Crap you should read Friday (5/20)

You Gotta Fight For Your Right…

Rosa Parks…Roe…Ana Catarina Silvares Bezerra. Remember this woman’s name. She is one of the more courageous women of this century and after a two year battle, Brazil’s Ministry of Labor has ruled that the 36 year old woman can legally masturbate at work. Ana Catarina has a chemical imbalance where her brain releases chemicals that drive her nuts until she has an orgasm. Medication has brought these urges down from 47 times a day to now a mere 18 times a day, but what is one to do when these urges strike at work? Now this trail-blazer has been given permission to touch herself for 15 minutes, every two hours, and even use her work computer to watch porn.

I’m sure there’s a joke here, but I’m too caught up in the emotion of victory to think of one.

Brazilian woman fights for right to masturbate at work — USA Today

No one told Brazil's Ministry of Labor that she worked in a park!

End of the World?

So now that I can finally jerk it at the office, the world is going to end???? I’ve been really freaking out once I was told that the world is going to end on Saturday, May 21st. I made some really cool plans for Saturday night, so I did some research to see if I was going to have to reschedule for never. Turns out that Saturday is just Judgement Day for those SAVED by the messiah, but the rest of us will be rotting until our eventual Judgement.

So if you don’t get a text on Saturday that you have been saved, then you’re still free to go fuck around like a Lohan on bail for a few more months until our final sentencing.

"Oh you weren't? Bummer. Well, I'm gonna head to my Rapture."

Botox Mom cries Hoax

Remember the lady who drew national ire when it was exposed that she gives her 8 year old beauty contestant daughter Botox injections? She now claims that she isn’t the worst mom ever not named Gosselin, and that the British tabloid The Sun paid her to act out a false story for their paper. The entire thing was made up: no botox, no waxing, no beauty pageants. But after the story ran in the UK, Good Morning America and Inside Edition caught on and she couldn’t turn them down or risk being exposed. It wasn’t until protective services took her daughter away that she finally shared this side of the story. UCLA doctors say that no traces of Botox were found in the 8 year old, so she’s been allowed back with her mother.

I just don’t understand how this is allowed. The Sun allegedly provided this mom with a script, and instructions on what to say and do. I know the Sun is a tabloid, and not to be taken seriously, but there should be stricter laws on what’s considered “News”. They shouldn’t let them use “news” in their header, just like they should do with Fox News Entertainment.

Botox mom says it was all a hoax — TMZ

"Eight? But your Honor, I swear she told me she was 12."

Abolish the Debt Ceiling

Although I specialize in debt spending, I won’t pretend to understand it completely on the macro/federal level. What I do know is that we have what’s called the debt ceiling, which is out country’s limit to what we allow ourselves to borrow. Right now the ceiling stands at $14.3 trillion, and we already hit it last week. That means, in theory, we couldn’t even take out more money to pay our national bills for the rest of the year. Obviously that can’t happen, so Congress has been futzing with a vote to raise it before we bankrupt ourselves. Annie Lowery, in an interesting article on the Slate says that the Debt Ceiling is an antiquated notion that should be abolished because it doesn’t reflect our times and does more harm than good.

You should definitely read it, as I can’t summarize anything well that doesn’t show boobs.

Abolish the Debt Ceiling — Slate

"Lady, don't tell me how to do my job. You're 15 minutes are up! I'm not being mean, just saying you should cum before you have to wait another 2 hours."

Colon and Stem-Cells

Yankees Pitcher Bartolo Colon had stem cells implanted into his shoulder and elbow back in 2010 to repair tissue. Now he’s pitching pretty well again, and many aren’t sure what to make of it. Of course his doctors point to the experimental surgery, but many assume that some type of illegal substance, like HGH has been involved in his rejuvenation. Apparently stem-cell implants have had underwhelming results, but does that mean that it couldn’t have worked in Colon?

Why should fixing one’s body ever be considered cheating or unfair?  I know many conservatives don’t want to hear it, but stem-cell research might hold many keys to our health, and our pitching statistics.

Doctors injected stem cells into Bartolo Colon’s shoulder and elbow — Slate

You should always check what they're putting in your Colon

Angels in Miami

Charlie’s Angles has announced that it will film its show principally in Miami. This will actually be the first network show filmed in Miami since Miami Vice was cancelled in 1989. Sure we have Burn Notice, but thats small budget cable, and CSI Miami, but thats filmed in LA and only has a couple shots down here. The Angels are coming to South Florida as part of a push by Florida to bring in productions, and taxpayers are even subsidizing it some.

I’m fine with it because McG has nothing to do with this production, and the new Angels Rachael Taylor, Annie Ilonzeh and my personal Spank Bank icon Minka Kelly are all smoking hot, which means we dont need to rely on Lucy Liu to save our fantasies from Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore.

Charlie’s Angels will film in Miami — Miami Herald

Thank you girls. Time for my next "break".


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