Crap you should read Thursday (6/2)

The Ryno is back, and besides the wonderful Crap I have for you today, I actually bring some good news for The Ryno’s Horn. Our content will now be picked up by http://thefanhub.com/ and it’s sister sites. Starting tomorrow, be prepared for The Ryno’s Podcast, as I go head to head with The Fan Hub’s Dave Jacober about sports and pop culture.

The Horn is growing thats what she said and I’m glad my Horn’y readers are along for the ride.

Ready for some Crap?

Rule #8: Never give The Ryno a mic

Weiner’s Weiner:

New York Congressman Anthony Weiner has found himself in one of the most laughingly shadiest scandals in recent memory. It seems that over the long weekend, a post from Weiner’s twitter account was sent to a 21 year old female followers with a picture of a bulging crotch-shot. Keep in mind, no one is saying Weiner knew this knew this girl, just that allegedly picked her out of random.

Making matters worse for all those raging conservatives that hoped they had Weiner’s weiner on their hands, is the fact that the alleged picture itself was only captured by one person….a right-wing mouthpiece who has often threatened Representative Weiner. No one else in the Twitter-verse saw the picture except this one guy. Weird, huh?

Weiner obviously cried “hackers!”, but for some reason shadily refuses to say whether or not the pic is of his Jockeys. Now as the situation has come to a head, I’m tending to believe the “hacker” cry; even if it is his junk, that doesn’t mean he sent it to her. We all know that if you send someone a dick-pic, you do it through your cell-phone, not your Twitter.

Jokes aside, do not be fooled. This is how easy it is these days to start a fake controversy. Once the Weiner “leaked”, all right-wingers got to go on Fox News their media platforms and bash the out-spoken liberal Representative. It doesn’t matter whether or not its true, because now a good part of the country is convinced Weiner’s a philandering perv who targets young women.

Rep. Weiner refuses to say for certain that the picture isn’t of his crotch — Washington Post

Who are you fooling Hackers? Weiner is Jewish!!!!

 

Smoking-Pill Suicide

Pfizer is under some serious scrutiny after its been exposed that the pharmaceutical giant either purposefully excluded certain documents from the FDA or delayed presenting them when they were seeking approval for Chantix, a stop-smoking pill. The new documents uncovered 150 more suicides linked to Chantix, more than doubling the old number from 122 (only 37 of which were claimed by Pfizer) to 272.  Also uncovered were almost 600 new reports of major personality issues: depression, psychosis and extreme aggression.

Of course, have you ever been around someone who stopped smoking, and needs their nicotine fix? They’re always depressed, psychotic and aggressive. Regardless, more than 1500 claims in Federal Court cite Chantix in injury claims, and the drug was prescribed 3.2 million times last year, and 1.1 million times so far this year.

Of course, when you look at the bigger picture, you see a Corporation who intentionally hid or withheld information about suicides and other serious health problems so they could sell their drug and make billions. Drug companies run thousands of trials to test their drugs, so trust me, they knew all of this. They just don’t care to share, because with the FDA the way it is, this type of abuse can go on forever, with minimal financial punishment. Even if they do get sued and lose, the millions they are forced to pay out in settlements pales in comparison to the profits they made from the smoking-pill.

Do they make a don’t-screw-me pill? Actually that would contradict Pfizer’s biggest seller, Viagra.

Smoking-Pill suicides overlooked from missing reports — MSNBC

"No thanks man. I'm on the Pill."

Shaq Retires

Shaquille O’neal took to the Twitter-verse to announce his retirement from the NBA. This isn’t much of a shock, as he barely played the last couple years, but its still tough to see one of the great NBA personalities call it quits. It wasn’t just his monstrous frame that commanded attention, Shaq is easily the most fun professional athlete of our lifetime.

