Crap you should read Wednesday (6/29)

Kabul Hotel Attacked:

Taliban insurgents raided the Inter-Continental Hotel in Kabul Tuesday night, heavily armed with RPGs and other weapons.  It started when a suicide car blew up at the hotel entrance, then 8 of Taliban’s not so finest stormed the downstairs restaurant and blew some shit up (possibly themselves, its unclear). A couple of the Talis then took up defensive positions on the roof and engaged in a 4 hour standoff with Kabul cops.

Then NATO choppers got there and took out the 3 rooftop gunman. There were some rooftop explosions, so it looks like the bullets detonated suicide bomb-vests they were wearing. I want to root and say something cool about how James Cameron that would have probably looked like, but 18 people were injured and up to 10 civilians died, so….yeah. Hours after the engagement ended, one straggler insurgent, who had been hiding somewhere in the hotel, detonated his suicide vest and caused some more havoc.

This all happened on the eve of a conference where NATO was discussing which cities were safe enough to transfer control to the Afghanistan government. Kabul was on that list. Little second guessing going on now?

NATO strike kills hotel gunman — USA Today

Attack on Kabul hotel ended by NATO airstrike — CNN

Led Zepplin laser light shows are different in Kabul

#Winning Hurts:

Its been an interesting week for Charlie Sheen. First the last of his Goddesses, Natalie ‘Natty Baby’ Kenly, left him. Probably had something to do with him being creepy to look at while sleeping. Then Chuck “Warlock” Lorre, 2.5 Men producer, added salt to the wound when he leaked that the show was going to officially kill off Sheen’s “Charlie Harper”, that way it would guarantee Sheen could never collect a new check from his old cash cow again.

Things seems momentarily brighter when news broke that Sheen was about to sign a deal for a new sitcom playing a carbon copy of his 2.5 Men avatar, only raunchier because it would be on cable. Do we even need to ask what the new character’s name is? Alas, no need to wonder; we won’t see another “Charlie” on TV this season as all the other parties denied that such a deal was in place. Basically this means that Sheen’s camp floated the rumor to try to build positive buzz for their pitch and backfired. Whoops!

To make matters worse for Ricky Vaughn, LA Superior Court Judge ruled that Warner Bros must garner $55,000 of Sheen’s wages from his 2.5 Men royalties to pay for his child support. To  be clear, Sheen has never missed a child support payment, but crazy ex-wife Brook Mueller, told the court she was worried he’d squander his money otherwise. Now she’s insisting the Court rule that the money be paid directly to her, rather than a trust. Obvious intentions much?

She’s probably right that there’s a good chance he’s gonna bankrupt himself before he dies, but the Judge’s ruling is bullshit. Sheen did nothing wrong in regards to alimony. If they are going to take this man’s money, put it in a trust or something for the kids. Sheen’s money is not Mueller’s money anymore. Get a job, lady. Get out of the picture so we can just watch this guy finish melting down Winning.

Charlie Sheen in bidding war for new show — Radar Online

Sheen buzz shot down for now — USA Today

Sheen’s wages garnished by Mueller for custody — Today on NBC

"No, Your Honor. I'm fine."


Tracy Morgan Offends:

Tracy Morgan returned to the stage and has pissed more people off. Last time he said horrible things about homosexuals. This time he made jokes about cripples and retarded children. Why do people care?

Better yet, why are they even there? It’s his show, and he is there to make jokes. Sometimes humor is offensive. All the time Tracy Morgan is offensive. Leave him alone already.

A comedian should NEVER have to apologize for anything he says on stage. Its an act. It’s not an interview, its not at a Bar-Mitzvah, it certainly wasn’t a Graduation speech. Tracy Morgan’s shtick is supposed to be over the top illiterate offensive. That’s why some people think he’s funny. If you don’t like what he has to say, don’t buy a ticket to his damn show.

Can you imagine if movie actors had to apologize for offensive acts? “No, you bastards!!!”…”as an aside, I have no problem with children out of wedlock, it was just a word in the script to demonstrate careless rage. I hope you understand.”

Tracy Morgan offends again — MSNBC

You found this guy offensive, huh? You don't say...


Diet Soda not Diet:

A couple of recent studies have surmised that Diet soda isnt diet at all. It actually makes you fatter. One study says that participants who drank 2 or more diet sodas a day had waists 6x larger than those that didn’t drink any at all. It also showed that overall, diet soda drinkers had 70 percent greater increases in “waist circumference”. What they don’t tell you is that the people ordering diet soda were doing so along with their super-sized McDonalds value meals.

The second study was with diet-soda-drinking mice, who showed higher blood sugar levels than sober mice. Not good for diabetes. The culprit appears to be the aspartame in the sodas.

I’m flummoxed now. Sugar is bad, aspartame is bad. How am i supposed to get my fix? Next thing you know they’re going to tell me that my 5-Hour Energy isn’t as effective when I give it to myself in enema form.

Diet soda adds inches — MSNBC

"Candy, tell Soda to stop following us. It's creepy already."


The Bard’s Bud

A South African anthropologist has petitioned to exhume and test the body of William Shakespeare. The testing is presumably to determine how the Bard died, but now the web is abuzz at new information that could be gleaned from this testing…did Shakespeare smoke weed? The follow up question is probably…why the hell do you care?

Some people point to one or two lines in his sonnets that hint at weed smoking, and recent studies on a pipe of his showed possibly cannabis (and cocaine) residue. So what? Have you ever read his plays? This guy was clearly high. If he was sober, maybe we wouldn’t have to spend years of highschool trying to guess the meaning in his every line.

Are any of the testing results worth the disrespect given to a dead body by disrupting it? Leave his body alone. Who cares how he died? Every man dies, not every man writes 38 plays and 160 sonnets. Plus, any grave-exhumers should beware as Billy’s headstone reads: “Blessed be the man that spares these stones. And cursed be he who moves my bones.” That just sounds cool.

Mine will probably say something lame like “Here lies Ryan, he cried like a baby. As for survivors, who knows, maybe?”

The Bard’s body to be exhumed; did he smoke pot? — TIME

"It's doth Twenty and Four. Smoke one."


Fox v Stewart

Yesterday I posted a Daily Show vid that showed how ridiculous Fox was in establishing their “narrative” that they stick to come hell or high water. Jon Stewart went on Fox last week, and accused them as such. This threw the “news” network into a tizzy, and they spent the last few days proving they have no alternate agenda, by blatantly showing that they had an agenda to sully Stewart. The network went to great lengths to embarrass Stewart, calling him a racist, and “Liberal mouthpiece” etc. on literally every single show of the network. Their reaction is transparent and embarrassing, and in the end it just emboldened Stewart’s argument.

Seriously, this guy is a comedian on a comedy network, and they treat him as if he is their news equal. What does that say about them? What does that say about their viewers? Just watch, laugh and cry.


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