Crap you should read Wednesday (6/22)

Bank Robbed for Healthcare:

On June 9th, a North Carolina man entered a bank and handed the teller a note that said “This is a bank robbery. Please only give me one dollar.” James Varone then told the teller “I’ll be sitting right over there in the chair waiting for the police” and that’s exactly what the guy did.

Why risk going to prison for $1? Varone wasn’t risking anything, he wanted to go to prison, a place where he would get healthcare and 3 squares a day, rent-free. Varone has a growth on his chest, two ruptured discs and foot ailments, but now he’s getting the health care he needs to deal with those issues. His original plan was to commit the serious felony and be sentenced to about 3 years, that way when he returned to society he would get his social security and then move into a condo in Myrtle Beach.

Unfortunately, his $1 plan might backfire, as Police aren’t charging him with bank robbery, but rather larceny from a person, which carries a much lighter penalty. There’s dumb, then there’s healthy dumb, and then there’s healthy dumb with a new cellmate boyfriend.

Man robs bank for $1 to get prison health care — MSNBC

All the Dude wanted was his rug back


New Cig Warnings

The FDA has decided that Big Tobacco has to place huge, disgusting, graphic warnings on all cigarette packages, tobacco ads and products. The goal is to gross people out before they smoke, hopefully avoiding some of the 440,000 yearly deaths from tobacco use. According to the new laws, packages must be at least 50% covered with a Color Graphic and one of the following warnings:

“Cigarettes are addictive”; “Tobacco smoke can harm your children”; “Cigarettes cause fatal lung disease”; “Cigarettes cause cancer”; “Cigarettes cause strokes and heart disease”; “Smoking during pregnancy can harm your baby”; “Smoking can kill you”; “Tobacco smoke causes fatal lung disease in nonsmokers”; and “Quitting smoking now greatly reduces serious risks to your health.”

The warnings, which must be in place by September 2012, will cover the upper portion of the pack, both front and back. At least 50% of the package must be covered. Cigarette ads must also carry the graphics covering at least 20% of the ad. This might seem like a no-brainer for such a harmful product, but the US is the 40th country to put the graphic pictures and warnings on the packages.

Can you imagine if this trend caught on in other harmful industries? Maybe pictures of blown out faces on boxes of ammo, or pictures of a pregnant woman and a couple kids to keep you from buying alcohol?

FDA issues new graphic warning labels for cigarettes — CNN

Primo should actually shave a pencil thin mustache around that thing


Leaks at 48 US Nuke Plants

Tritium leaks were found at 48 of 65 Nuclear Power Plants in a recent alarming study. Tritium is a radioactive form of hydrogen, and is of course, not good for us mere Muggles. Any type of radiation can cause cancer.

Although the Tritium has not made its way to a public water supply, the piping in the plants has corroded and has been leaking it into the ground for years. In 37 cases, the Tritium found in the groundwater was higher than the Federal allowable limit, and in some areas more than 100x the allowed limit. 3 sites did leak into neighboring wells, but not in levels exceeding Federal limits.

This is pretty terrifying because there is basically nothing that can be done except study it and bitch about it. Most of these reactors were built so long ago, that it would be an almost insurmountable obstacle to re-fit the miles of underground piping. Its nice to think that we can control the dangers associated with the necessary evil that is nuclear power, but its not like we can cover 50% of the Nuclear reactors with graphic warnings and make all our radioactive problems go away.

Tritium leaks found in 48 US Nuclear Plants — AP News

"Hey Egon, can Tritium make a toaster dance?"


Lindsay banking House Arrest

Even though she’s under house arrest, Lindsay Lohan filmed a commercial for, an online auction site. WWTDD reports that Linz turned down the original offer of $25,000, so she probably got more than that in the end, plus $10k in credits for the site.

Of course its idiots like me that make their investment in LiLo worth it, but should she be making money while in home-jail? I am not quite sure why this freckled slut keeps making her own rules. She isn’t imprisoned. She chills with her friends all day, throws parties, and then makes money. I want to go rob a bank for $1 and get friggin house arrest. Sounds awesome. Hey Linz, do those ankle bracelets pick up weed, or is it just alcohol? Just wondering.


The only thing she should be allowed to sell is Valtrex



Noah’s Ark?

A Dutch man, Johan Huibers has built a full-sized Noah’s Ark as a tourist attraction that sits on a river outside of Amsterdam. The ark is the length of a football field, 4 stories high, and I assume is built to house all the animals in the world if need be.


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Although I’m sure this is cool and all, I only really posted it as a reason to show you Joe Rogan’s version of the bull-shit story of Noah’s Ark. Rogan says it best, “even an 8 year old retarded boy is going to have some questions about this one…”


Obama’s a Good Mama

President Obama doesn’t just kiss babies, he’s a friggen Baby Whisperer. Check it out….