Crap you should read Tuesday (6/28)

Blagojevich Stunned:

Disgraced Illinois Governor Rod was finally convicted on 17 of 20 corruption charges against him yesterday. Fun factoid: Blagojevich is now the 2nd straight Governor from the proud state of Illinois to wind up behind Federal bars for corruption.

Afterwards former Governor Blago admitted “I frankly, am stunned” by the decision. He somehow managed to not say that he assumed everyone else was a fucking moron. Blago tried to convince the court that the hours of FBI wiretap recordings of him trying to sell an Illinois Senate seat to the White House, or shaking down businessmen for “contributions” in exchange for votes, were just harmless brain-storming sessions. In the end the jury couldn’t be swayed from thinking they had a scumbag Governor  for two terms.

What were the 3 counts he wasn’t convicted on? The Gov was acquitted of soliciting bribes from a road-building executive, and the jury was hung on two charges of “attempted extortion related to that executive and funding for an school”.

After 2 and a half years of professing his innocence and throwing away his pride for B-List celebrity, Blago faces up to more than 300 years in prison. Unfortunately, it will be more like 10-15, but that’s plenty of time for Federal prisoners in Illinois to take out their rightful justice on his ass for disgracing public office and using a State and its citizens as his playthings.

Blogojevich stunned by guilty ruling — MSNBC

As the "new fish", Hot Rod picks out the brotha he's going to take down to earn some Cell-Cred

 

Bachmann Called Out:

It’s been a good couple of days for Michele Bachmann lovers, as the Ice Princess officially announced she was running for President. Of course, she’s been running for more than 2 years, and officially announced already at the second-First Republican Debate. It’s also been a great couple of days for Bachmann haters as she made an ass out of herself multiple times.

On Sunday, Michele took her nutcase to Face the Nation, but she could’t even face host Bob Schieffer. Schieffer confronted Bachmann about critics implying she plays “fast and loose with the facts” (read: LIES HER ASS OFF). Schieffer pointed out that Politifact has tracked 26 of her statements, (only 1 True, 7 barely or half  True, 11 false and 7 Pants on Fire) the worst rate of any candidate for president. In particular, he asked her to clear up one blatantly false statement on drilling permits (she said Obama allowed exactly 1, in reality its almost 300). Rather than answer the question, she gave a blatantly false statement about Obama releasing “all of the oil reserves” (in reality it was only 4%, not ALL) that Politifact later confirmed as false.

It got so bad that Schieffer wrapped by saying “Again, I have to say congresswoman, I asked you a question and you– you, to my knowledge I don’t believe you answered it, but I want to thank you.” You have to watch the video below to see this Stepford Wife in action.

Bob Schieffer calls out Bachmann for lying, and in response, she lies — Crooks and Liars

Bachmann’s lies on Politifact — Politifact

 

More Michele

On Monday, Bachmann held a big to-do in Waterloo, where she praised Waterloo’s favorite son “John Wayne” and his embodiment of the American spirit. “That’s the kind of spirit I have, too”, Bachmann bragged in discussing her scary candidacy.

Unfortunately for the Congresswoman, the Duke was born 150 miles away, so the only John Wayne from Waterloo was infamous serial killer John Wayne Gacy! So basically she went on air and compared herself to someone known as the “Clown Killer” who killed 30+ kids. Um, so where are your 23 foster kids these days Congresswoman?

Could Michele even admit her guffaw? Nope, she reasoned that The Duke’s parents lived in Waterloo for a year before he was born, though never while he was alive, so she was 100% correct. Obviously she didn’t ruin one of the pretend biggest days of her life by being ridiculously stupid.

Tuesday morning she wen’t on Good Morning America and tried to defend previous idiotic statements she made about our Founding Fathers fighting “tirelessly to end slavery”. Of course we all know that Founding Fathers owned slaves and made slavery official in the Constitution, but she refused to backtrack from her idiocy. Michele instead “explained” that John Quincy Adams fought to end slavery. George Stephanopolous called her out that John Quincy wasn’t a Founding Father, but she “rationalized” that John Quincy was a boy when his dad was a Founding Father, so that made him a Founding Father as well. So take that history!

I know, some will say I’m conservative bashing, but that’s not true. I’m Bachmann bashing, and its not my fault that she has no idea how recording instruments work. It’s not my fault this lady can never just once say “I am sorry, I misspoke”. Michele Bachmann is awesomely terrifying.

Bachmann has her own battle at Waterloo, forgets her John Wayne, instead praises serial killer — MSNBC

Bachmann diggs hole further on Founding Father’s line — Huffington Post

Bachmann’s biggest gaffes — Funny or Die

"Serial killer huh? Sheesh. No just say Obama is the one who killed 30 kids , and I just like cereal. Yeah, go with that."

 

Survivor of 2nd Plane Crash:

Last week Austin Hatch announced that he accepted a full scholarship to play basketball at Michigan. This week the 16 year old Indiana basketball stud lies in critical condition after “surviving” his second plane crash.

Both crashes were at the hands of his father, Stephen Hatch. In 2003, Dr. Hatch was able to throw his son out the window, but unable to save his wife and Austin’s brother and sister. This time the crash claimed Stephen’s life and Austin’s step-mom.

You gotta pull for this kid, and should he soon grace the courts in Ann Arbor, bet the house on this kid. I’ve read this comic book before. Buy stock in Austin Hatch. He’s unbreakable and has a cool enough name to be Senator. Just buy him a Madden Bus so he doesn’t have to worry about this kinda shit anymore.

Hatch survives 2nd plane crash, to be pulled out of coma — News-Sentinel

"Did you say his SECOND plane crash?"

 

DNA Poopers:

If you thought your Super was super annoying, at least you dont have to deal with CSI testing on your dog poo. Yet.

Apparently dogs across the country are just crapping everywhere, and the owners are looking the other way without picking it up. So now thanks to CBS and their 14 hours of “original” procedural Cop shows, some complexes with high HOA fees across the country are collecting samples of doggie doo, and sending the shit to labs for DNA analysis. It’s then compared to pre-submitted DNA samples from the complex.

Is money really being wasted on this crap? Solve this crime the old fashioned way: pick up the log and put it under the suspect’s doormat. I promise if they’re guilty said crime won’t happen again.

Apartment complex uses DNA testing to see which tenants let their dogs poop — MSNBC

"It seems like we  have to get ourselves a peek...at that Pekingese."


Badass of the Week:

Cheick “Zombie” Kongo got rocked coming out of the gates against Pat Barry. Barry knocked Zombie unconscious a couple of times, but Kongo kept popping back up like an African Terminator. At one point Barry had the Kill Shot, but he hesitated, and let Kongo up. Barry was terminated.

Even for those of you that dread the UFC, there are few moments of Rocky-style comebacks that need to be witnessed for yourself.

Badass Rocky Comeback UFC — Youtube


 

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