Weiner is a Schmuck


First you sit on your hand, or just use a rubberband until it goes numb. Like this. It's called The Stranger

This whole Weiner dick thing is embarrassing. Not so much for Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) and his wife, as it is for me.

Last week, I told you Horn-balls that I believed Weiner when he said his Twitter was hacked and “pranked” when a throbbing crotch-shot was sent to a female college student in Seattle:

Weiner obviously cried “hackers!”, but for some reason shadily refuses to say whether or not the pic is of his Jockeys. Now as the situation has come to a head, I’m tending to believe the “hacker” cry; even if it is his junk, that doesn’t mean he sent it to her. We all know that if you send someone a dick-pic, you do it through your cell-phone, not your Twitter.

I mean, there is no way an intelligent man would be so stupid as to send out a graphic picture on a PUBLIC (read NOT PRIVATE) sharing service like Twitter, knowing full well that anyone and everyone can view the material.

Turns out I was wrong. Weiner is that fucking stupid.

"No, no. I wasn't pointing to myself. This is Fluffy's profile picture."

And because he’s so dumb, Anthony Weiner had to take the podium Monday to admit to the world that he lied, and take the first official step toward the political exit door.

What happened? Although married just last year, the Distinguished Gentleman from New York has been carrying on about 6 online “affairs” with younger women.

One is a 9 month online affair with a lucky 26 year old single mother in Texas named Megan Broussard. They exchanged a number of saucy pictures and sexts. One of the classier pics shows a clothed Weiner with his two cats accompanied by the headline “Me and the Pussys.”

"Me and the Pussys". Shit, I really can't think of a better caption. Creep.

Another conversation of Weiner’s was exposed in glorious Facebook sexting fashion with a girl in Nevada. Want a tidbit? Of course you do.

Girl: Ive been told Im really good [at giving head]…and I love doing it.

Weiner: Wow a Jewish girl who sucks [bleep]! This thing is ready to do damage.

To be clear, “this thing” is his dick. Also, Weiner has not “officially” cheated on his wife according to Black’s Marriage Dictionary, but I assure you that Mrs. Weiner is less excited than the one we saw in the gray boxer-briefs.

His ruined marriage aside, what will become of Weiner’s once-flourishing political career? One of the more popular no more, credible HACKERS! and respected no chance Liberal voices, Weiner might have been next in line for Mayor of New York, often referred to as the 3rd most powerful elected official in the country. Now he might have trouble making it through the month.

Although he said that he will not resign, Nancy Pelosi, his party’s House leader, has called for an Ethics Investigation. His own party! She beat her Weiner before the GOP did!

But what should the outcome be? Should we continue to punish our public officials for marriage infidelity?

Weiner’s online chatting has nothing to do with his public performance, by all accounts he’s been a good Representative. From what I understand, he hasn’t abused his power or finances in these affairs, but of course that might be uncovered in an open-ended Ethics Investigation.

Are we really going to remove a public official for being a shitty husband? Sure he lied, but that was more to cover for his marriage, and for the embarrassment of sending out his bird-chest pics, not because he wronged our country or New York.

Weiner's audtion pic for the role of Khal Drogo in Game of Thrones

Weiner is an idiot for not understanding technology in the first place, but idiocy is not an impeachable offense. Nor are pictures of the human body. Whether or not its tasteful is up to debate, but they certainly aren’t raunchy. Yet.

Do not be surprised if there are some racier shots out there. Sexting and sending pics isn’t exactly something usually stopped in the “teasing” stage.

Regardless, this is an issue to be decided by voters in the next election.

Now granted, this last Presidential Election was the first election where we know for sure that the man with with bigger dong definitely won, but is Weiner’s hard-on definitely a job-killer? I would think that a Jew flaunting his large manhood, and breaking stereotypes would be good for his career. Shoot, I often pass around my crotch-shots as a way to boost my credibility.

To be honest, I don’t care about the pics. Its nothing we don’t see on TV and billboards every day. These are just creepy, but probably only because he’s so ugly.

I only care about the lying. Not only morally, but because the whole episode proves Weiner has no idea how the game is played. How do you get this far without the brain power to contemplate what would happen when your demons caught up to you?

How did Weiner possibly see this playing out once he started with the “hacker” crap? Did he think it was going away? Why keep lying until it was too late and he irreparably damaged everything he worked for his entire life?

If Weiner’s credibility is shot, and it should be, then New Yorkers shouldn’t vote him in again. But to go through the Repeal process because he sent out pictures of his bird chest is a little over the top. Just know that now, and for the next couple weeks, Republicans will force the conversation to be about Weiner, in hopes of distracting the public attention away from the real issues that plague our country.

It’s embarrassing that our Politicians are going to be discussing this guy instead of governing.

The only thing Weiner has going for him is that this might not be so difficult to overcome; this surely isn’t the first time in his life that people heard his name and thought of a dick.

"I just have something in my eye. Aww, shut up, its not that."

Follow The Ryno on Facebook and Twitter or email ryno@therynoshorn.com