a target from point blank range with his Kimber Pro Carry II .45. Instead he shot himself in the leg while trying to draw, then curses his ass off in pain. Rather than just erase the idiocy off the tap, Grebner reminds viewers to support the NRA to protect their gun rights. He also reminds us that evolution is a wonderful thing.

I Just F***ing Shot Myself — Youtube

 

Guy falls off roof, into marriage

A guy was proposing to his girlfriend during a small roof party. He climbs up on the ledge to make the announcement, then falls off the side. His fiance shits her pants, but instead of seeing a spattered body, sees the actual proposal.

I guess it’s really sweet, but I’m guessing for the anniversary he switches it up and pushes her off the roof, sans airbag.

Craziest Marriage Proposal — Youtube

 

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3 Comments

  1. The real question to ask Brooke is: “Why the hell do you like the Maple Leafs?? They haven’t been relevant since Pat Quinn ran the show.”

    • I think the Crack pipe answers that question Mullin

  2. She better watch that lighter, Mr.Horn has a fetish for stealin lighters…. And virginities! Chomo!!!!!!