Crap you should read Wednesday (6/15)

Pakistani Informants Arrested:

Pakistan took the interesting step of arresting 5 informants whose work with the US led to the capture and death of Osama bin Laden. This took many by surprise as it appears Pakistan is more concerned with who embarrassed them by catching bin Laden rather than trying to catch those who helped bin Laden survive in their country for all these years.

The Pakistan Military was ridiculously embarrassed by the Bin Laden raid, as well as increased attacks by militants, so they are doing whatever they can to “save face”, even if it means spitting in ours. This latest move highlights extreme tension between Pakistan and the US, and has made our efforts to fight terrorism in their country more difficult. Deputy CIA Director, Michael Morrell, was asked to rate Pakistan’s cooperation with the US in the anti-terrorism campaign on a scale of 1-10, to which he replied “Three”. Comforting, right? Even more so when you consider that Pakistan is a Nuclear Power who has been caught selling their Nuclear Secrets.

Regardless, Pakistan will continue playing both sides in this ordeal, as they have done the entire time, and we have to put up with them because we need to be able to fight the war on terrorism on their land.

Pakistan Arrests CIA Informants that helped Capture Bin Laden — New York Times

"He likes Cuban food, and his turban is actually from Motel 6. Shit, I need to go." Click

 

US Senate Website Hacked

After weeks of coming down hard on companies for lack of cyber-security (SONY anyone?) the US Senate has been hacked. Many are quick to point out that it was only the Senate website that was hacked, not the Network, so nothing of value was compromised. LulzSec, the same hacking organization that abused Sony and PBS issued this statement in the wake of the “Attack”:

“We don’t like the U.S. government very much…This is a small, just-for-kicks release of some internal data from Senate.gov – is this an act of war, gentlemen? Problem?”

This of course refers to the “Act of War” doctrine that says that cyber attacks should be treated similar to a physical attack on our country in regards to response and punishment. After all, nothing says “war” like stealing Senatorial Dick-pics.

I just don’t know why this comes as a surprise to anyone anymore. If its written in code, then there’s another code that can hack it. Its that simple. That’s why I don’t carry a smartphone, and instead  just a Library Card Catalogue and a small dry erase board for messaging.

US Senate Website Hacked — Reuters

"Anyone want to see Mitch McConnell in drag?"

 

Drones to Yemen

The CIA is taking its Predator Drones to Yemen in its fight against Terrorism. In the midst of the Yemen civil war, American realizes that if the wrong side wins, our ability to fight terrorism in their country (a hot-bed for al Qaeda) will be severely limited. So now we’re stepping up attacks now while we are still able. The Drones are being pulled from Afghanistan to make this Yemenese magic happen.

For those of you keeping score, that’s 5 countries in which the United States is conducting warfare, yet only 2 of those have been officially approved by Congress (Iraq, Afghanistan). Pakistan allows us to bomb their country (kind of) as did Yemen until the recent power struggle, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are repeated military engagements which should be voted on by Congress. Unfortunately, it sounds bad for a “peaceful” country to be involved in 5 wars (don’t forget Libya), so we keep it all hush-hush.

So to avoid the entanglements of our “military” involvement in Yemen, we send in our CIA and their secret army, because that doesn’t require Congressional Approval and oversight, only a Presidential Finding. The military will stillconduct the campaign, but the CIA involvement allows us to do what we want, and bomb what we want behind the scenes, rather than being hindered by strict international law in the already war-torn country.

Of course, Predator drones are unmanned, and require strong Human Intelligence on the ground to pin-point terrorist targets, so just get ready to hear many stories of innocent Yemenese civilians bombed by the US. But at least its not a war.

CIA to operate Drones over Yemen

"Look! American is here to liberate u...." KABOOM!!!

 

China Bugging Cars

Beginning in 2007, China began installing “inspection cards” on tens of thousands of “dual license plate” vehicles in Hong Kong. Turns out these cards were actually listening devices, with bluetooth-like technology that can transmit up to 20km. Dual-License plate cars are usually reserved for businesses with more than $1 million invested in mainland China and who have paid 30,000 yuan or more in yearly tax. There are more than 20,000 of them on the road, plus an additional tens of thousands of trucks and buses that had the bugs installed.

Of course they deny the “listening-in” part and made up some excuse how the technology helps inspection, but then why the microphone, recorder and transmitter? China loves to keep their paws on everything, and having information from the wealthy business class can only serve their advantage. The bugs have also hurt the smuggling trade who were the first to realize something was amiss when their autos were picked off with increased accuracy.

Not for nothing, but my hat goes off to those that decipher these transmissions. People could jingle their keys, or drop change into the ashtray and it would sound like Mandarin.

Chinese Spying Devices Installed on Hong Kong Cars — The Epoch Times

And you thought no one was listening as you belted out Leona Lewis

 

NFL Negotiations

The NFL and NFLPA have been conducting further negotiations in hopes of bringing an end to the 4 month lockout. After weeks of keeping those pesky lawyers away from the table, attorneys for both sides were brought back into the mix on Tuesday. Unfortunately the lawyers F’d up the entire thing, and will be excluded from Wednesday’s meeting.

Obviously both sides realize that this shit has gone on long enough, and if it goes on any longer, games will be missed. Of course, they dont care about the games, just the boatloads of money they’d all lose.

This is a hopeful sign for NFL fans as if all goes well, a new Collective Bargaining Agreement could be in place by early July, and training camp could start soon therafter. I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of using all of last years statistics to prove my point, so I’m thankful for a whole new season to prove how much I can’t stand Chad Henne.

NFL, NFLPA and lawyers hold meeting — Miami Herald

 

Is Quentin Tarantino taking pics for the NFL now?

Sexually Transmitted Koalas

Australia’s Koala population has been decimated from 100,000 in 2003, to now only around 48,000. Conservationists even scoured 1 part of Queensland where there used to be 28,000 Koalas, and were unable to find one in four days of searching.

Scientists attribute the decline to climate change, loss of habitat, and Chlamydia. I’m sorry, did you say Chlamydia?

Turns out there has been a HUGE outbreak of the sexually transmitted disease in the Koala population, and at this rate, Koala’s will be extinct in 30 years. Eucalyptus 54 , a Koala Night Club, has seen business drop significantly, and Australia will soon be voting on whether to protect the animal officially in light of the $1 billion in revenue Koala’s bring to the state this year. To further combat the spread of this plague, Conservationists have been trying to teach Koalas the value of using “protection” and Koala Congress has instituted a Needle-trade-in program to get dirty syringes out of the outback.

Koala’s going extinct because of Chlamydia — Huffington Post

The Koala Porn Industry is setting a poor example

 

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2 Comments

  1. WHAT?!?!? No “eats, shoots, and leaves” joke in the Koala segment??

    • Brilliant Stratton! Follow the Ryno’s Horn on Facebook and you can add your own captions in our caption contest. See you there