Synema Synopsis: Okay 8

"Is that....another.....Starbucks?"

by J-Smitty

 

**

 

With Steven Spielberg producing, and J.J. Abrams writing and directing Super 8, I expected to be wowed.  I thought it would be as riveting as when the dynamic duo of Sasha Grey and Jenna Jameson came together for the summer nutbuster, Super 8-Inch Clitoris.  However, Abram’s Super 8 fell far short of the hype.  I expected to watch an amazing monster movie and instead, I watched a slow-paced movie focused more on “heart” than on the action.

It was a fun bar mitzvah; Woody Allen was in the back picking up chicks

Again, like most of the crap I’ve seen (and reviewed) recently, this movie wasn’t bad, just not as good as expected.  I was so psyched to see it, but after I did, I was quick to warn everyone who would listen not to rush and see it.  This is the type of movie you see when you have nothing better to do on a Sunday and you’ve already seen all the other good movies. Or just wait for the damn thing on video.

Was it well written?  Yes.  Was it well directed? Yes.  Was the monster cool?  Yes.  Was the story unique?  Yes.  Were the special effects cool? Yes.  Were the kids good actors? Yes.

So why didn’t I like the movie?  Marketing.

I don’t want to go too much into the plot and ruin all the master-secrecy that Abrams is so good at creating, but the campaign made this movie seem like it was going to be one of the best monster movies of all time.  J.J. Abrams and Spielberg were supposed to give us LOST or Cloverfield meets Close Encounters of the Third Kind.  Instead we got Goonies, but instead of focusing on One-Eyed Willie’s treasure, we got 2 hours of Mikey and Andy flirting.

"Oh come on, Mom. No one wants to see that"

This movie was full of heart.  I have no idea where they found these incredible young actors, and I have great respect for Abrams for the performances he got out of his young cast. If Malaysia could get this type of quality output from their children, my jeans wouldn’t split in the crotch when I do a toe-touch.

There are one or two stars-in-the-making in this movie.  Elle Fanning, the younger sister to Dakota, has an especially breakout-able performance.  What the hell do they do to these Fanning children when they are born to make them all such good actresses way beyond their years?  Are they putting Meryl Streep’s eggs inside Mrs. Fanning (yes, I was too lazy to try and look up her name)? Do they duct tape Shakespeare to their hands and only feed them when they perform well?  Do they water board them when they fail to cry on cue?

Whatever it is, Fanning did an amazing job for a 13 year old, however, the fact she has 28 things on her filmography already at the age of 13 is nauseating.

Here I go again.  I feel as if I haven’t been too positive about the movies I’ve reviewed, but the truth of the matter is, these summer movies all failed to live up to the hype.

Hopefully Transformers changes that trend next week.  If not, I will be resigned to re-watch Braveheart for the 712th time.

Does anyone actually look at each other, or just always shocked to see what's behind the camera?

One Comment

  1. I couldn’t agree more.

    Well, I could, but I want to keep the bar low.