Crap you should read Friday (5/27)

Heat are going to the Finals:

When people talk about the 2011 Miami Heat, last night’s victory will be the game that comes to mind. Down by double digits in the fourth quarter, the Big 3 couldn’t hit their shots, and it looked like the series was on its way back to Miami for Game 6. Then Carlos Boozer clocked Lebron in the face, got a flagrant, and as Marv Albert pointed out 20 times, “awoke the sleeping giant.” The Heat went on a mini-run, but the Bulls bounced back and opened it up their lead to 12 points with three minutes left.. Then Lebron hit a 3. D-Wade hit a 3, got fouled by Rose and hit the freethrow. After another stop, Lebron chucked up another 3 to tie it. After another stop, Lebron took command and hit a mid-range jumper that brought cheers heard across Miami. Rose had a chance to tie, but the MVP missed his second free throw, and the Bulls couldn’t catch up.

The comeback was clearly the signature win of the Big 3’s season, and one of the most memorable Heat games of all time. This ranks right up there with the classic Game 3 of the 2006 Finals when Wade elevated to excellency against Dallas, and Rex Chapman’s legendary night in 1996 to beat the Bulls when the Heat only had 8 guys.

The NBA gets a great storyline in this Finals with the rematch of Dallas and Miami, and also gets 3 worldwide stars (Dwyane, Lebron, Dirk) on the league’s brightest stage. Game 1 is Tuesday, and currently Vegas has the Heat as 4.5 point favorites. So while Mark Cuban and Turtle break out the Avion tequila, hopefully Riley has the Dom Perignon on ice for Spo and his boys.

Miller's going to teach Lebron a lesson about celebrating too early in DODGEBALL


Patriot Act Extended

Yesterday Congress passed a 4year extension to the Patriot Act, much to the behest of certain lawmakers who feel the Act gives government too much power in infringing on people’s rights to privacy. The vote was taken in haste to counter a stall tactic from freshman Senator, Rand Paul (R-Ky) who tried to gain support for narrowing the ability of government to spy on certain individuals. The first provision extended grants the government the right to wiretap communications for the individual, not the location. This gives the government a lot of leeway, as before they needed to go back and get permission every time they wanted to bug a new place to spy on. Now they just target the guy, and have free reign to tap all resources on him. The other provisions allow for extended searches of records for suspected terrorists, as well as the Lone Wolf provision that lets the government go after people even if they don’t have direct ties to Terrorism organizations.

Obviously whenever you’re dealing with taps, searches, and digging into people, there are going to be abuses. Many worry that the Patriot Act removes the protections from those abuses and gives the government free reign to spy on its own citizens under the guise of stopping terrorism. Basically, this is one of those things that you only care about in the abstract, because it will likely never affect you…yet. That’s until they expand the definition of terrorism to include just about anything that disrupts the peace, and then can search your records easily and use them against you. So there are many “Slippery slope” dangers involved, but at least the “Extensions” are temporary, so (in theory) if abuses are exposed, hopefully we’ll be able to either ditch the Act altogether or tailor it more narrowly to avoid the abuse.

Is catching terrorists a good enough reason to infringe upon your right to privacy? Does catching Bin Laden change your thought process on the value of the Patriot Act? Do you even care?

Patriot Act provisions extended — MSNBC

"For the thousandth time, this has NOTHING to do with me."


War Criminal Caught

Serbia finally caught the last of its three most wanted war criminals from the Massacres of the 90’s.  Bosnian Serb General Ratko Mladic was indicted more than 15 years ago, and though it was often rumored that his capture was imminent, it wasn’t until yesterday that he was finally apprehended in Northern Serbia.  This is huge for Serbia, as not only they get their revenge on the man who ordered the slaughter of thousands and ethnic cleansing on a national scale, but now they might finally get a chance to join the European Union. The EU insisted Mladic’s capture was integral, because many believed he was being protected by supporters high-up in the Serbian government.

The world is surely looking forward to trying this guy, and Pakistan is psyched that it isn’t being blamed for any of this shit.

Serbia finally catches top fugitive war criminal — NY Times

How could you ever be considered scary in THAT hat?


Pakistan lets CIA inside Compound

Seal Team 6 was only in the bin Laden compound for 40 minutes, and while they got a treasure trove of information, the US wants to go back to see what we could have missed. Of course the reason we were there for only 40 mintues is because we did the entire thing without Pakistan’s knowledge, so it comes as a big surpirse that the Pakistani government is allowing the CIA back inside the compound to continue the search for helpful information. Pakistan was embarrassed on a world scale, but does their allowing the CIA inside a sign that things are all well with our two countries? Probably not, and its more likely just a way for Pakistan to show the world its cooperating and had nothing to do with hiding the al Qaeda leader.

The question remains, what does the US hope to find there? They already took significant materials in the initial raid, but do they really think that Pakistani intelligence hasn’t scrubbed the entire place already and taken the interesting shit we left? Or did they find a treasure map hidden in Bin Laden’s ass and need more clues where to start?

Pakistan lets CIA into Osama compound for further scrubbing — Washington Post

"It was Bin Laden's time up there. Down here its our time. Its our time down here!"


The Steelers Rule: Dirty as shit

After a string of dirty hits last year, and levying numerous fines, the NFL has established The Pittsburgh Steelers Rule which will penalize teams that pass an as-yet-to-be-specified number of penalties for dirty play. Of course players will still be fined as individuals, but now the club will have to pay too once they pass that threshold. The League has been going out of its way to pretend it cares about player safety, and this rule is yet another alleged deterrent from making the violent game even more violent.

As a Steeler Hater, I love to hear their name associated with dirty play. I heard it was originally called The Miami Dolphins Rule, but that got too confusing as people thought it was a rule against allowing Bill Parcells to ruin your team.

NFL names dirty rule after Pittsburgh Steelers — USA Today

Harrison has perfected the "Big Ben Bathroom Tackle"


That Bitch can talk!

The German Sheppard just got a lot scarier. Turns out Hitler was obsessed with dogs, so the Nazis tried to develop a program to teach Dogs to read, write, and communicate with Humans. Of course, I would have started with something easier, like teaching a dog to clean up its own shit, but talking is still cool. According to a new book, while the Talking Dog program was a failure, there were some surprising and mythical stories to arise:

An Airedale terrier named Rolf became a mythic figure of the project after teachers said he could spell by tapping his paw on a board (the number of taps represented the various letters of the alphabet). With that skill in hand, he mused on religion, learned foreign languages and even asked a noblewoman, “Can you wag your tail?” Perhaps most outlandish is the claim by his German masters that he asked to serve in the German army because he disliked the French. Another mutt barked “Mein Fuhrer” when asked to describe Hitler. And Don, a German pointer, is said to have imitated a human voice to bark, “Hungry! Give me cakes!” in German.

Of course my blood is tainted with a natural distrust of all things German (sorry Dirk), but is it possible that Dogs could actually communicate in such a way? If so, then it makes me feel 10 times better as my fear of masturbating with a dog is in the room is totally warranted.

Nazis tried to create army of talking dogs — Yahoo

"Rail Ritler? Ruh-Roh"

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One Comment

  1. You could have a whole post of picture captions, those are hilarious.