The Kings Speech on the South Beach Stunner

by Jeff Horowitz, NBA Wunderkind

"We. Got. This." No. You. Don't.

I know. The Miami Heat do not actually play on South Beach, as the American Airlines Arena is located in Downtown Miami, but I’ve been forced to listen to stupid reporters say the words “South” and “Beach” ad naseum while covering the Finals this past week, so I’m going to use it for alliteration purposes. The only thing possibly uglier than the Miami HEAT’s 4th Quarter collapse during last night’s Game 2 would be a love-child of Dirk Nowitzski and Jason Kidd.

The Dallas Mavericks were somehow able to come back from a 15 point deficit with just 7 minutes left to shock the Heat : 95-93, ending Miami’s 10 game home winning streak in the Playoffs. The last time the Miami Heat lost a playoff game inside the AAA, LeBron’s talents were still in Cleveland; Chris Bosh was in Toronto twisting his dreadlocks and studying the Mesozoic food chain; and Erik Spoelstra was still Pat Riley’s masseuse. Rumor has it, Coach Spo only gives massages to Gloria James and Maverick Carter these days.

"Come here brotha. Gimme some skin. No seriously, let me work the kinks out."

The bleeding started with 7:13 left in the game, immediately after Dwyane Wade sunk a gorgeous 24 foot, corner Three by the Mavericks’ bench, giving the Heat an 88-73 lead. Wade’s 3 point dagger should have been the final nail in the Mavs’ coffin, but it obviously wasn’t. After the shot, D Wade and LeBron chest-bumped, slapped hands to-the-max, and started making out with each other – right in front of the Dallas bench.

Mavericks players were obviously annoyed by the Big 2‘s mini-celebration (that’s right, Bosh – you’re OUT), and from that point on, the HEAT’s fortunes took a major turn for the worse. Somehow, the Big Bratwurst and his Mavs went on a ridiculous 22-5 run, and the rest is history : Dallas wins Game 2, by 2. Chris Bosh looked a helluva lot like our old buddy “Priss” Bosh in this game, and shot a horrific 4-16 from the floor. Oh yea, Bosh also gave up the game-winning basket to The Bratwurst. In another complete shocker, Bosh actually did not cry after this loss, but after shooting 25% from the field, he probably should have.

"I can't hear the laughter anymore."

Coming into Game 2 of the NBA Finals up 1-0, the Miami HEAT seemed extremely confident. After a healthy 92-84 victory over Dallas in Game 1, the HEAT clearly looked like a superior team. Beating Dallas the other night was the Heat’s first victory over the Mavericks since Game 6 of the 2006 NBA Finals. The 10 game losing streak to the Mavs was history, and the monkey was finally off their back. Once again, the Miami Heat appeared to have the Mavs’ number, as they are clearly the better team.

In the Game 2 defeat, D Wade led the HEAT with 36 points, 6 assists, 3 steals, 2 blocks, and one REALLY STUPID celebration in front of the Mavericks bench. LeBron finished with 20 points, including a bevy of highlight reel dunks. Mike Miller led the Heat in pained facial expressions, and Juwan Howard finished first, with 24 angry looks from the bench.

"I'll give him one more game...."

Bottom line, the Miami Heat blew this game to a Mavericks team that should have been down for the count. When a team is up by 15 in the 4th Quarter, on their own home floor, in a Finals game…you finish the job. The HEAT attempted 30 three-pointers last night, only converting 9-30 (30%). Wade disappeared down the stretch, Bosh stunk it up, and LeBron jacked up way too many contested jump-shots as the game slipped away. There is no reason for anyone to panic yet; this is just one game.

Bosh was defending him. Notice how he's not even in the picture

I will say this: Game 3 in Dallas is a must-win situation for the Miami Heat.

By splitting the first two games in Miami after this remarkable comeback victory, the Mavericks now take control of home-court advantage. As 90% of basketball fans (and 40% of Heat fans) know, the NBA Finals is played: 2-3-2. The Dallas Mavericks (games 3, 4, and 5) now have 3 home games remaining, the HEAT(games 6 & 7 if necessary) only with 2. Miami, 9-0 at home this season in the Playoffs, seemed like the clear-cut favorite to not only win again on their home court in Game 2, but some analysts were actually talking ‘Sweep’. SWEEP!

Everyone can put the brooms away now – this puppy is going 7 ! (Quick business side note: I have 6 excellent pairs of LowerBowl tickets for a possible Game 7).

"Dave, I already spoke to Arison and Horowitz. We all want this to go 7. Cool?"

The Finals first 2 games are now in the books, Dallas got what they hoped for : a road-win in Miami. The series, tied up at 1 game a piece moves to Big D for the next 3 games. Sunday night in Dallas is when these NBA Finals will truly start. BEST OF 5 : 3 wins by either team gets it done. This is going to be a very, very long NBA Finals – I can really feel it.

And, to tell you the truth, that’s just the way I like it.



  1. Since the 2-3-2 format started, 11 times the series has been tied after Game 2. The team that won Game 3 won the series… wait for it… (any guesses)… 11 TIMES.

  2. Hilarious…I’m just glad to see a Heat fan admit that Bosh belongs in the Garbosh and acknowledge that most of your fellow fans can’t count to Cuatro.

    Gracias..Viva El Mavs.

  3. 7 games is great for our pockets but bad news for our hearts, Jeff. I am Dallas bound for game 3! Are you with me? I’m sure we can get you a press pass.

  4. I agree 100%

  5. Now that is some good literature.