Iran’s “Peaceful” Nuclear Program an un-funny Joke

Iranian "Garbage Pail Kids" are fun

Iran made a couple of announcements last week regarding their Nuclear Enrichment Program, and while their words say “Peace”, their actions say “You Infidels are fucked.”

Although the US, the UN, and the International Atomic Energy Agency have all laid sanctions upon Iran to immediately stop all enrichment of uranium, Iran continues to defy the world and move closer towards producing nuclear weapons.

The IAEA “received further information related to possible past or current undisclosed nuclear related activities that seem to point to the existence of possible military dimensions to Iran’s nuclear program.” Translation: they tried to purchase and develop triggering devices. Uh-oh.

"This is a centrifuge for Uranium Enrichment. The UN says we can't have these. I told them it was a peaceful Cappuccino machine. Fuck the UN!!!"

Of course Iran loudly preaches that the nuclear program is solely for peaceful purposes. They claim they have the same right we do to utilize a different means of energy without digging into oil reserves.

So then imagine the world’s surprise when Iran announced the relocation of their “peaceful” uranium enrichment facility to a facility buried deep inside of a mountain. Iran repeatedly lied about the construction of Fordo, which must be Persian for  Mt Doom, and only confessed when confronted with satellite photos a couple years ago.

Why inside a mountain? Because Israel and the US cant bomb the shit out of the inside of a mountain.

Not only do they get shelter from Judeo-Christian missles, but they also get to keep their program away annoying stalkers known as the International Atomic Energy Agency.

Unfortunately, even if they could, its now too late for Israel to bomb the shit out of this thing.  Israel can’t run the risk that nuclear bombs are available to these nations that pledge to wipe the Jewish state off the earth, so they are notorious for blowing these things to Allah. Just like they did to Osirak in Iraq in 1981 and Syria in 2007. It’s just smart business.

Now its buried in a mountain. Shit.

Construction underway in 2009 for "Destruction Land" at Disney Tehran

To make matters worse, Iran also announced that they raised their production from 4% enriched fuel to almost 20% enriched over a year ago. Fuel need only be 4% enriched for Nuclear Power reactors, so the only use for higher enriched uranium is for weapons. Weapons Grade is generally 90%, but apparently the leap from 20% to 90% isn’t that great on a nuclear level.

The US government has assured the world that it is monitoring all possible underground channels for purchase of nuclear bomb technology and hardware, and will know immediately if such material is sought after by Iran. Am I reading the plot for the 24 movie?

Can the US take the offensive or is forced to sit and wait until Ahmadinejad gets his hands on his new toys of mass destruction?

Of course the last time we tried to preemptively end a Program of Weapons of Mass Destruction, Saddam Hussein made us look like idiots. Is Iran’s program just a big bluff like Hussein’s was to gain more respect in the Arab World? Although they’ve made claims about being close to a Nuclear Power for 10 years, they are definitely closer now than they’ve been. Sure this might be posturing in the internal power struggle between Ahmadinejad and the Ayotollah, but Iran hasn’t been bluffing about being the largest state supporter of terrorism.

I’m guessing Iran announced their intentions a) to scare the shit out of everyone and look stronger and/or b) they think they are too far along to be stopped.

Iran would allegedly be much closer to life as a true Nuclear Power if it wasn’t for the immense sanctions laid down on them by the US and international community, but rumor has the real reason the program slowed down was the Stuxnet worm. This computer virus was a joint creation by US and Israel that some refer to as the most elaborate cyber-weapon ever used. Stuxnet completely ravaged the Iranian networks and stalled the entire enrichment program.

Do the US and Israel even have a right to blow up this “peaceful program”? Fact is that Iranians do deserve to take the next step in the evolution of energy, but how can the world allow it to happen when the government calls for death and destruction of other nations in almost every possible way?

"Death to Infidels! Death to Capitalist Pigs!...Can I keep the laptop?"

Make no mistake, this isn’t just a Western problem. Arab countries don’t want this to happen either, as Iran will completely monopolize the Middle East with their new explosive bargaining chip. Iran is a huge danger, and they are a bully who WILL use the bomb, or allow it to end up in a backpack walked into a Tel Aviv market, or a Smithsonian museum.

Some say that there is a diplomatic solution to this, but the United Nations has refused to do anything serious about this for years, and has let it get to this point. It’s now just a matter of time before Iran has their bomb, and the game is changed forever.

Israel should just move to Mexico.


Iran to move most sensitive Nuclear equipment to mountain bunker — Washington Post

Iran plans high level of uranium enrichment — NY Times


Follow The Ryno on Facebook and Twitter or email