Crap you should read Thursday (6/30)

Timberlake bringing Myspace back:

Newscorp sold Myspace for $35million to Specific Media, a group involving Justin Timberlake. Its an end to a bad ordeal for Newscorp who bought the social networking site in 2005 for a whopping $580 million. I need to check my math, but I think they lost a shitload.

Timberlake will be “Creative Director” and set the creative strategy for the social site that led the pack before Facebook took over the world. Apparently, in between making movies, not singing anymore, and pretending that Cameron Diaz is still attractive, Timberlake really wants to see Myspace brought back into the realm of relevance:

“Art is inspired by people and vice versa, so there’s a natural social component to entertainment. I’m excited to help revitalize MySpace by using its social media platform to bring artists and fans together in one community.”

Ok, so maybe a great, cheap purchase to bring together artists and their fans…or maybe a great cheap purchase of personal information on 70 million users for advertising purposes. Either way, I’m sure Tom is excited Justin will bring the sexy back to his space.

Justin Timberlake joining Myspace — Huffington Post

Newscorp sells Myspace for 35 million — Reuters

"I just got off the phone with The Ryno, and he thinks he can get us 6, maybe 7 readers!"

 

Hacking al Qaeda:

Hackers have been wreaking havoc on al Qaeda’s network over the last couple of days. The culprits are unknown, but as I said recently, hacking is the “In” thing to do these days, but I always assume there’s someone pulling the strings. Who’s backing these guys? Some kids, or is it government sponsored?

The UK admitted that a year ago it hacked al Qaeda’s network, and in particular toyed with al Qaeda’s English speaking magazine “Inspire”; when readers clicked on an article on “how to build a bomb in your mom’s kitchen” terrorists got recipes for cupcakes. Awesome.

This latest attack will have the terrorist network’s network out of whack for a few more days still, which is going to really hurt the smartphone sales of Wars with Friends and Really, Really Angry Birds.

Hackers take out Al Qaeda network — MSNBC

"No, Tuesday is too late! You need to come out today, I have a manifesto due in the morning! Put your manager on, please"

 

Jacko the Drug Pimp:

Aaron Carter “opened up” to OK Magazine in hope of getting his name in the news clearing the air about his relationship with Michael Jackson when he was younger.

“I never talked about it… This is the first time. I do… I miss Michael… I have spent such incredible times with him. I did things with him that nobody else did… But I was also troubled about what he did to me..Yes, he gave me wine. I mean, I could have refused, but I was 15…He gave me cocaine. I felt weird about that and other stuff…We spoke afterwards, hours and hours, on the phone. I admired Michael, but his behavior bothered me a lot. Then my mother called the police…”

I think its great that Carter had to come out and admit this now. On the 2 year anniversary of MJ’s death. Not that I don’t believe the kid, I do, but dude, was this not pressing on a date that wasn’t an anniversary? So lame to try to get the most press out of something very personal. It cheapens it.

Anyway, is anyone surprised? I know its not all Black or White, but the media has been especially kind to the King of Poppin bottles for kids since his passing; it’s been as if we forgot all the horrible things this Smooth Criminal was accused of just because he died. I don’t believe every accusation thrown at MJ over the years, but there have been too many stories to Beat It and completely disregard them all. MJ fucked up some kiddie lives, all because he lost out on his kiddie life.

My Horny readers know I have a particular bug up my ass for Grown Men who prey on teenagers with drugs and alcohol, so when I look at the Man in the Mirror, I certainly can’t let Michael off the hook just because he can slide backwards on the dance floor.

Michael Jackson gave Aaron Carter drugs when he was 15 — OK Magazine

"Hey you down there in the 2nd row...are those OshKosh B'Gosh jeans you're wearing?"

 

The Dead Pool:

A Falls River, Massachusetts woman was found dead after floating in a public pool for 2 days. 36 year old Marie Joseph was watching her neighbors’ 9 year old son for a day at the pool. She slid down the water slide behind, hit him, and then never came back up. The boy allegedly told lifeguards what happened, but they did nothing.

Joseph was never reported missing (not sure how the kid got home or why he didn’t tell anyone after), the lifeguards never noticed her at any point, and her corpse floated amongst city patrons for 2 full days. It wasn’t until some kids jumped the fence for a little night swim, that she was finally discovered. Her wallet, cell phone, etc were also found at the pool. Is it more unbelievable that she was floating for two days among kids and patrons, or that her shit wasn’t stolen?

Investigations are underway to determine just how in the hell this could happen. Massachusetts has closed all 30 of the state pools in their investigation, but can you really investigate human idiocy? This was a dead body floating, how did the lifeguards not notice to jump in a save the woman floating in the pool? They don’t check the pool before they close it? “Oh no, Marie’s ok, shes been doing that for days. Such a jokester.”

Maybe over the course of 2 days they could have saved her; I heard the first 48 hours are the most important.

 

"Weekend at Bernies: Falls River" just doesn't seem plausible

Scuba Dying:

In scary-way-to-die news, 16 year old Kevin Piper Jr was scuba diving about 120 feet below when his tank suddenly ran out of oxygen. Piper darted to the surface, but his ascent was too quick. Piper passed out and  died as a result of decompression sickness, or the Bends.

Police are investigating because the levels in the tank should not have been that low. Did someone really kill this kid, or will this just be the horror story told to divers to remember to check their gauges?

Kid dies scuba diving after tank runs out of air — MSNBC

And Scary Posters put nightmares in kids' brains

 

Princess Di Pics:

Newsweek “celebrated” what would have been Princess Diana’s 50th birthday in a creepy way. The magazine doctored photo to make it appear that the former Princess was 50, and alive today walking alongside what would have been her daughter in law, Princess Kate.

This is just plain old creepy, and blatant sensationalism using the deceased to sell magazines. So gross. Its like when some online creep posts Megan Fox’s head onto some naked body. I will still use said pic as “motivation” but I just feel weird about it.

Newsweek makes doctors weird pics of Princess Diana — Fox News

She's rolling over in her grave...if she saw the hat they put on her

 

Cirque du First Pitch

Talk about a “wild” pitch. This Cirque du Soleil performer does some shit on a mound that makes Dontrelle Willis look like a pussy. Take a look.

Cirque du Soleil performer throws out Wild first pitch — Sports Break


Cirque Du Soleil Performer Throws Out Wild First Pitch – Watch more Sports

 

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3 Comments

  1. We don’t swim in your toilet so please don’t die in our pool.

  2. Lets hope JT is better at creative director then he was in Bad Teacher….

  3. Pretty sure that’s a balk.