Crap you should read Monday (6/20)

I Heart Jon Stewart:

Jon Stewart took his ballsy bit straight into the lion’s den when he sat with Fox News’ Chris Wallace on Sunday morning. Stewart and Wallace were discussing Ideological Media Bias, when Stewart went to great lengths to show how his routine is nothing like the manipulative hell-hole that is Fox News. Wallace kept trying to paint Stewart as a left-wing ideologue pushing his agenda on his viewers, but Stewart said Wallace was “insane” for insisting so. Stewart is a comedian who’s sole purpose is to start discussions and make people laugh with his jokes from a left-ist viewpoint, while Fox News’ purpose is to frame the discussion to push their rightwing viewpoint on America.

Oh, by the way, one is on a Comedy Network, and the other is pretending to be a News Network. Should they even be compared?

This is mandatory viewing material for anyone who is sick of hearing the bullshit from the news network with the most repeatedly misinformed viewers in the country.

By the way, I love J-Stew.

Jon Stewart Takes on Fox News — Huffington Post


McCain Call Out

Senator John McCain (R-Ariz), the maverick who was his party’s mouth-piece only a couple short years ago before letting the black man win came out strongly against Republican candidates on ABC’s This Week on Sunday. McCain basically accuses them of going away from Republican ideals on Defense, and world issues, for the sole purpose of harming a Democratic president.

“I would say to my Republican friends: If this were a Republican president, would you be trying to impose these same conditions?”

He accuses them of playing isolationist games, and trying to remove ourselves from the situations in Afghanistan, Iraq and Libya. He points out that it was only a short time ago when they supported the same policies under President Bush, and these philosophies were held strongly by Republican demi-god Ronald Reagan, so to go against them now is transparent partisan politics.

Of course many across the country are fed up with American military involvement across the world, but its once again refreshing to see someone powerful in politics call out his brethren for transparent political flip-flopping for the sake of harming a sitting president. It is kind of hysterical that the Republicans, always seen as the party of strong foreign policy and defense, are so willing to stray from their most strongly-held tenets, just to hurt the other party. Don’t they realize they are hurting themselves by turning into the party of fake-pacifism? Of course, if they ever win again, they’ll go completely against everything they said during Obama’s administration and hope that Fox News convinces the world they never said those things to begin with.

Don’t you just love this game?

McCain calls out Republican candidates for partisan crap on Libya — Reuters

"How do you expect me to be bat-shit crazy and the most sane person in my party at the same time?"


Bad-Ass of the Week

I know the week just started, but there is no way anyone can take Army Ranger Joseph Kapacziewski in the bad-ass department. In 2005, a grenade was dropped through the hatch of Kapacziewski’s armored vehicle, and broke his body. As he was carried into the medical area, he asked “Is this going to ruin my chances of being a squad leader?” He was never supposed to walk again, but Kapacziewki opted to have his leg amputated  in 2007 so he could one day hopefully return to duty. And return he did.

Kapacziewski’s story isn’t something that deserves summation, so try to read the whole USA Today article about the soldier who is immune to morphine, but sucked up the pain as Doctors repaired his broken body so he could return to being a soldier.

In 2009 he finally returned to action with his prosthetic leg, and has been serving as an inspiration to all soldiers ever since. Of course this leaves his wife wondering WTF has to happen to get her husband to hang at home for a little while.

If this doesn't set off metal detectors, his brass balls certainly will


Lazy-Ass of the Week

Although technically not new news, this next tidbit just makes me feel better about myself. Paul Ralton, a 23 year old British man, pled guilty last year to being the laziest mo-fo on the planet after he was caught “walking his dog” through his car window while driving. The actual crime was “not being in proper control of his vehicle” and he was fined about $100 and lost driving privileges for 6 months. Did this douche lose dog privileges for 6 months? Nope.

Though this is cruel to animals, I think it would be a great plan to institute to fight obesity in our kids. They are getting way to cushy with this carpool to school thing. We’re already forced to drive slow through school zones, so why not whip our kids into shape the Ralton way?

Lazy dog Owner arrested for walking his dog while driving — Yahoo

"How much dogpower you got under that hood?"


Principal Weirdo

An Iowa Principal resigned Friday night while under investigation for giving students “Birthday Spankings”. Principal Terry Eisenbarth would call students into his office to administer the spankings with a special padded stick (pictured below). Community Police cleared Eisenbarth of any criminal wrongdoing, but the County Sherriff’s office is still investigating.

How did no one stop Eisenbarth after the first “birthday spanking”? If Principal Virginia Boone tried to give me a birthday pat on the shoulder I would have found it creepy, so what idiot student didn’t say “Fuck No!” when the principal told them to bend over his knee?

I hope “resigned” is a special Iowan term for shoving a padded stick up a principal’s ass.

Principal has to resign for giving students “Birthday Spankings” — MSNBC

They play Quidditch differently in Iowa

Worldwide Hangover

Further proof that the world is getting dumber, this weekend Hangover 2 became the highest grossing international comedy of all time. Hangover 2 has now earned more than $488 million worldwide, surpassing the previous record of $468 held by the first Hangover.

Many (including J-Smitty) felt this latest film was lacking in originality, but by next week the franchise will have earned more than $1 billion worldwide, which all but guarantees a 3rd Hangover. Recently Zach Galifianakis said that the team is plotting the 3rd movie around the crew sneaking Alan out of a loony bin. Call me crazy, but somehow I’m willing to put money on the fact that they’ll wake up from a party without being able to recall the night before, then coincidentally run into a Chinese Crime lord, Mike Tyson, and an animal/baby.

Hangover 2 now highest grossing international comedy — Deadline

"Same time next year?"


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