Synema Synopsis: Frozen

"No, you picked 'truth' like 10 times in a row. Dare."


Frozen *****

 

by J-Smitty

I’ve been pretty negative with my reviews, so I wanted to bring a 5 star J-Smitty selection to your attention. Frozen came out last year, and its a sleeper that 99% of people have not heard of, let alone seen. Frozen has no big-names attached to it, and I only came across it because my wife and I love random horror/thriller films on NETFLIX.

90% of the movies we watch are absolute dog shit.  As a matter of fact, most of the time I would be better off plucking out my pubic hair one by one, but Frozen turned out to be awesome.

Before you get turned away by the word “horror”, this is no monster movie, or deranged killer on the loose garbage. Frozen is just absolutely chilling (sorry) and terrifying in its relatively realistic simplicity.

I hope someone brought some gum or Listerine Tabs

Why did this movie rock out with its frozen cock out? Because, writer/director Adam Green BROUGHT IT!!  Frozen was one of the most intense movies I’ve seen in years. Even with its relatively low budget, there are a few scenes that will have you murmuring “What the Fuck????” and have you screaming like a drunk lady at a Tyler Perry movie.  During one of the scenes, my wife was so stressed, our baby in her belly was doing somersaults.

To give you an idea of what you are in for, the premise is similar to Open Water with the main characters stranded; but unlike Open Water, it does not suck.  I would say it’s Open Water on a mix of cocaine, crack, heroine, ecstasy, Viagra and Red Bull.

Three friends take a day trip to go skiing, and of course they can’t overcome their over-whelming desire to hit that last run before they leave. I don’t want to spoil anything, but lets just say they find themselves alone…stuck on a ski-lift…in the dark…during a blizzard. The blame game starts, but soon they realize they’ll freeze to death if they can’t figure out a way to get down.

No this isn't the same as "Philadelphia"

The 3 main actors give great performances way above that of most B movies. Emma Bell (Walking Dead) Shawn Ashmore (X-Men) and  Kevin Zegers (Air Bud) all do a fantastic job making you feel for their characters in the middle of the shitstorm.

Now, I will warn you, the movie starts off slow, but stay with it. The set-up crap might be a bit blah, but its definitely important to feel for these characters you’re stuck with on a ski-life for the night. Once you make it through the first 20 minutes get ready for your blood pressure to go up.  Make sure to take your Diovan because I don’t want to be blamed for any heart attacks.

The only reason you won’t like this movie is if you have a gentle constitution and get squeamish with this type of stuff.  Even if that’s the case, I say you sack up anyway and give it a go. There is nothing like the feeling you get from this movie; its like a 90 minute roller-coaster from hell.

It's kinda cold, idiots. Zip up your jackets all the way, and maybe we'd get another 20 minutes of this awesome movie

If you have Netflix you’re in luck, because that is how I came across it.  If you do not have Netflix, get your head out of your ass and get it.  It’s 8.95 a month. Don’t supersize your value meal a couple times a week and fit it in your budget.

But seriously, you won’t often hear me give high praise, it just doesn’t happen, but Frozen is a rare 5 Star gem that I just didn’t see coming.

I haven’t been able to stop talking about it for weeks, so maybe this review was more therapeutic than anything.

3 Comments

  1. Frozen is amazing. Never felt like that while watching a movie before.

    Thank you Smitty for insisting I see it.

  2. Are you two on crack with this rave review? While there were admittedly cool parts, Frozen is predictable and a snooze-fest. I too found it accidentally on netflix live…and it took 5 different viewings to get through as I kept falling asleep. I would still recommend movie-lovers to see it…just make sure you’re amped on caffeine and coke (a cola). And manage your expectations…don’t let the Smithers’ over-zealous review set you up for a let down. It’s a B- at best.

  3. A Free, Must See! Thanks for the recommendation, you rock!