NBA Lockout Madness

NBA Lockout Begins:


So the NBA lockout officially began at midnight when the owners and players couldn’t come to a deal. This was no surprise as both sides are ridiculously far apart right now. The league says that its owners are collectively losing $370 million a year, and the small market teams are unable to be competitive while losing money. Owners hope to eliminate guaranteed contracts, because they’re sick of paying for players who don’t play anymore.

Owners also want a “hard cap” which means capping Player salaries at a much lower percentage of league revenue. Such a move would mean an overall league-wide reduction in salary, almost $750 million a year.

The players refuse to go along with this plan because they think the Owners are full of shit when it comes to the financial “losses.”  They point to the shady accounting provided by the Owners which inflate losses on paper when profits are actually still made.

Sorry owners…the Players claim have merit.

"Where's Chris? Shit I think they locked him inside!"

Leaked documents clearly show that Owners are penalizing the players and trying to make them pay for getting older. Owners say that their players (human beings) depreciate in value over the years, so they put a dollar amount on this depreciation to help balance their balance sheets. This is legal accounting, but only with balance sheets. Just because they call these “losses” on paper, that doesn’t mean they are real financial losses that should cut into profits. How can they look at a human being across from them at the table and tell them their fake “value” is depreciating, so they should fork over more money to cover the fake loss? Wow.

The other thing pissing off the Players is that many Owners are trying to shift the cost of buying the teams originally to the players. They insist on that the interest they pay on the money they purchased the team with, is a financial “loss” to be transferred to team books. They take this interest, divide it up over a few years, and call this a loss. They didn’t lose anything!?! This is a personal expense for the Owners, not an operating expense, but they want the Players to pay for the money the rich guy bought the team with. Wow again.

Players also say the “competitive small market teams” argument is weak, as this could be fixed by better revenue sharing among owners, and doesn’t have to be paid for by the players. They also point to the fact that many team owners also own the arenas they play in, and aren’t counting those profits as part of team profits.

Stern, you're the most powerful Jew in the country, I'm sure you know better lawyers and accountants."

Unlike the NFL, the NBA Owners and Players welcome a lockout. Not only because both sides are so far apart, but NBA players had a kick-ass Collective Baragaing Agreement that gave them all sorts of protections not found in other professional leagues. The League wants to eliminate most of the things beneficial to players because, well, Owners obviously want more money. That’s what they do.

What will players do? Where will Charles Barkley get drunk and pick up prostitutes? Where can Kobe go to break up his teammates and their fiances? Where can LeBron go to disappoint people? Where can Ron Artest Metta World Peace wear his new jersey? WTF will Spike Lee do now?

Fans, it’s gonna be a long off-season so just get ready to Rock out with your Lockout.

 

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