A quick Shaq Faq check: 19 years, 5 teams, 4 titles, 1 League MVP, 3 Finals MVPs and 15 All Star selections. Numbers don’t tell the complete story about Shaq’s impact, as he is the most dominant player of our lifetime. Sure Jordan is the biggest Brand in sports, but his sponsors did everything for him, whereas Shaq has always been the one marketing Shaq since the get-go. O’Neal is one of the pioneering athletes of the social media craze, and has successfully crossed over from sports into the Pop Culture landscape.

One thing that will taint Shaq as he retires is the fact that as likable as he is, he left almost every Team in horrible, bridge-burning fashion. Lets not forget the Big Socrates most philosophical inquiry, “Kobe, tell me how my ass taste?

The real question is, what’s next for the Big Retiree? Shaq has twenty five kids to feed, and numerous ladies on the side, if Kobe is to be believed. So unless Charles Barkley has a heart attack, (does TNT really need another funny mumbling bohemouth?) you can fully expect to see Shaq un-retire to go cash in on millions by sitting on the bench and playing 2 minutes a game in Greece or Turkey.

http://twitter.com/#!/SHAQ

Shaq Retires as Most Dominant Ever — CBS Sports

"Ha! I told you man, don't bring up Kazaam!!!"

 

Kim Kardashian sucks

OK Magazine told the world this news on their cover:

‘I’m having a Baby’ She reveals her big news to family & friends. An overjoyed Kim says, ‘I can’t stop crying’

So Kim is pregnant! Right? No, when you actually read the article, Kim is NOT pregnant, she only told her family that she plans on having a baby. Someday. Not now. Not as of today. Maybe in the future. Yet OK put it on their cover intentionally. You do realize this means that they think that YOU, the American public, are either so stupid that you won’t even notice, and that even after you paid for this fake news, you wouldn’t complain for your money back.

Kim wasn’t even outraged, she just mused about “magazines and their tricky words.” These aren’t tricky words. “I’m having a baby” actually means that you are having a baby. The fact that she isn’t outraged leads me to believe that this attention grabbing whore is at it again, and plotted with the Mag to do this as some sort of publicity stunt for both of them.

Can this chick just get fat and age already so we won’t care what she does anymore?

Kim Kardashian is NOT Pregnant — What Would Tyler Durden Do

She might not be pregnant, but at least Kim knows the pose to get her there

 

Mandating Condom Use in Porn

California might soon be voting on whether or not to mandate condom use in pornography. Of course they cite the obvious STD risks, but this is fucking ridiculous. Are we really possibly facing legislation that tells us HOW we can have sex?

What is the government’s interest in regulating porn stars? Why the fuck is government even talking about porn or sex? Cali rationalizes this falls under “unsafe working conditions” as performers are facing undue risks. So now it’s a workplace?

Who is going to police this anyway? Are we going to have a Rubber Czar, or will viewers send in letters to the Governor? What would the video evidence look like in the criminal case for not wearing a condom? Would you be able to raise the “I used it for the important parts” defense?

I for one hate watching condom porn, its not realistic. Plus, i hate to use the slippery slope argument, but what’s next? Are they going to outlaw the Facial because of causal links to conjunctivitis?

Cali to decide whether to mandate condom use in porn — Huffington Post

"I don't care if you can't stay hard! Now march back in there, wrap it up, bang that chick, and be a good role model for our kids."

 

2 in Pink

Further proof that your government is retarded can be found in the video in the link below. It turns out that Dana Cobb got a vanity plate more than 10 years ago that reads “2inPink”. Of course this was a celebration of her two daughters, but now she recieved a letter in the mail from the state of Virginia saying her plate is obscene and has to go. Why? Because one person thought her plate refers to the sexual term “The Shocker”, also known as “two in the pink and one in the stink”.

Obviously this is absurd, but because some idiot is offended by a meaning that wasn’t intended, the Cobb family is being penalized, and tax payer dollars are wasted routinely on this phony moral policing.

You know its not really freedom of speech if you aren’t free to say anything.

She knows what she meant — Tosh.0

Thank goodness she didn't have 2 sons and name them Richard

 

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